Attic24

Postcards from Dorset :: day 1

Hellloooooooo from sunny, beautiful Dorset! I'm here spending the week pootling and relaxing by the sea (again), and as it's the half term holiday I'm delighted to have company this time - yay!! Not only is J here, but we also have Little B and Little Lady with us. We arrived yesterday and I thought it would be fun to write to you each day I'm here, a bit like sending you some postcards.

In a break from tradition, we're staying somewhere new this time and it is absolutely luverleeeee. In the photo above, you can see our home for the week - it's a small, family run caravan site in a beautiful rural location surrounded by hilly fields and overlooking the sea. It's the first time we've ever rented a static caravan, but of course from our years holidaying with Connievan we knew that we would love this kind of simple accommodation.

After we'd settled in yesterday and had a picnic dinner outside our little home on legs, we decided to walk down across the fields to the beach.

You can just make out the caravan site in the above photo, nestled into the crest of the hill up there.

This is part of the long stretch of Chesil Beach which we are very familiar with as we've been here many, many times on family holidays over the years. It was so, so lovely to sit on the sun-warmed shingle last night and listen to the soothing lull of the sea. And yes, of course I had a crochet blanket with me :)

This part of Chesil beach is made up from very distinctive small pebbles, they are the size of peas and beans and extremely tactile. I l-o-v-e just sitting and sifting my hands through them, it's something I've loved since being a child and it gives me a deep sense of calm.

The return walk back to the caravan site is uphill the whole way, passing through the very small, quiet village of West Bexington. At this time of year the gardens are brimming with flowers, and with palm trees and giant spires of echiums there is something of a Mediterranean feel to it all. I fall in love with this village a little more each time I visit.

There happens to be a wonderful pub half way up the hill with a beautifully manicured garden overlooking the sea. We stopped to enjoy a drink and I felt so relaxed being there with J and the LP enjoying the start of what I hope is going to be a lovely family holiday to add to the memory bank. Cheers!

Continuing on our way... a slow, steady climb past idyllic looking cottages....

....admiring all the gorgeously wild blooms in the hedgerows.

The beautiful light at the end of a hot, sunshiny day....

.....and continuous sea views made me feel full to the brim with happy vibes.

I sat outside our caravan into the evening, snuggled in my crochet blankets, drinking tea and waiting for the dark to descend. It was wonderful to watch the sky slowly change colour and see the first stars appear in the sky. It's 9.30pm in the above photo, at the end of a long but lovely day. So good!

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Celebrating Seventy Seven

I took another trip down to Dorset a week or two ago, my third this year, and honestly I wasn't sure if I was going to blog about it or not. I had this feeling that these rather repetitive trips don't especially make for very good blog fodder (even I get a tiny bit bored with the same routine themes of my life on repeat), and yet....while I was there I did feel inspired to take a few photos which somehow make me happy and seem like they might be worth a share. 

I have to say I've been enjoying the long train journeys to Dorset, they seem to ease something inside my mind, like loosening a knot that you hadn't realised had become too tight. I sit and look out the window, absorbing the changing landscapes and relaxing myself with a little visual meditation. May is such a lush time of year and the English countryside is positively glowing.

I've often spoken about my routines when I'm here at home and the walks that I do with J every morning. I find that starting my day with some fresh air and exercise gives me a much needed energy boost and really helps me feel good about the day ahead. The first morning I was in Dorset I knew instinctively that I needed to try and keep this routine going, because the days spent with my Dad are quite stressful.

I decided to take one hour every morning for myself, so that I could stride out, breathe in the fresh early morning air and find a positive mindset.

It takes twenty minutes to walk down to the town from my Dad's house, and it was lovely to see how everywhere was blooming. May isn't a month that I would usually see in Dorset, and I can tell you that it's really beautiful. The trees full of fresh greenery, the hedges bursting with cow parsley and pretty wisteria draped over many of the houses. Absolutely delightful.

The main street running through the town was near on deserted at such an early hour in the morning, but I'd done my research. Well you didn't think I would be power walking for an hour without a cheeky little revitalising pit-stop, did you?

Lucky for me, one of my favourite coffee shops happens to open its doors at seven thirty (I wholeheartedly approve) and I was drawn there like a bee to a flower. It's a large, airy place full of character - old wooden floors and fireplaces, a mismatched array of furniture, exposed brick walls hung with pictures.

I took a seat at one of the coveted tables right by the front window and savoured every little sip and slurp of my frothy coffee. I only had twenty minutes to spend, but it was enough to give me the lift that I needed before walking back and facing the day head on.

I was really lucky with the weather during my short trip and it was mostly clear, sunny and warm. It made me so happy to spend lots of time outdoors, even if I was just sitting quietly in my Dad's garden listening to the birds with the sun on my face.

Ah, I forgot to mention the main reason I was in Dorset this time was for a celebration - my dad's seventy seventh birthday. My brother and sister-in-law were also visiting for a few days so it was lovely for us all to spend time together.

The birthday day was a whole mixed bag of emotions. There were some sticky moments (dementia is an unpredictable beast) but mostly the day was a pretty good one. We went out for breakfast, ate cake and drank prosecco, and relaxed in the garden. In the evening we went out for a meal at a local Indian restaurant and the food was seriously yummmmmmy. I think I can definitely say I enjoyed it the most, I get so excited by a super-tasty meal that I didn't have to cook myself. Such a luxury to just sit there and have someone else bring food to the table, I'm sure all Mums out there would agree with me.

I took the above photo while I was with my Dad sat on a bench waiting for Lady B to pick us up in the car. It was after our meal out, you know when you have a deliciously full belly and feel all content and sleepy? That was me. It was about 7pm and the light was so beautiful, all rosy and soft and glowy. These long, light-filled days fill my soul to the brim with happy-dust, I can't fully find the words to explain how much I adore it. Happy, happy, happy, from the top of my head to the soles of my feet.

I'm used to waking early (6am is my usual getting up time) and during my stays in Dorset my routines and body clock stayed unchanged. Getting to see what six in the morning looks like in Dorset in mid May was an utter delight, it's sooooooo beautiful! I mean, just look ↑↑↑ at that exquisite light !!!

The day after my Dad's birthday was a Sunday, and we'd arranged to go for family brunch at an old favourite place of ours down at West Bay. I've spoken about Rise Café before on my blog, it's in such an idyllic setting that I find it hard to resist. With such warm, sunny weather we were able to enjoy a leisurely morning meal sitting at one of the outside tables on the deck overlooking the water. 

