Last month, on the second Friday in April, I took myself off on the train to travel down to Dorset. It's a pretty easy journey really, but it's a long one. The first three hours take me south to London, then there's a trek across the city via the underground, followed by another three hours or so out west to Dorset. Three over ground trains, two underground trains and a car journey, we're talking eight hours from door to door.
I really enjoy solo train travel though, I love the steady rhythm of being on the tracks, the endless views of the landscape through the window, and the time to sit and think about things. Sometimes I crochet or listen to music, but most often I prefer to just sit quietly and listen to the dialogue running inside my head. It can be very insightful to see where your mind wanders when you're sitting still and tuning in.
Six o'clock in the evening and I've arrived at Lady B's, a bit travel weary but in good spirits. The sun is shining, the bluebells are blooming in her walled garden.....
....and a chilled glass of vino arrives in front of me. Cheers!
The last few trips I've made to Dorset by myself, I've chosen to stay at my Dad's house which is where I lived aged 10-18 as well as being there during the holidays of my four student years. It's a peaceful house situated at the top of a hill with long distance views out across the countryside, and staying there by myself is nothing short of blissful. The solitude and quiet stillness feels like a huge luxury, and I especially enjoy the early mornings when I can sit in my old bedroom with a steaming hot mug of tea and the above familiar view from my childhood.
My first morning in Dorset was warm and sunny, and being a Saturday I was looking forward to having a potter around the market and shops. My Dad's house is a mile out of the town which means an enjoyable twenty minute walk - these are familiar streets which I must have walked hundreds of times over the years.
Bridport street market is always very busy and well attended on a Saturday and it has a different feel to the market here in Skipton. Many of the stalls are an eclectic mix of vintage furniture, collectibles and crafts so there is always an interesting selection of objects to browse.
I loved seeing this French stall selling colourful "Savon de Marseille" soaps and the most beautiful straw baskets, it reminded me of my trip to Provence all those years ago. It probably won't surprise you to hear that I reeeeeeally wanted to buy myself one of the baskets to bring home, but at the time I couldn't justify the spend, or think of an easy way to carry it home on five trains. Next time I'm there (in July hopefully), I may not be able to resist.
All that browsing and pottering got me thirsty so Lady B and I settled ourselves into a cosy window seat in her favourite local café and ordered up some much needed refreshment. I had a cappuccino (made with very good Italian coffee) and a slice of the most delicious orange and almond cake. Probably a gazillion calories right there on that plate (and subsequently partying inside my tummy) but ooooh, it was so, so good. Excellent cake should always be eaten on holiday in my humble opinion.
I spotted these incredible flowers sitting in a bucket outside the wholefood shop and they literally stopped me in my tracks. Home grown flowers tied with string are impossibly lovely, and at £2 a bunch I scooped them right up and bought them for Lady B.
The rest of the day was spent relaxing in the garden and spending some time with my Dad, which included an afternoon jaunt to the local pub to enjoy a drink sitting in the sunny beer garden. It's not easy to be with my Dad at the moment, and I had to dig deep to find all my patience and stay calm. I love him dearly, but my goodness he is a very difficult human being!
I took the above photo as I was walking home for the night at around 9pm. Gosh the sky was incredibly beautiful with so many stars, I just stood still for a while with my head thrown back getting lost in the endlessness of it all.
Sunday morning and I was awake early enough to see the sun rise over the horizon at around 6:30am. As you can probably tell it was a very chilly start with a hard ground frost, but the clear sky promised a bright sunny day ahead.
I decided on the spur of the moment to claim the morning for myself, and with that came a huge rush of excited energy. Time alone to walk, think and just relax with my own company suddenly seemed like absolute perfection and I couldn't wait to get out and enjoy it. The above photo was taken at 8:10 am and I'm setting out to walk the three miles down to the sea.
Remember that poem I mentioned a while back, just before I set off for Dorset?
"I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied"
I can't tell you how deeply I feel the pull to be beside the shoreline, and just like in the poem I'm simply not able to resist the clear call. Lets go, it may not be denied!
The walk to the sea is a route that I know extremely well, having walked it so many times since being a child.
It was a sunny Sunday morning and everywhere was still sleepy and quiet as I strolled down familiar roads and pathways...
...stopping to appreciate the flowers...
...and following the river as it meandered through fields.
It struck me that Spring was in full swing in Dorset, a good few weeks ahead of us here in chilly North Yorkshire.
