All the Feels

It's Wednesday afternoon and here I am sitting quietly with my own thoughts and a whole heap load of pretty complicated emotions. I'm feeling aaaaallllll the feels, stacks of them, layer upon teetering layer, the good the bad and the down right ugly.

I've been down in Dorset but now I'm home in the Attic again and slowly processing the events of the past week.

My Dad died very suddenly exactly a week ago, on Wednesday 2nd April, aged 78. We've been living with his dementia for four years, and so the end of his life was always something we were preparing for I guess. But as it happens, there is no way you can actually prepare for the sweep of loss when it roars in so unexpectedly on a normal Wednesday morning. He left us so fast and without any warning, so the shock of it all has been quite traumatic to be honest.

I feel like this past week has lasted a hundred years. I'm trying to just take each day as it comes and putting one foot in front of the other, I don't know what else to do other than to just try and stay afloat and stick to my gentle daily routines. Walking in the woods, enjoying a good coffee, spending time with J and the kidlets, food shopping, cooking, laundry, life.

Life goes on.

Before I went to Dorset I'd just finished crocheting a bag as well as working on a new blanket design and my creative life was in full tilt and full of joy. I was so excited to show you what I've been making and I'm hoping that I can pick that part of my life up again very soon, but I'm not quite there yet. I need a little more time for my heart to lighten again and for the heavy emotions to settle. But please know I'm OK, a little fragile yes, but I'm OK.

Thank you for reading, and for your company here in my precious Attic, I'm grateful to feel the connection we always share here, it means a lot.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

 

Comments

[Jean]

I am so sorry for your loss. I still miss my mum and my dad. It is a hard step in life. My dad died first, and years later when my mum died and my son and I were sorting through her things there was a note, never forget that we loved you. Jean

[Ange76]

I'm so sorry for your loss... sending you love and hugs.

[Karen Palmer]

So sorry to hear this. Yes day at a time is all you can do. Hope that reading all these messages, knowing that people care, helps you a little bit.
Take care x

[Bambi]

I'm so sorry, Lucy...sending love. I lost my Dad a year ago today. Slow down and take lots of time to work through the shock and grief. We all love you!

[Robyn Cocks]

Dear Lucy,

It is never easy losing a parent, and eventually you will be able to think of him without the terrible pain that you now feel. Memories are helpful and I am thinking of you. Robyn

[Leonie Dawson]

I’m so very sorry for your loss.

[Kay Thomas]

I lost my darling Mom 2 years ago to this vile disease. My heart still breaks. If I can offer you any advice it is to let yourself grieve. No one can tell you how you should feel. The hurt will always be there but eventually other people won’t feel what you do. Make the grief yours and find time to think and cry.
Memories are all we are left with. Hold them tight.
Much love xx

[Kate]

So sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is mind numbing, you feel like you’ve lost your harbor whether you were close or not. No one is ever prepared so take it easy. Only do things and be with people that bring you joy and get a lot of rest. We, your readers, will be waiting here patiently.

[laura k]

Hi- I have been thinking about you so much since I read this post a week ago. It is all the feels- Obviously i did not know your dad but I do know you and your kind gentle heart that has been tossed about in the after mass of loss and death and grief. I walk beside you in that weird liminal state that makes you question most everything and honestly makes me want to tidy up every room and closet so that if I were to go suddenly no mess would be left behind.... but there is always left behind bits, the unsaid bits, the un-lived desires and dreams. I don't know if this is a comfort or just a sharing in community as one does these days. I wish you a peaceful grief journey and that if you feel lonely in it the knowing of fellow travelers is of support. Laura K

[Katherine Brown]

Lucy, I am so sorry for your loss. Take the time to grieve. Remember both the good and bad times. Sing along to the songs that remind you of him and tell his stories to your loved ones.

[Helen]

Deepest sympathies to you. I love how your are talking about your emotions but carrying on and making the most of the usual daily routines. I am going to use your approach xx

[Sreekala]

Deepest condolences, Lucy.

[Dora Seltzer]

deepest condolences Lucy, many hugs to you, life continues...
Dora Seltzer, Florida USA

[Ruth]

So sorry for your loss. Sending wooly hugs. X

[Wendy]

I am so sorry for your loss. Take care and give yourself time to grieve.

[Femke]

Sorry for your loss Lucy. Hugs to you and your family and take care.

[Rina]

SO sorry for your loss. He will be with you always as my father whom I have lost 4 years ago is with me every day. Wishing you much better days.

[Heather]

Love to you Lucy . It’s a hard time but family and friends will help ease the pain xx

[Stacey]

Thinking of you, Lucy.

[Estelle]

Lucy, This community cares so much about you and wraps you in hugs and love.

[Carol]

I am so, so sorry. I know your pain. My mom passed away on April 2 as well, she was 88 and also suffered from dementia. I hear you telling my own story, the end coming quickly yet festering for so long. It was such a painful thing to watch. But our parents are at peace now, no longer confused or agitated. They are safe and loved more than we can even imagine. Take care of yourself, hug your family. You are loved by so many and their hearts are with you as well. Peace to you lovely Lucy.

[Theresa Brazier]

So sorry for your loss Lucy and all your family. My dad died 7 years ago on the 10th of April. Still miss him. Look after yourself.xxx❤️❤️

[Candis]

Lucy~ You have my deepest sympathy, and I am praying for you. Asking the Lord to help you and to comfort you.

[doris]

Oh Lucy. I had just headed here to your little precious corner of blogland after a difficult conversation with my own Dad who is suffering Parkinson in a very advanced stage, and your blog always gives me so much comfort and inspiration. And reading these sad news.

I am so sorry for your loss, dreading this day myself. Sending you lots of love and wishing you quiet time with your husband and your kids, let them take care of you and I hope you can get lots of sleep and take your time for grief and memories. All the best from Munich in Germany.

[Jenni Kelly]

I’ve only just looked at your blog and am so sad and sorry to read about the loss of your dad. However much you may be expecting it to happen, in my experience you are never, ever ready for the loss of a much loved parent. It’s over 20 years since my own dad passed but only 3 since I lost my mum. Hang on in there Lucy and work through this in your own time and at your own pace. I thought it might comfort you to know how much crochet helped me through my own very difficult time. I was making my second Yuletide during her last summer and vented all my worry and pain into that blanket. I made her a Christmas Yuletide mandala for her in hospital and gifted her the harbour blanket because she loved the colours. Sungold helped me through the worst of my grieving. I’m coming up to the final stages of my canalboat and wishing so much that I could show it to my mum - she’d have loved it. So I hope you find as much comfort and strength in your crochet as I have. Thinking of you and wishing you a brighter tomorrow ❤️