By this point, I'd been down in Dorset for three days but hadn't had a chance to really see the sea. I could hear it calling loud and clear, a pull so strong that I felt twitchy just thinking about it being RIGHT THERE and yet not getting to see it. My Dad wasn't up to walking all the way around the harbour to indulge my yearning, so I begged them to rest a while on a bench and give me just twenty minutes to run around to west beach by myself. 

Ahhhhhhh.....the minute my my feet landed on these pebbles, all was right in my world again.

I love this little beach with its views along the Jurrassic coastline, there is something about it which grounds me and makes me feel like I've come home to myself.

I have so many memories going waaaay back to when I was a small Little Person visiting my grandparents in the school holidays - I used to love coming down here to search for sea glass and shells.

In a twist of yarny indecision, I couldn't get my crochet together in time to bring with me to Dorset. I'm at the stage with my blanket where colour decisions need to be very carefully thought out and that's best done when I can actually concentrate. So instead I picked up my little knitting project bag to bring - I do always like to have a pair of socks on the go for just such an occasion as this. I spent many hours sat in my Dad's sunny back garden knitting round and round and round to keep my mind and heart calm. 

This latest jaunt to Dorset was a bit shorter than before (I stayed 4 nights instead of 7) and it was also much easier because Lady B was around and I wasn't managing my Dad's dementia difficulties all on my own. I was grateful that my brother and I were both there to celebrate the "seventy-seven" because my Dad has been fixating on his birthday and this particular number for months. 

I took the above photo out of the train window just after 5pm on the day I travelled home - I'd been on the move since 9am and suddenly recognising the familiar shape of 'my' hill was such a lovely thing, it made my heart happy. I was so glad to get home, to hug J and the Little People and to tumble wearily into my own bed. 

♥

Oh my. I've been writing this blog post on and off for a few days now, and reading over my words just now it seems to have a bit of a sad undertone. In actual fact I did really enjoy my time there, and despite the obvious stresses and strains of the situation I came away feeling like I'd gotten a much better handle on my emotions this time. Dorset in May is far too beautiful for its own good and I'm really thrilled that I got to experience a little slice of it.

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A Lovely May Weekend

I was thinking yesterday about all the many, many weekends I've written about on my blog over the years, and how they are mostly a visual celebration of ordinary, domestic life. Nothing outrageously exciting ever happens on my weekends, they are made up of mundane routines, gentle chores and slow living, and I am honestly full of gratitude for the uncomplicated ease of them. I was saying to a friend the other day that I think living a slow, contented and ever so slightly boring life is very underrated in terms of the happiness it delivers.

When the Little People were young, my weekends looked and felt very different. All three of them were seriously early risers (especially at this time of year when it's light in the mornings) and it was such a full-on, rather cray-cray time in my life parenting three Littles. I remember wondering what life might feel like in the future when I could wake up before them and spend my days doing pretty much what I wanted to do while they did their own thing, I could hardly imagine the total luxury of it back then. Fast forward to now, and I'm living and loving my once longed for quiet morning starts, and fully enjoying my leisurely weekend days where I have plenty of time to relax and do things that make me happy.

It's a funny thing looking back to those days (and I do often read back through my own Attic24 archives to help me remember), because I really did love parenting through the toddler and young school ages....and yet....I am SO HAPPY that I'm beyond it all haha!! Of course I do still have my three offspring at home so I'm still parenting, but at ages 20, 19 and 13 it's a totally different kind of gig these days.

Anyhooo....where was all this leading, I really don't know.....I hadn't meant to wander off down memory lane! 

I was at Coopers café on Friday morning which isn't strictly the weekend but often times those hours at the tail end of the  school week do have a delightfully weekendish feel. I had a lovely time chatting to my friends while knitting up some stripy rows, eating toasted crumpets and slurping a frothy cappuccino. I cast on these "frost" socks at the start of March and they are great to have on the go for when I'm at that faffy, unsociable stage with my crochet project.

We went out for a walk in the woods on Sunday morning, notable because a) I spotted the first bluebells in flower and b) we had both Little B and Little Lady walking with us. I've worked out that I can encourage them to walk with us on a Sunday morning if it's not too early (10.30am is the sweet spot) and if we detour via their favourite coffee chain on the way. The lure of a Sunday morning coffee and a pastry works wonders, I wonder where they get these ideas from (??!)

The woodland is absolutely bursting with greenery and lushness right now....

....fresh green leafage everywhere you look.

Spotting these teeny tiny fluffy ducklings dancing along in the reflections made me quite weak at the knees, the cuteness was almost too much.

It takes about ten minutes to walk from the coffee shop on the main high street to the woodland, isn't that something? Such a lovely combination of pleasures to enjoy on a sun dappled Sunday morning.

It's three in the afternoon on Sunday now, and things are happening out on our street. For once, the weather got the memo and there is blue sky up above, yay! Bunting is flapping in the breeze, and down below there are tables all set with cloths and napkins ready to be piled with all manor of sandwiches, cakes, fruit platters and savoury snacks.

I didn't take in any of the Kings Coronation on Saturday as I was busy doing other things, but on Sunday it was a lovely chance for our little terraced community to come out and celebrate. I live on such a friendly street where we know most of our neighbours up and down on both sides. There are thirty houses in total, and being terraced I think it's safe to say that we have no choice but to be close knit! It makes for a very jovial atmosphere when the children are all out to play (we had a permit to close the street so there were no cars for a few days) and everyone brings chairs and benches and gets down to the happy business of chit-chatting and having fun.

I snapped the above photo on my phone and it did make me laugh just now when I uploaded it - a jug of Pimms next to a half empty bottle of bubble mixture, kind of sums up the afternoon rather nicely! The kids varied in age from small toddlers up to teenagers, and the activities included bubbles and chalks (so nostalgic), a little bit of football, some jump rope skipping (huge fun, nearly wet myself laughing when the adults got involved after a whole lot of Pimms had gone down), and later s'mores on the barbecue, music and dancing well into the dark of the night.

As a result of the enormous quantity of Pimms which ended up in my system, Monday was spent mostly horizontal in a recovery position. It was worth it though, such a happy and memorable day.

I hope you had a good weekend, whether it was mundane or something exciting, do tell me what you got up to? I'd love to hear..