It took me just under an hour to get to the coast and the first glimpse of the harbour made my heart soar.
I love this little place so, so much!
As always, I took my self right around the harbour and straight down to sit on west beach, to have the pebbles beneath me and feel my soul breathe out. I don't know why, but it always feels important for me to do this, like a small personal ritual of mine.
Sitting on these pebbles somehow makes me feel at peace, like I've come home again. I sat here for quite a while listening to the rush of the waves breaking onto the shore which is one of my all time favourite things to do. On this early Sunday morning I had the whole beach to myself which felt like quite a treat.
Eventually my tummy began to rumble and I remembered that I hadn't yet had breakfast. Time to get up and go in search of good coffee and a bite to eat.
Back around the harbour I went, all the way round to the beach on the other side....
....where one of my favourite cafés was just getting ready to open.
Ahhhhh, just what I needed! It felt a bit strange to be there on my own at first as I'm usually at this café with J and the Little People, but I soon settled into my own company and didn't feel in the least bit bothered by dining solo. My breakfast was very good, the coffee even more so.
It's often the case that you don't realise quite how much you need solo time until you are actually right in the unexpected middle of it. This was one of those such times, and I felt very grateful for it I can tell you.
Come on, I feel the need for one more walk along the shoreline.....
....and as the café is literally right on the shingle it's an easy skip and a jump onto the beach. The cliffs were looking as magnificent as ever, but scary too. There have been a number of large rock falls recently (just look at this one from November last year, ohmygosh, it's terrifying really) and so I never, ever walk near the base any more, cos it's just not safe. Nope, no, no....
....I stay as close to the water's edge as I can possibly be, trying not to actually get my feet wet in the process.
It was ever so lovely to be there, quiet with my own thoughts, strolling on the damp sand with the gulls crying and the waves crashing. I was kind of blissed out to be honest.
I sat down for a little rest and remembered I had packed snacks, oh, happy days! I am the Queen of Snacks it has to be said, and it doesn't come much better than a small clutch of mini eggs.
Suddenly it seemed like the right time to wander on back as it takes an hour to cross the fields and follow paths back into the town. Such a fine morning spent coastal pottering, it's one of the things I dream about when I'm living my land-locked Attic life up here in the North.
I thought you might like to see those flowers again, the ones I plucked out of the pavement buckets the day before. In the warmth of the house the tulips began to slowly unfurl and it was such a delight to watch it happen. Aren't they glorious?
Later that evening I took my Dad and Lady B out to dinner at a lovely local restaurant, a treat from me to them, but also a treat from me to me, haha. It was very delicious and I even had a pudding which was very indulgent of me but I was in that kind of a mood at the time. I wanted allllllll the sticky sweet things that aren't remotely healthy, I'm sure you know what I mean. So, so good.
Monday morning and another early wake up for me, but with absolutely zero complaints. Six in the morning is such a beautiful time to be awake in the early Spring, with dramatic skies and the promise of the sun still to come.
What pure joy it is to see the sun rise.
Lady B had asked if I wouldn't mind going back to West Bay for breakfast on the Monday morning, and I was only too happy to oblige. West Bay is definitely not short of places to enjoy a very fine breakfast or brunch experience, and this time we settled on Rise. We've been here quite a few times before when on holiday (it's one of Little Lady's favourite places to go) and I really, really like the laid back atmosphere here.
It's in such a great location, set on a small island at the wide mouth of the river where it begins to flow out into the harbour. Crossing over the wooden bridge makes it feel like an adventure....
....and once inside you feel relaxed and ready for some good coffee and delicious food.
Oh yeah....a great way to start the day without a doubt. It was too chilly to sit outside but I did enjoy the views out across the water very much.
We managed to persuade my Dad to walk out along the pier after our breakfast, even though he wasn't all that keen. It was pretty windy and the sea was quite wild so I'm glad he managed it because I'm sure that breathing fresh sea air into your lungs is good for you.
It was lovely to be in Dorset for a short while but it wasn't without stress. That's my Dad there in the above photo, we were taking a slow "constitutional" walk that he does with Lady B most afternoons. It's a short circular route through ancient woodland close to where Lady B lives, and I'm happy to know that he gets out and about each day because his life is mostly extremely sedentary. It's his birthday this week and he'll be 76, and well, things are tricky right now. During the past year we've noticed a steady decline in his memory and some cognitive impairment too, and I'm pretty sure that some form of dementia is taking hold. The difficulty is that he point blank refuses to discuss it and definitely won't agree to see anyone about it, and most of the time he won't even admit that he is struggling. He just tells us to leave him alone and stop interfering, and that he's happy so that's all that matters. It's so hard to know what to do for the best, and it breaks my heart to know that this is only going to get worse as time passes. Ah well, I do try not to dwell on it too much because there isn't very much to be done right now. I shall just keep making the journey to Dorset as often as I'm able so that I can spend as much time with him as possible. Time spent with parents is precious, isn't it, because those memories are all that we'll have one day.
