Travelling from the north of England to visit my family in Dorset (south coast) is a 600 mile round journey I've made countless times since I left home as a teenager. I've lived in the north of England since my Manchester student days in the 80's, so I've experienced many decades of north-south-north travel and it's become a familiar part of my adult life.
Last year I made more Dorset trips than ever before (seven? eight?) and without a doubt, each and every one of those visits was stressful and difficult. Most of you will know the story here - my Dorset visits last year were about caring for my Dad who has mid stage mixed dementia, and after a huge amount of worry and stress we were eventually able to move him into a care home in October. The last time I was in Dorset was in late October, a trip made with J so that we could sort out my Dad's house and prepare for it to be cleared and vacated. It was an emotional end to forty five years of attachment to the home where I grew up through my teenage years and then stayed as an adult with my own family.
So I had high hopes for this latest trip to Dorset - I wanted it to be a fresh start of sorts, a way to revisit a much loved and familiar place without feeling the constant weight of worry or stress. I wanted my days spent there to regain something of a light and happy feel, and to start to heal from the past few years which have been so emotionally hard.
Two things were different about this latest visit to Dorset. Number one, I chose to stay somewhere new, deciding on Weymouth which is a seaside resort twenty miles along the coast from where I grew up and call home. I wanted to be near the sea, take early morning walks on the beach and feel like I was on holiday while still being close enough to my Dad's care home for easy visiting.
Number two, I wasn't on my own this visit, but travelling and holidaying with a close friend who also has family connections in Dorset. It's a totally different vibe travelling with a friend - lets just say she has a lively, outgoing personality (the opposite to my quiet, introverted one), and the train journey was chatty and we drank prosecco out of plastic cups - say no more!
We stayed our first night in a small and very lovely guest house, but for the next three nights we had booked a holiday apartment with views out over the harbour. That first morning by the sea was absolutely beautiful, as if I had placed an order and had it delivered especially. The bluest of skies and bright, bright sunlight, the sort of high-grade light that you only get beside the sea on a sunshiny day.
We took a slow, ambling stroll all along the central beach at Weymouth, heading east over the sands and then onto the smaller pebbly beach which is backed by pretty pastel painted guest houses and cute beach huts.
It was so nice just pottering along the shoreline chatting to my friend, stopping often to pick up shells and take in the coastal scenery.
By the time we walked back to the main sandy beach the morning was moving on (the time stamp on the above photo reads exactly 11:11, don't you love it when those numbers all line up for a moment in time?)
We had a train to catch, so we took a quick stroll around the harbour and then off to the train station in town. I was going to see my Dad, and the train made it very easy for me with a quick eleven minute journey and then a very short walk. The visit was short (I'll tell you more at the end of this post I think) and I came out of the care home feeling a bit deflated, so it was a good feeling to be able to get back on the train, shake off the low mood and know that I was heading to the calming influence of the sea.
We checked into our apartment in the late afternoon and it was absolutely perfect. Warm, homely and spotlessly clean with large windows in all the rooms facing out to the harbour. It was too cold to make use of the balcony, but I imagine in summertime that this little outside space gets a lot of use from visiting guests.
My friend was a life long knitter until I brought her over to the bright side and introduced her to the hook fourteen years ago. She's been crocheting ever since and is currently making the Sungold blanket. I have to say we were both very content to spend time in the apartment watching the boats coming and going while adding rows/rounds to our Sungold projects. Crochet is such a beautiful way to spend relaxing time, I adore it for that.
Can you see on the table in the above photo there is a platter? I wanted to show it to you......
....isn't it stunning? It's made by an artist called Margaret Johnson and we saw lots of her work displayed in a gorgeous little gallery on the other side of the harbour. I loved that the apartment showcased original art work on the walls too, and it was great to be able to see more work in the gallery (Cove Gallery, if you are ever in the area, they were very friendly and welcoming in there, and had so many gorgeous things, all with a coastal theme).
Saturday morning and after a really solid nights sleep we woke up to a lovely cold, blustery, bright, fresh day. My friend and I both had our own plans for Saturday, each of us visiting our Dads. It's a strange co-incidence that we became fast friends in Yorkshire and later on found out that we shared a connection to this part of Dorset. Her Dad lives in Weymouth and she's spent many of her own family holidays here over the years, and now my Dad is only 8 miles down the road. So, a Dad-day for us both.......
.....but first.....c-o-f-f-e-eeeeeeeee.
I picked this place out and what a bloomin' good choice it was too. It's a bikers café right on the side of the harbour, with sunny outside tables and stunning views. No, no, not the noisy bikes with roaring engines, but the silent new breed of electric pedal bikes that are all the rage these days. In my experience, where cyclists gather there is usually very good coffee and baked goods to be had, and this proved to be accurate in Weymouth. The coffee was outstanding and the views.....
.....well, they were outstanding too. Weymouth harbour is very, very picturesque, especially in this quiet part of the year when there is breathing space and no crowds.
After my very good coffee, I walked through the centre of Weymouth town to go and track down the coastal bus. My plan was to journey along the coast to Bridport to meet with Lady B, take her out for brunch and then we were going to go together to spend a few hours in the afternoon with my Dad.
I LOVE travelling on this bus, it's called the Jurassic Coaster and sitting on the top deck gives an amazing view of the Dorset coast which I love so, so much. You can see in the above photo we are about to whizz past the turning to West Bexington, and you can see the caravan site above Chesil beach where we stayed last year.
It was lovely to see Lady B and our visit to my Dad was OK....I'll try and tell you a bit more about it at the end of this post, if the words will come. It's hard.
After saying my goodbyes, I once again hopped on the train and journeyed the eleven minutes along to the end of the line where the sea was waiting for me. What an absolute delight to be able to walk "home" along the beach and breathe in the calm of the sea.
Fishing boats were returning to the harbour after a day at sea...
....and the early evening light was ever so beautiful.
I can't tell you how wonderful it was to have this time at the coast, it really did help re-balance my soul at the beginning and end of each day.
So...my Dad. He is doing OK really, and surprisingly (given his difficult, stubborn temperament), he has settled pretty well into the care home life. He has aged considerably in the four months since my last visit, I think dementia has a way of slowly leaching away both body and mind and I thought that my Dad just seemed "less" in every way. He has lost weight, is very slow and wobbly, and generally just a lot of his character and spirit has vanished. He has never really been the chatty sort, but now he doesn't really like to speak much at all. He didn't know who I was, not one clue. Even when I told him my name and that we were family, he just didn't understand what that meant any more. I can't lie, it was dreadfully sad, but at the same time I think I did a lot of my heart felt emotional grieving last year and have now reached a place of quiet acceptance. He is safe (and for most of last year he really wasn't at all safe) and seems reasonably content, so I am thankful for that.
I was so glad that my visit to Dorset this time was about more than just dealing with the effects of dementia. This area of the south coast where I grew up is still a place that brings me great peace and joy, and I really felt that in the days I spent there. I'll tell you about Sunday in my next post - it was such a GOOD day and I can't wait to share it with you.
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