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Dorset and the Dementia Journey

Those of you who have been visiting the Attic over the years will know all about my regular visits down to Dorset. Ever since the Little People were babes (and even before then), J and I used to drive the 300 miles south to the Dorset coast twice a year during the Easter and Summer holidays to visit my parents. As I grew up and went to school there, I have an understandably strong nostalgic connection with the town where I lived. But aside from me taking these personal jaunts down the memory lane of my childhood, our visits also allowed precious time for the Little's to visit and connect with their grandparents. 

My Mum and Dad separated and divorced shortly after I left home to go to art school (35 years ago), and in the following years they both settled with new partners although neither of them remarried. My Dad stayed living in the rented house where I grew up, and my Mum moved to a nearby village a few miles away, so during our Dorset visits we were able to spend time with both of my parents and their partners. Sadly my Mum died unexpectedly in 2017, but we continued our tradition of yearly visits to my Dad. Our last family visit was in the summer of 2021 - by this time the two eldest offspring were both working summer jobs and couldn't take time off to come away on holiday so it was just myself, J and a rather grumpy eleven year old Little B who went. 

At that time, we knew that something really wasn't right with my Dad - we first noticed that his memory and cognitive functioning was suddenly very awry in the Spring of 2021, although he seems to have remained blissfully unaware of it. To this day he still claims to be "fine and normal"  - we've managed twice to get him to see his GP, but even when he spectacularly failed the standard memory testing questions and it was suggested he needed to be referred to a memory clinic, he simply and forcefully said NO, there was nothing wrong, and for everyone to leave him alone and stop interfering. It's beyond frustrating, but like the GP said, he has free will and we absolutely can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do. 

So although we haven't had any formal diagnosis of dementia, there is no doubt that he has some form of the disease. I would say that his decline has been slow but steady over the past two years, and mostly he seems fairly content within his new altered reality. Aside from the memory loss, his general behaviour has also changed considerably - he is now very restless, isn't able to concentrate for very long (he used to read a lot but can't really manage that now), and has very disturbed and wakeful nights. He also has delusions which to him must seem very real and rather frightening at times (people coming in the house and stealing his possessions being the most common theme), and this is probably the hardest thing for him to cope with at the moment. 

As you would expect, his general memory is also completely shot to bits, and I noticed that during my last two visits he didn't really know who I was any more. He can remember my name, and it's obvious that he recognises me as someone he knows well and is always happy to see, but he can no longer grasp that we're related. He thinks his daughter Lucy stays in Skipton, and the Lucy that comes to Dorset is just a lady visiting. He often asks me how long I've known him for, and marvels at the fact that I crochet just like his daughter does - do I know her, she lives in Skipton? Honestly, I learnt very quickly to squash down the heart breaking sadness of it all and not contradict him - now I simply chat about myself in the third person, which has it's own kind of twisted comedy.

The biggest blessing in all of this chaos is Lady B - that's what I call her although she isn't an officially titled Lady - and thank goodness for her. She is my Dad's partner of twenty three years, well, they call themselves "companions" I think rather than partners, but she is an absolute gem. Throughout their time together they've always kept their independence and lived in their own respective homes. They've had a solid routine for all these years, choosing to spend around half the week together at Lady B's place, and half of the week apart doing their own thing. Although it's unconventional, it's worked well for them, and they are sweetly very attached to each other.

These days, Lady B is his carer as well as a companion and I know full well that this is no easy task. My Dad now sleeps at his house every day because the movement between the two households was causing no end of confusion, chaos and sleep disruption. Lady B visits him each morning to make his breakfast and give him his tablets, and to make sure that all is well in the house. She then takes him out - sometimes shopping, sometimes out for a walk, or a stop at his favourite pub for a tipple. They then spend a little time at her place which he does seem to really like, she has a huuuuuge television screen and his current obsession is Michael Portillo's Railway Journeys. She cooks dinner for them both at her place, then in the early evening she takes him back to his house and settles him for the night (making sure there are no strange people coming in and stealing things ;)), and then she can breathe a sigh of relief as she goes home to decompress.

I do understand that this current  arrangement can only be temporary, it's not in any way sustainable. Pretty soon we will need to plan for some extra care or respite for my Dad so that Lady B isn't on call seven days a week. Because it really is utterly exhausting being in his company. I've been trying to help by visiting every other month, staying for a week at a time so that Lady B can take a proper break (she travels to London to stay with her daughter). I also ring my Dad every morning to chat about the plans for the day and talk through any worries he has as there is always something - usually his missing 'stolen' items, or the fact that he forgets where Lady B is.

So. My goodness.....you know, I wasn't intending to talk to you about very much of this in detail, but once I started writing, it seems as if I really needed to unload. It's been a bit of a purge! And I do feel a smidge lighter for being able to write things out and document where we are at, thank you for that, I appreciate you reading and being dragged along with my family issues. Thank you xxx

This last stay was actually not so bad, and I was able to relax a bit more into the role of care-giver. The type of care needed at the moment is pretty easy really - shopping for food, cooking, making sure he has his medication, calming down any agitation or confusion (there was a fair bit of this) and setting a routine for the day. I found we both fared better if we were able to get out and about each day, although there were a couple of very wet rainy days where we just hunkered down in the house and watched trains (him) and crocheted (me).

Where he lives is roughly a mile out of the town centre, and although his walking is very shuffly and painfully slow, he is capable of doing the walk there and back if we rest on benches along the way and take it gently. I found that his mood was better and he slept better if he had this daily exercise (ohhhhh....reminding me so very much of life with a toddler!) and so we shuffled along these familiar streets as often as we could. Sometimes we'd end up in his favourite pub and sometimes in a café for coffee, and it was OK really, different to the relationship we used to have, but not so bad.

On one bright sunny morning I decided we would head to the sea, I was craving it so badly and was determined we would go. I ordered us a taxi which felt very posh and luxurious, and I can't tell you how much joy was in my heart when I arrived and breathed in that fresh salty air. So, so so good for the soul.

We shuffled our way slowly around the harbour...

...to the west beach where there is a promenade with some benches and shelters to take a breather. I reaaaaally wanted to go down onto the beach, but didn't feel like I could leave my Dad on his own as he does have a habit of wandering off in these kinds of situations. Can you imagine the monumental stress if that happened, crikey, it just wasn't worth the risk.

So after a long gaze out to the horizon I decided the only thing that would ease my longing heart would be caffeine. And luckily there is a café right there on the seafront which is very busy, noisy and a little bit chaotic, but always warm and cosy, so that's where we settled for a while.

My latté was delicious and even my Dad enjoyed his black coffee (with four sugars). Afterwards we felt revived enough to take a slow amble all along the promenade...