Anyhow, I really didn't want to end on a gloomy note, but I did want to write about what's been happening during the past year as it has been affecting me quite a bit. I'm not a worrier by nature, I'm very much a take-it-as-it-comes type of person, so I think the best thing I can do is just keep being my usual cheery self and hope that whatever needs to happen will come about at the right time. And well, if the situation pulls me down to Dorset more frequently then I'm absolutely going to embrace it.
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Laugh when you can, Lucy. I had an elderly neighbor who was in her 90s when it was decided she needed to go to the nursing home. She was quite a firecracker. Upon arrival she barricaded the door to her room with her bed, threatened her room mate and then climbed out the window. The nurses caught her before she could get away. She then spoke to the psychiatrist at length about her unfaithful husband who she believed was having an affair with her 96 year old sister who was in a nursing home in San Antonio. The doctor took very detailed notes and then was shocked when the head nurse told him that Jewel's husband had been dead for over 20 years. When I visited her one day I found that she had gotten hold of a green marker and colored her eyebrows with it! I miss her and look forward to seeing her again in heaven.
Posted by: Susan | May 09, 2022 at 02:30 AM
Hugs. Obstreperous elders are always difficult to deal with, but you can take comfort in knowing you are doing your best for him. It's good you are able to make time for yourself on these journeys as well. Thanks for the lovely photo tour as well, many of us can't visit but we can see Dorset and York through your eyes and that's an amazing gift.
Posted by: Lee | May 09, 2022 at 02:09 AM
I was utterly convinced that my partner had dementia, I did manage to persuade him to see his GP and it turned out he was vitamin B12 deficient. I mention this as it might be a way of getting your dad to see someone.
Posted by: Su | May 09, 2022 at 01:03 AM
Hello dearest Lucy ~
Lovely to see and thank you so much ~
It is Mothers Day in Canada so Happy Happy for you ~
~ X ~
Posted by: Louise Fisher | May 09, 2022 at 12:49 AM
Dear Lucy. . I completely understand your problem with your Dad. I am glad he has a supportive partner. There is advice available, please talk to other people about it.
I love solo train travel as well, as long as I have a seat! . I take a flask of coffee and a good book, and knitting or crochet. I think it’s good to get some time on your own, especially in your situation.
Take care of yourself Lucy x
Posted by: Ruth | May 08, 2022 at 11:10 PM
Hope this comment publishes as I sometimes have trouble. I understand about your Dad as mine had dementia and it can be so hard. Thanks for the lovely photo journey too and I also miss being close to the sea having grown up not far from it in Sydney. Were you far from Christchurch? We stayed there for a few nights last time we came to UK. Take care Lucy and hugs.
Posted by: Susan | May 08, 2022 at 11:02 PM
Despite the problems with your dad you can at least balance it with a little ‘me’ time which I’m sure helps a lot. Those window views are wonderful and I agree that long journeys must help to put things in perspective. Escaping each evening to your own personal space must give you a little respite on those tricky days. All you can do for him is be there as often as you can and just let him chat or do whatever takes his fancy. Keep smiling. And remember those beautiful moments by the sea. B x
Posted by: Barbara | May 08, 2022 at 10:33 PM
Sending hugs to you, your dad and Lady B. Its good to be reminded that the hard times can also be good times too, thanks xxx
Posted by: Kate | May 08, 2022 at 10:28 PM
You’re so right to take this time with your dad, my mum was taken seriously ill last year and I’d lost her within 6 months. She was only 76 and it was such a shock. There are many things I’d go back and redo but I was able to look after her right up until the end and that was such a privilege.