....walking right to the very end where there are gorgeous views along the coastline to Lyme Bay. I do so love this coastline and have walked all along those cliff paths many times over the years. I realised that I'm still getting used to these Dorset visits where I'm forced to take things at my Dad's pace and have to slow everything right down to a dawdle. I also find the lack of freedom very difficult, it's a real adjustment for me and I've not found it easy, but I'm trying really hard to accept this new way of doing things. 

I had to share the above photo with you, snapped outside a gift shop in West Bay. I love to see a bit of colourful crochet bringing a smile to the local community, and these Easter bunnies were lovely. Yarn bombed post boxes have become a real craze here in the UK in recent years and there are groups on Facebook which share images and resources. I love it, well of course I do! You'll have to let me know if you've seen any around where you live, or better still if you've been involved in making any? I'd love to know more.

One thing which really did delight me when I was down in Dorset was being able to hunt down a couple packets of Moores Easter biscuits. Goodness I have such a crush on these biscuits and they really power the Nostalgia Train that I ride hard when I'm down in my old childhood place. They are a traditional treat to have at Easter and my Mum always bought them for us as children, and in later years for the Little People too. They are like a sweet shortbread biscuit with currents, cinnamon and mixed spice adding a unique Eastertime flavour.....oh, I do so love them. They are the perfect accompaniment to a mug of hot tea in the mid afternoon, and really cheered up some grey days for me.

I was in Dorset for a week in total this last time, and despite the obvious strains and worries that I've briefly touched upon in this post, I did really appreciate the quality time that I was able to spend with my Dad. The sad thing about dementia is that it's a progressive disease and I'm hyper aware that week by week, month by month, my Dad's health will slowly deteriorate. Living so far away means that I have to make a solid effort to plan regular visits, and I'm lucky that with J's help I'm able to make it happen. It'll be his 77th birthday in the middle of May so I'm going to go down again to celebrate with him, a shorter four night stay this time which I think will be just right.

I'm enjoying seeing Dorset through the different seasons, and I love that I can always take my crochet with me to ease my worries and make good use of my time away. During this last trip I made the above plate full - eighty one little golden circles, what do you think of that?! Believe it or not, this is the very beginning of a new blanket journey slowly starting out and I'm sooooooooo  excited about it. I'm still making some final colour adjustments but once I've made some more progress I'll be sure to take you along and share the creative process.

Well.....thank you again for reading along, and for your overall loveliness in the comments section this week. This wasn't quite the post I expected to write, but obviously my brain had other ideas and I do feel a lot better for dumping out my worries onto the keyboard. I know there are probably many of you who've had loved ones affected by dementia, so if you have any pearls of wisdom for me I'd love to hear. It really helps not to feel so alone with the worry of it all.

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Springy Easter Things

There's a small but prolific ornamental cherry tree growing in my next door neighbours front garden and during the past two weeks this tree has bloomed it's little heart out. After a very cold,  slow start to the spring season it's been absolutely glorious to gaze up at these gorgeous flowers and feel the gentle warmth of the sun on my face.

The tree has been a-buzz with bees and it made me feel grateful for our neighbours who grow such lovely flowers, shrubs and trees in their small patches of front garden.

There aren't any floral trees in my own front garden just yet (our butterfly bush is an August flowering shrubby tree), but I did plant up a large terracotta pot of grape hyacinths and narcissus which is looking rather lovely on my door step. 

I've had these daffodils on my table during the past week, and I've been swooning over them on a daily basis. I splashed out an extra pound on this fancy-pants frilly bunch in celebration of Easter and they've been so lovely, if just a bit extra.

Also on my table this week is a cute bowl of mini eggs. Along with hot cross buns, these delicious little chocolatey morsels are an essential taste of Easter for me and I absolutely go mad for them. The mini-egg season is over for another year and I'm quite sad about it, but then again I don't think they would be so special if you could buy them all year round.

I unearthed the Easter Box from the depths of the attic eaves and was overcome by a tender wave of fondness and nostalgia. So many memories held in this miscellaneous pile of bits n bobs, a precious reminder of years gone by when the Little People were still oh-so-little. 

I love decorating for the seasons (I think Easter is my favourite actually), and bringing out the same decorations year after year feeds into my emotions for sure. At one time I used to decorate purely for the enjoyment of the Little People, but that faded away some years ago and honestly, now I do it all for me, me, me. 

Easter weekend was mostly quite sunny and warm and I was able to use my outside washing line for the first time this year. Sun dried cotton bedding has to be one of life's great pleasures - getting into bed in the evening when it's all fresh and clean and smells DiViNEly of the outdoors is just the most joyful thing.

Day by day the trees are waking from their winter rest and this particular shade of new-leaf-green really makes my heart sing. 

On the woodland floor there is no shortage of greenery because we are right in the middle of wild garlic season and I'm very happy about it.

I picked some leaves to bring home a few days ago so that I could whizz up some wild garlic pesto. I generally manage to make one or two batches each year (here is my recipe blog post) - the wild garlic picking window (when the leaves are young and fresh and before the flowers arrive) is pretty small so you've got to be motivated when the time is right.

I made a jam jar full of this vibrant green sludge and it tastes wickedly garlicky, it's incredibly potent. In fact, I'm almost too scared to eat it because I fear I will reek of garlic for weeks on end and repulse everyone. I went and bought the most expensive and Italian-looking spaghetti I could find in the supermarket to make a simple bowl of garlic pesto pasta....but I've yet to pluck up the courage to do it. I've got the garlic fear.

Since Easter weekend came and went, the warm, springlike weather vanished and a storm has blown in across the UK. It's been rotten, absolutely rotten this week. Really cold, seriously blustery and wet, wet, wet. I think the official term would be "Squally Showers" (and shamefully I just had to look up the spelling of squally). In amongst the weather chaos there have been odd little patches of unexpected sunshine, and we were lucky on Tuesday to time it right and spend a couple hours walking at Bolton Abbey without getting drenched. 

It was a lovely amble along the riverside, made even more special by the sighting of a peacefully grazing deer. This is only the second time we've spotted a deer at Bolton Abbey, although I'm pretty sure they are there all the time and are experts at staying hidden. I love walking with the family so much (we had Little Lady and Little B with us), and the pleasure of it has only grown over the years since they were small little peeps walking with us.

We drove home via the "scenic route" which takes us up over the top of Barden moor, and it was lovely to see the hills rolling into the distance under a blue sky with nooooo raaaaain. We stopped the car very briefly and Little Lady and I got out to get a blast of fresh air - it's the kind of fresh that steals your breath clean away and I love to inhale it right down to my toes.

Do you recall the very first photo of this rambly blog post, the one where I showed you my neighbours cherry tree? Well it has reached its peek now and due to the squally conditions this week, we've been showered in petal confetti every time we step out the front door. So pretty, despite the bloomin' rain and wind.

Did I mention how cold it's been too? I wish my Springy April narrative was different, but alas we've been plunged temporarily back into winter and the past few evenings I've even lit the fire to keep out the chill. I hear next week's supposed to get better, and this morning the ladies in the coffee shop told me to expect double digit temperatures next week, woohoo.

I wish I had more exciting things to talk to you about, but truthfully life just lately has felt like a bit of an uphill trudge. I think my immune system must be a bit fed up because I've got yet another cold, hot on the heels of recovering from that awful one last month. I've struggled with low energy levels, and not a lot of motivation to do anything much. 

The week before Easter I went down to Dorset, my second visit of the year. I travelled by train to go and stay for a week with my Dad again, a trip planned so that Lady B could take some days away from the responsibility of caring for him. I never know quite how much to share about this kind of thing as my family affairs are pretty personal...but the reality is that I am carrying a fair bit of worry about my Dad's health and it does affect my equilibrium quite a lot. We are around two years into a steady dementia decline and I can tell you it's tough. I do try and deal with it in as positive a way as I can, and of course I do still love to be down in Dorset - but yeah, it's not at all easy. Maybe I'll chat to you more about it in another post, and show you some of the photos I took there?

Thanks as ever for calling in to visit, and if you have time to leave me a comment then I'd love to hear your news. 

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Summer Snaps :: late August 2022

Hello, hello, hellooooooo!!!!! How're you all doing out there in the Big Wide World?

I've been meaning to check in here for the past week or so, well ever since Little B returned to school actually, and it's been tricky to find the right time of day/evening when I can be fully present without other things clamouring for my attention. Finally I've managed it - it's 7.30pm and I've come to sit cosy in bed with my laptop as it's been a surprisingly chilly day and I needed the comfort.

I had a long debate with myself earlier on today about how exactly to jump back in here, and in the end decided to give you something of an end-of-summer round up before everything starts to get forgotten in the seasonal shift. Although I'm embracing the return to the school and working routines and the fact that Autumn is sitting very close on the horizon, it's always lovely to look back and celebrate every last bit of Summer.

J had some time off work at the end of August which allowed me to take some time down south (more of that in a bit), but also for us to enjoy a bit of a staycation week here with the Little People.

We took a day trip up to Cumbria to visit a National Trust property called Sizergh. It's quite a grand old house with a huge estate, so we did a four mile circular walk with a picnic lunch, then spent some time enjoying the house and gardens which were at their peak in late August.

The kitchen garden was absolutely beautiful and I couldn't get enough of the abundant colours....

....oh, it was glorious!

I also loved this long walled border which was bursting with later summer colour....

....and attracting a good many bees and butterflies too.

It was a lovely day out and I'm hoping we can do more exploring of new places in the months to come.

Closer to home, we've been getting out and about to walk in the local countryside right on our doorstep. The weather at the end of August and into early September was seriously lovely, remaining bright and sunny and warm enough to walk in t-shirts. I can't adequately describe my constant levels of happiness in relation to the warm sunny summer we've had, but it has been pretty sky high. Finally a summer that behaved itself and truly felt like a Proper Summer!!

I walked and walked, often two or three times a day I would find myself keen to get out there and walk. J and I continue to enjoy our 7am fast-paced, slightly breathless power walks through the woodland (so good, love love love it), then a solo stroll around town sometime in the morning for me - walking along the canal, a trip to the café for coffee, errands to run, groceries to buy. And then sometimes an evening walk too, usually with Little B, to take in the summery evening skies and breathe it all in.

My daily coffee, taken outside most days through the warmth of late summer. I simply can't imagine life without this pleasurable mid morning pause, I love it so much.

I enjoyed being at home as the summer shone on through late August, our sash windows pushed up high to let the warm breeze blow through the house. 

At the every end of August I set off to travel south on the train down to Dorset. This seems to have become the norm for me now - frequent solo visits every 3 or 4 months to touch base with my Dad, making the most of these times when his health is still pretty stable. It's also lovely for me to be back in my childhood place too, and I find myself soaking in that deep-rooted familiarity and feeling very grateful for it. 

I hardly ever eat ice cream, but on this day I joined in with my Dad and Lady B and had an old fashioned Mr. Whippy with a flake. My goodness, what a hit of nostalgia that was, I felt like I was ten years old! 

We strolled slowly, slowly along the promenade - I think my Dad is honestly the slowest walker I have ever met in my life and I have to dig deep to find the patience to slow my own pace down to a dawdling shuffle. But promenades are good places for slow shuffles, so once I adjusted to it, all was well.

The sea was incredibly calm on this day with barely any waves at all, and even though I prefer it when it's noisy and crashing and salty, it was still lovely.

My trip to Dorset was only short this time, and after two nights I was off on my travels again. I took the train and journeyed east into Hampshire - destination Portsmouth Harbour. I was then heading across the water to the Isle of Wight, traveling at high speed on the fast catamaran that operates between Portsmouth and Ryde. It was all very exciting, and a first time for me to travel on a catamaran (you can see here what it looks like, it was much bigger than I expected). I sat next to the window and tried not to fidget too much with over excitement, wishing that the trip was way longer than twenty two minutes long.

It's been eighteen years since I visited the Isle of Wight - one of my best friends from my art/textile uni days lives here and I used to regularly come and stay with her in the years before I had children. We've been friends for thirty four years, isn't that something? It was absolutely wonderful to see her and her family and how much they have grown since I  last saw them (three ginormous, handsome boys, and I mean they are huuuuuuge, well over six feet tall all of them). We had such a fun time, some delicious meals out, bottles of prosecco, chatting in the garden, picking blackberries out in the countryside, walking the dog and generally just enjoying a massive, long over due catch up.

On my last day there we took a long walk all around the eastern coast and it was really interesting to see how different the beaches are. The coastline is very woody with trees coming right down to the beach in many places.

We stopped off for lunch at a really beautiful café nestled into the trees overlooking the beach. It was warm enough for us to sit out on the decking and enjoy a chilled glass of refreshment and some delicious food with stunning sea views. I felt as though I was abroad....I mean, just look at this beach.......