Posted by: Lisa | May 08, 2022 at 10:08 PM
Many years ago, My grandfather showed me pictures of his family. It was for a project I was doing at Uni. I was fascinated by these pictures of my ancestors in Victorian clothing posing for photos. They all looked the same, same pose, no smile. I sat for hours imagining what they were actually like. What they looked like when they smiled, how they spoke, If they giggled and told jokes. Fast forward to now. It occurred to me recently that I had technology in my hands that would make my children and any of their future children remember my parents and see them as they were....not just a photo. My dad has so many wonderful stories about his childhood and his parents but I have a mind like a sieve. I asked him last week if I could do a recorded interview with him just to talk about his life, his parents and family. All stuff that would be fascinating. I have asked my mum too. My husband is going to do it with his parents. I just would love for any future generations to see and hear what my parents were like, and for me personally, I know I will treasure it in years to come. xxx
Posted by: Ness | May 08, 2022 at 09:17 PM
Your dad is lucky to have a partner who cares for him, but she will be finding it extremely tough and needs support too. Those of us who have distance get to take a breath but being up close all the time is very hard indeed.
In my experience professional experience steps in as a last resort, when the person is in danger of harming themselves or others. It is far from easy to negotiate. People with dementia do not always understand they have problems so yes it is difficult to provide care, as you can not do anything without their permission and there needs to be demonstrable deterioration before you can make decisions on someone's behalf. Getting any kind of diagnosis can be difficult because of this. The gp was also reluctant as they didn't see formalising anything made a difference.It does.
Suffice to say there was a crisis point, but it was resolved to give peace of mind to all concerned. I hope you get that peaceful outcome too.
Posted by: Sandra | May 08, 2022 at 09:09 PM
Love the blog about my home place Dorset - feels like I am home too . I also had experience of dementia with my Dad although I had professional experience it was still difficult - the alzheimers society is a great source of support and their helpline will talk to family and carers- i reccommnend you call them for advice or just to share your feelings
I am hoping to retire to Dorset soon so thankyou for the reminder of the joy and peace I can have when I finally get there
Posted by: Julie | May 08, 2022 at 08:35 PM
I love a train journey too - time to gaze at the countryside and the sky but also to do some yarny stitchery or read! Feel for you with the challenge of your Dad’s decline. When my Dad was ill in Spain and finding things a struggle all we could do was talk about our concerns and then leave it. He had to make his own decisions even if we (me & my 4 siblings) disagreed and wanted to make more of a difference to his comfort. You’re not responsible , you can only do your best and he will know that you come from a place of love and concern even if he’s obstinate and confused at times. Be kind to yourself xx
Posted by: ChrisG | May 08, 2022 at 08:29 PM
Dorset looks like such a lovely place. I think they filmed Broadchurch in West Bay, if I remember correctly. It certainly looks like the same cliffs! So sorry to hear about your Dad, it is not an easy thing to witness especially when it’s someone you love and care about. My Mother went through the same thing a few years back so I know what it’s like. As someone said earlier you provide light to your Father’s Day when you visit and support Mrs B, you’re already doing everything that you possibly can. Thoughts are with you and Mrs B.
Posted by: Angela | May 08, 2022 at 08:29 PM
Your posts, your pictures, your words, are always so beatiful and touching. I think of you often as I fumble crochet.
Posted by: janet ward | May 08, 2022 at 08:19 PM
Love to read your posts Lucy. The descriptions and pictures are always beautiful and post thought provoking. A really difficult time for you. It makes such a difference that you can visit and support him.
Posted by: Anita Pearson | May 08, 2022 at 07:43 PM
Dear Lucy, I feel your pain, and if you want to email me and discuss how to deal with this difficult situation, I'd be delighted to help with my professional hat on. px
Posted by: Phil | May 08, 2022 at 07:36 PM
I love long train journeys, they’re a real treat for me!
I too love Dorset, there’s something old-fashioned about many of the places, soul soothing and timeless.
I have sympathies for you and your father; my father refused to even think about his declining abilities and we had to go along with him. He too was not easy at all.
Posted by: Lindsay | May 08, 2022 at 07:28 PM
Seeing a new post from Attic 24 is always exciting! I love your photos and descriptions of your journeys. Coping with a parent who has cognitive issues is difficult. You are a thoughtful daughter; your presence provides a light to his day and moral support for Lady B. Have a peaceful day!
Posted by: Ruth | May 08, 2022 at 07:02 PM
It is hard to know what to do when a parent is in that situation. Just the best you can do, and visiting him and providing moral support to Lady B must be very helpful. I love seeing the pictures of Dorset and now am hoping to visit some day: the sea, the cliffs, the sky! Take care, Lucy.
Polly from Massachusetts
Posted by: Polly | May 08, 2022 at 06:53 PM