.............just WOW!!!! Isn't it beautiful? You can see the café tucked into the trees above, and imagine how bloomin' delighted I was with it all.

After three super happy days it was time to say goodbye and begin my long journey home. Back across the water to the mainland (that ship is HMS Warrior, an old Navy vessel docked in Portsmouth Harbour), then a train up to London.....

....where everything was it's usual hectic, noisy, crowded, busy city self. Then it was the final three hours on the train back up to Yorkshire, and I tumbled in the front door at around 9.30pm. It was a lot of hours on the move (eight in total) but I happen to like travelling by myself and really enjoyed every bit of it.

I was away for six days in total, and the day before I left decided to cast on a pair of socks. I've not done any knitting since last year and had this yarn waiting patiently to be transformed into stripes. Socks make great travel projects and I really enjoyed knitting the hours away as I journeyed up and down the country.

The sock yarn matches perfectly with my latest blanket too, a delightful happy accident which is making me very pleased with the visual harmony. I'll be able to share my new blanket with you very, very soon - yarn packs will go on sale on Wednesday 21st September. I'll be here to tell you all about the blanket which I've named "Fireside" (cosy, warm and comforting vibes) , and as always there will be a free pattern and tutorial for you too. I'm really looking forward to showing it to you.

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Heather Moorland :: Evening Edition

Mid August :: 14/08/22 :: 8pm

A spontaneous drive up onto the moorland to take in the sunset and the heathery scenery. It wasn't an especially good evening for viewing a sunset because heavy rainclouds had started to roll in by the time we got there, but I'm sure you'll agree the colours were still amazing. It was a memorable hour at the end of an ordinary, slow-paced Sunday, a time for us to pull the Little People away from their screens and head out in search of colour and light-filled views. How lucky they are living out their childhood surrounded by so much natural beauty!

These high moors are just four miles away from the Attic, and I always make a point of visiting every August when the heather is at its peak. It's part of my personal floral calendar (along side the likes of snowdrops, wild garlic, blossom, buttercups and bluebells), and I think it's so good to appreciate the colours that bloom throughout the different seasons. I really like the natural connection to the ebb and flow of the year and can't imagine a life where these things pass by unnoticed. 

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And so into June

So here we are, racing through June at such a pace I can hardly catch my breath. Just this morning I happened to catch sight of the date and was astounded to find out that we are already in the middle of the month and goodness me, the Summer Solstice is less than a week away! Say what???!!! I remember it was just the same last year, so maybe this is what May-June feels like at this time in my life? I think it's because our winter season seems to take foreeeeeveeer to be over and done with, that once Spring finally arrives it rushes in and out like a flood tide. 

Towards the end of May my Dad and Lady B journeyed all the way from Dorset to visit for a week, it was a holiday that had been postponed since 2020. Back then in pre-covid times my Dad's memory and general health was very much more robust, so I was a little worried about how he would cope with the lengthy train travel and also being out of his usual environment and routine. Lets just say it was a challenge - whether he was really aware of it or not I'm unsure, but his level of general confusion was pretty heart breaking. So yeah, it was a very intense week, not stressful as such, but highly emotional and draining nevertheless. 

On top of the worry about my Dad's health decline, I also tend to experience a surge of emotions at this time of year - ever since I lost my Mum five years ago, the month of May weighs heavy on me. I'm the kind of person who tends to deal with these things silently and inwardly which is probably not the best way, but keeping everything tightly wrapped up is just the way I am. I'm still trying to come to terms with many things to do with my Mum and the way her life came to a very sad and abrupt end, gosh this kind of deep rooted stuff isn't easy is it?

Anyhow, I'm not here to dig into my past because my childhood and my relationship with my parents has always been quite the messy tangle which I keep locked down tight, but I did just want to let you know a little of what I've been going through lately. Thankfully these times never seem to last for long and I'm pretty adept at bouncing back - boing! I'm here, it's mid June with summer almost upon us and all is warm and well.

At the beginning of June the UK commemorated the Queen's Platinum Jubilee and as such we were treated to a four day bank holiday weekend. The weather was mixed (of course it was) but it mostly held dry if a bit on the chilly-breezy side. The town was hugely busy with visitors, both on the pavements and the waterways and I love the hustle and bustle of a high season holiday weekend when the atmosphere is joyful and celebratory.

On my friendly little street with it's terraced houses all tucked together in close proximity, we collectively organised a laid back Jubilee street party. We applied to the council for a permit to close the road to traffic, hung up strings of red, white and blue bunting and gathered together enough food and drink to feed a small army.

It was a lot of fun just being able to sit in the middle of the road and chat to neighbours from up and down the street, most of whom we did already know (thirty houses in total). There was cake....

....and of course there was Pimms served in paper cups. It was really ever so British and made me remember how very much I love Pimms (and cake) in the summertime.

May and early June is such a l-u-s-h time in the countryside and the abundance of greenery and general floral frothiness has really lifted my spirits lately. 

My daily morning walks in the woodland have continued to keep me simultaneously grounded and uplifted and I'm so thankful for this place that I call home.

Up until this week, the weather has been unseasonably cold (and very windy) during the past few months. I really hope that Summer will bring plenty of warmth and sunshine as I desperately feel a need for both.

I've been keeping an eye on the elderflowers around and about as I'm hoping to make a nice big batch of cordial again this year. The above photo was taken nine days ago, and since then most of the bushes I walk past are now in full floral froth. It's a glorious time of year and I absolutely love to (literally) bottle it up - I'll go and buy the sugar, lemons and oranges tomorrow so that I can get busy with it over the weekend if it stays dry. The recipe is on my blog here >> {Elderflower Cordial recipe, scroll down through the long-winded chatty blog post to find it}

What else to tell you? Building work finished here early last week, resulting in the safe dismantling of an old disused chimney stack and the back wall of our house being repaired and repointed. We asked the builders if they could leave the actual chimney pot for us as I thought it would be fun to plant something in it - my goodness, we were totally unprepared for the monstrous size of it, it's gigantic! It must stand four feet tall and was on top of a stack of heavy stone which was as high again - imagine, an eight foot tall chimney sitting very precariously on top of our bathroom roof, it blows my mind every time I think about it.

Our back yard is still in disarray because the scaffolding hasn't yet come down. I'm impatiently waiting for that to happen and then I can get busy with cleaning and tidying and planting up my pots for the summer.

The past few weeks I've been in full Mum-mode, supporting Little Lady as she revises and sits her A level exams. I think she's doing remarkably well in terms of managing both her time and her wellbeing, putting in many hours of revision and coping with a certain inevitable level of daily anxiety. She's only got two more exams left to do now, so next Tuesday I anticipate there will be much rejoicing, and I will finally be able to breathe out again.

This past week or two I've been working steadily away behind the scenes, finalising the colour palette for my next CAL blanket which will be revealed in November. I generally work around five months in advance which can be quite challenging for someone like me who much prefers the do-it-right-now spontaneous approach. Ahhhh......I can't wait to show you more, so exciting! I'm now working on the stitch design and it's been the usual frustrating, stop-start affair, but I spent a good few hours noodling with yarn and hook today and think I'm finally getting somewhere.

Goodness knows how many hours I've spent at the dining table during these past few weeks as it takes a LOT of time to work through the colour and pattern design process for one of my blankets. My whole heart and soul goes into each and every blanket and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Well I think that's about all for now, I hope you are doing ok out there in the world and enjoying these mid year months. Despite the emotional ups and downs, this really is my very best favourite time of year by far.

Thanks as always for popping into the Attic to visit, it's always so good to be here for a chat and a catch up....see you again soon xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

 

 

This Week...

This week...the Huntress wore a delightful Spring dress decorated with fresh wild garlic flowers and it made me smile big and wide.

This week...I enjoyed coffee in the park with a good friend, loving the sunshine on my face while we chatted and caffeinated.

This week...I received a beautifully wrapped gift in the post, a surprise from a very generous friend. It turned out to be the most inspirational book, I promise I'll show it to you very soon because I think you'd like it.

This week...I enjoyed running errands on a gorgeously warm and sunny spring afternoon. Walking to the shops is always a visual pleasure and I often feel like I'm on holiday as I go about my quiet business.

This week...there was a lot of  noise (and mess) as we have builders doing emergency work on the back of our house. That glorious old chimney stack is going to come down because its leaning dangerously, and the whole of the back wall is being repaired.

This week...I admired the old Yorkshire stone that our century old house is built from. I'm looking forward to seeing it repointed and brought back to life.

This week...yesterday in fact, I took my Little Lady out to breakfast and thoroughly enjoyed both the food and her good natured, chatty company.

This week...my Little Lady officially left school to begin her A level study leave and it's proving to be a highly emotional time for yours truly, unexpectedly so. She dressed up so beautifully for her farewell celebrations and it reminded me of this long-ago post when she was just four years old. And now....she's eighteen and no longer a school girl. All the Mummy feels, alllllll of them.

This week...I finally finished my umpteenth round of sampling and came to a decision about my latest blanket. It needs reworking with a bigger hook size and less colour changes, so I'm preparing to start all over again from scratch. Weirdly I'm not unhappy about starting over (I'd already made about a quarter of the blanket), I'm just excited to get busy with it again.

This week...I tried hard to find the joy in my working-from-home situation. It's been noisy with the builders knocking seven bells out of the back wall and the whole house needs a good tidy and clean. Everything has felt a bit overwhelming this week to be honest. But the kitty has been such a sweet companion and despite the messy chaos, I felt grateful for this rather haphazard home-based working life of mine.

I hope your week has been a good'n' - tell me something you're grateful for, I'd love to know....

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Dorset :: Easter 2022

Last month, on the second Friday in April, I took myself off on the train to travel down to Dorset. It's a pretty easy journey really, but it's a long one. The first three hours take me south to London, then there's a trek across the city via the underground, followed by another three hours or so out west to Dorset. Three over ground trains, two underground trains and a car journey, we're talking eight hours from door to door.

I really enjoy solo train travel though, I love the steady rhythm of being on the tracks, the endless views of the landscape through the window, and the time to sit and think about things. Sometimes I crochet or listen to music, but most often I prefer to just sit quietly and listen to the dialogue running inside my head. It can be very insightful to see where your mind wanders when you're sitting still and tuning in.

Six o'clock in the evening and I've arrived at Lady B's, a bit travel weary but in good spirits. The sun is shining, the bluebells are blooming in her walled garden.....

....and a chilled glass of vino arrives in front of me. Cheers!

The last few trips I've made to Dorset by myself, I've chosen to stay at my Dad's house which is where I lived aged 10-18 as well as being there during the holidays of my four student years. It's a peaceful house situated at the top of a hill with long distance views out across the countryside, and staying there by myself is nothing short of blissful. The solitude and quiet stillness feels like a huge luxury, and I especially enjoy the early mornings when I can sit in my old bedroom with a steaming hot mug of tea and the above familiar view from my childhood.

My first morning in Dorset was warm and sunny, and being a Saturday I was looking forward to having a potter around the market and shops. My Dad's house is a mile out of the town which means an enjoyable twenty minute walk  - these are familiar streets which I must have walked hundreds of times over the years.

Bridport street market is always very busy and well attended on a Saturday and it has a different feel to the market here in Skipton. Many of the stalls are an eclectic mix of vintage furniture, collectibles and crafts so there is always an interesting selection of objects to browse.

I loved seeing this French stall selling colourful "Savon de Marseille" soaps and the most beautiful straw baskets, it reminded me of my trip to Provence all those years ago. It probably won't surprise you to hear that I reeeeeeally wanted to buy myself one of the baskets to bring home, but at the time I couldn't justify the spend, or think of an easy way to carry it home on five trains. Next time I'm there (in July hopefully), I may not be able to resist.

All that browsing and pottering got me thirsty so Lady B and I settled ourselves into a cosy window seat in her favourite local café and ordered up some much needed refreshment. I had a cappuccino (made with very good Italian coffee) and a slice of the most delicious orange and almond cake. Probably a gazillion calories right there on that plate (and subsequently partying inside my tummy) but ooooh, it was so, so good. Excellent cake should always be eaten on holiday in my humble opinion.

I spotted these incredible flowers sitting in a bucket outside the wholefood shop and they literally stopped me in my tracks. Home grown flowers tied with string are impossibly lovely, and at £2 a bunch I scooped them right up and bought them for Lady B.

The rest of the day was spent relaxing in the garden and spending some time with my Dad, which included an afternoon jaunt to the local pub to enjoy a drink sitting in the sunny beer garden. It's not easy to be with my Dad at the moment, and I had to dig deep to find all my patience and stay calm. I love him dearly, but my goodness he is a very difficult human being!

I took the above photo as I was walking home for the night at around 9pm. Gosh the sky was incredibly beautiful with so many stars, I just stood still for a while with my head thrown back getting lost in the endlessness of it all.

Sunday morning and I was awake early enough to see the sun rise over the horizon at around 6:30am. As you can probably tell it was a very chilly start with a hard ground frost, but the clear sky promised a bright sunny day ahead.

I decided on the spur of the moment to claim the morning for myself, and with that came a huge rush of excited energy. Time alone to walk, think and just relax with my own company suddenly seemed like absolute perfection and I couldn't wait to get out and enjoy it. The above photo was taken at 8:10 am and I'm setting out to walk the three miles down to the sea.

Remember that poem I mentioned a while back, just before I set off for Dorset?

"I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide

Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied"

I can't tell you how deeply I feel the pull to be beside the shoreline, and just like in the poem I'm simply not able to resist the clear call. Lets go, it may not be denied!

The walk to the sea is a route that I know extremely well, having walked it so many times since being a child.

It was a sunny Sunday morning and everywhere was still sleepy and quiet as I strolled down familiar roads and pathways...

...stopping to appreciate the flowers...

...and following the river as it meandered through fields.

It struck me that Spring was in full swing in Dorset, a good few weeks ahead of us here in chilly North Yorkshire.

It took me just under an hour to get to the coast and the first glimpse of the harbour made my heart soar. 

I love this little place so, so much!

As always, I took my self right around the harbour and straight down to sit on west beach, to have the pebbles beneath me and feel my soul breathe out. I don't know why, but it always feels important for me to do this, like a small personal ritual of mine. 

Sitting on these pebbles somehow makes me feel at peace, like I've come home again. I sat here for quite a while listening to the rush of the waves breaking onto the shore which is one of my all time favourite things to do. On this early Sunday morning I had the whole beach to myself which felt like quite a treat.

Eventually my tummy began to rumble and I remembered that I hadn't yet had breakfast. Time to get up and go in search of good coffee and a bite to eat.

Back around the harbour I went, all the way round to the beach on the other side....

....where one of my favourite cafés was just getting ready to open.

Ahhhhh, just what I needed! It felt a bit strange to be there on my own at first as I'm usually at this café with J and the Little People, but I soon settled into my own company and didn't feel in the least bit bothered by dining solo. My breakfast was very good, the coffee even more so.

It's often the case that you don't realise quite how much you need solo time until you are actually right in the unexpected middle of it. This was one of those such times, and I felt very grateful for it I can tell you. 

Come on, I feel the need for one more walk along the shoreline.....

....and as the café is literally right on the shingle it's an easy skip and a jump onto the beach. The cliffs were looking as magnificent as ever, but scary too. There have been a number of large rock falls recently (just look at this one from November last year, ohmygosh, it's terrifying really) and so I never, ever walk near the base any more, cos it's just not safe. Nope, no, no....

....I stay as close to the water's edge as I can possibly be, trying not to actually get my feet wet in the process.

It was ever so lovely to be there, quiet with my own thoughts, strolling on the damp sand with the gulls crying and the waves crashing. I was kind of blissed out to be honest.

I sat down for a little rest and remembered I had packed snacks, oh, happy days! I am the Queen of Snacks it has to be said, and it doesn't come much better than a small clutch of mini eggs.

Suddenly it seemed like the right time to wander on back as it takes an hour to cross the fields and follow paths back into the town. Such a fine morning spent coastal pottering, it's one of the things I dream about when I'm living my land-locked Attic life up here in the North.

I thought you might like to see those flowers again, the ones I plucked out of the pavement buckets the day before. In the warmth of the house the tulips began to slowly unfurl and it was such a delight to watch it happen. Aren't they glorious?

Later that evening I took my Dad and Lady B out to dinner at a lovely local restaurant, a treat from me to them, but also a treat from me to me, haha. It was very delicious and I even had a pudding which was very indulgent of me but I was in that kind of a mood at the time. I wanted allllllll the sticky sweet things that aren't remotely healthy, I'm sure you know what I mean. So, so good.

Monday morning and another early wake up for me, but with absolutely zero complaints. Six in the morning is such a beautiful time to be awake in the early Spring, with dramatic skies and the promise of the sun still to come.

What pure joy it is to see the sun rise.

Lady B had asked if I wouldn't mind going back to West Bay for breakfast on the Monday morning, and I was only too happy to oblige. West Bay is definitely not short of places to enjoy a very fine breakfast or brunch experience, and this time we settled on Rise. We've been here quite a few times before when on holiday (it's one of Little Lady's favourite places to go) and I really, really like the laid back atmosphere here.

It's in such a great location, set on a small island at the wide mouth of the river where it begins to flow out into the harbour. Crossing over the wooden bridge makes it feel like an adventure....

....and once inside you feel relaxed and ready for some good coffee and delicious food.

Oh yeah....a great way to start the day without a doubt. It was too chilly to sit outside but I did enjoy the views out across the water very much.

We managed to persuade my Dad to walk out along the pier after our breakfast, even though he wasn't all that keen. It was pretty windy and the sea was quite wild so I'm glad he managed it because I'm sure that breathing fresh sea air into your lungs is good for you.

It was lovely to be in Dorset for a short while but it wasn't without stress. That's my Dad there in the above photo, we were taking a slow "constitutional" walk that he does with Lady B most afternoons. It's a short circular route through ancient woodland close to where Lady B lives, and I'm happy to know that he gets out and about each day because his life is mostly extremely sedentary. It's his birthday this week and he'll be 76, and well, things are tricky right now. During the past year we've noticed a steady decline in his memory and some cognitive impairment too, and I'm pretty sure that some form of dementia is taking hold. The difficulty is that he point blank refuses to discuss it and definitely won't agree to see anyone about it, and most of the time he won't even admit that he is struggling. He just tells us to leave him alone and stop interfering, and that he's happy so that's all that matters. It's so hard to know what to do for the best, and it breaks my heart to know that this is only going to get worse as time passes. Ah well, I do try not to dwell on it too much because there isn't very much to be done right now. I shall just keep making the journey to Dorset as often as I'm able so that I can spend as much time with him as possible. Time spent with parents is precious, isn't it, because those memories are all that we'll have one day.

Anyhow, I really didn't want to end on a gloomy note, but I did want to write about what's been happening during the past year as it has been affecting me quite a bit. I'm not a worrier by nature, I'm very much a take-it-as-it-comes type of person, so I think the best thing I can do is just keep being my usual cheery self and hope that whatever needs to happen will come about at the right time. And well, if the situation pulls me down to Dorset more frequently then I'm absolutely going to embrace it.

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