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  • Thank you so much for visiting me in the Attic, it's lovely to see you. My name is Lucy and I'm a happily married Mum with three children. We live in a cosy terraced house on the edge of the Yorkshire Dales in England which we are slowly renovating and making home. I have a passion for crochet and colour and love to share my creative journey. I hope you enjoy your peek into my colourful little world x

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May 08, 2022

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Susan

Laugh when you can, Lucy. I had an elderly neighbor who was in her 90s when it was decided she needed to go to the nursing home. She was quite a firecracker. Upon arrival she barricaded the door to her room with her bed, threatened her room mate and then climbed out the window. The nurses caught her before she could get away. She then spoke to the psychiatrist at length about her unfaithful husband who she believed was having an affair with her 96 year old sister who was in a nursing home in San Antonio. The doctor took very detailed notes and then was shocked when the head nurse told him that Jewel's husband had been dead for over 20 years. When I visited her one day I found that she had gotten hold of a green marker and colored her eyebrows with it! I miss her and look forward to seeing her again in heaven.

Lee

Hugs. Obstreperous elders are always difficult to deal with, but you can take comfort in knowing you are doing your best for him. It's good you are able to make time for yourself on these journeys as well. Thanks for the lovely photo tour as well, many of us can't visit but we can see Dorset and York through your eyes and that's an amazing gift.

Su

I was utterly convinced that my partner had dementia, I did manage to persuade him to see his GP and it turned out he was vitamin B12 deficient. I mention this as it might be a way of getting your dad to see someone.

Louise Fisher

Hello dearest Lucy ~

Lovely to see and thank you so much ~
It is Mothers Day in Canada so Happy Happy for you ~

~ X ~

Ruth

Dear Lucy. . I completely understand your problem with your Dad. I am glad he has a supportive partner. There is advice available, please talk to other people about it.
I love solo train travel as well, as long as I have a seat! . I take a flask of coffee and a good book, and knitting or crochet. I think it’s good to get some time on your own, especially in your situation.
Take care of yourself Lucy x

Susan

Hope this comment publishes as I sometimes have trouble. I understand about your Dad as mine had dementia and it can be so hard. Thanks for the lovely photo journey too and I also miss being close to the sea having grown up not far from it in Sydney. Were you far from Christchurch? We stayed there for a few nights last time we came to UK. Take care Lucy and hugs.

Barbara

Despite the problems with your dad you can at least balance it with a little ‘me’ time which I’m sure helps a lot. Those window views are wonderful and I agree that long journeys must help to put things in perspective. Escaping each evening to your own personal space must give you a little respite on those tricky days. All you can do for him is be there as often as you can and just let him chat or do whatever takes his fancy. Keep smiling. And remember those beautiful moments by the sea. B x

Kate

Sending hugs to you, your dad and Lady B. Its good to be reminded that the hard times can also be good times too, thanks xxx

Lisa

You’re so right to take this time with your dad, my mum was taken seriously ill last year and I’d lost her within 6 months. She was only 76 and it was such a shock. There are many things I’d go back and redo but I was able to look after her right up until the end and that was such a privilege.

Ness

Many years ago, My grandfather showed me pictures of his family. It was for a project I was doing at Uni. I was fascinated by these pictures of my ancestors in Victorian clothing posing for photos. They all looked the same, same pose, no smile. I sat for hours imagining what they were actually like. What they looked like when they smiled, how they spoke, If they giggled and told jokes. Fast forward to now. It occurred to me recently that I had technology in my hands that would make my children and any of their future children remember my parents and see them as they were....not just a photo. My dad has so many wonderful stories about his childhood and his parents but I have a mind like a sieve. I asked him last week if I could do a recorded interview with him just to talk about his life, his parents and family. All stuff that would be fascinating. I have asked my mum too. My husband is going to do it with his parents. I just would love for any future generations to see and hear what my parents were like, and for me personally, I know I will treasure it in years to come. xxx

Sandra

Your dad is lucky to have a partner who cares for him, but she will be finding it extremely tough and needs support too. Those of us who have distance get to take a breath but being up close all the time is very hard indeed.

In my experience professional experience steps in as a last resort, when the person is in danger of harming themselves or others. It is far from easy to negotiate. People with dementia do not always understand they have problems so yes it is difficult to provide care, as you can not do anything without their permission and there needs to be demonstrable deterioration before you can make decisions on someone's behalf. Getting any kind of diagnosis can be difficult because of this. The gp was also reluctant as they didn't see formalising anything made a difference.It does.

Suffice to say there was a crisis point, but it was resolved to give peace of mind to all concerned. I hope you get that peaceful outcome too.

Julie

Love the blog about my home place Dorset - feels like I am home too . I also had experience of dementia with my Dad although I had professional experience it was still difficult - the alzheimers society is a great source of support and their helpline will talk to family and carers- i reccommnend you call them for advice or just to share your feelings

I am hoping to retire to Dorset soon so thankyou for the reminder of the joy and peace I can have when I finally get there

ChrisG

I love a train journey too - time to gaze at the countryside and the sky but also to do some yarny stitchery or read! Feel for you with the challenge of your Dad’s decline. When my Dad was ill in Spain and finding things a struggle all we could do was talk about our concerns and then leave it. He had to make his own decisions even if we (me & my 4 siblings) disagreed and wanted to make more of a difference to his comfort. You’re not responsible , you can only do your best and he will know that you come from a place of love and concern even if he’s obstinate and confused at times. Be kind to yourself xx

Angela

Dorset looks like such a lovely place. I think they filmed Broadchurch in West Bay, if I remember correctly. It certainly looks like the same cliffs! So sorry to hear about your Dad, it is not an easy thing to witness especially when it’s someone you love and care about. My Mother went through the same thing a few years back so I know what it’s like. As someone said earlier you provide light to your Father’s Day when you visit and support Mrs B, you’re already doing everything that you possibly can. Thoughts are with you and Mrs B.

janet ward

Your posts, your pictures, your words, are always so beatiful and touching. I think of you often as I fumble crochet.

Anita Pearson

Love to read your posts Lucy. The descriptions and pictures are always beautiful and post thought provoking. A really difficult time for you. It makes such a difference that you can visit and support him.

Phil

Dear Lucy, I feel your pain, and if you want to email me and discuss how to deal with this difficult situation, I'd be delighted to help with my professional hat on. px

Lindsay

I love long train journeys, they’re a real treat for me!
I too love Dorset, there’s something old-fashioned about many of the places, soul soothing and timeless.
I have sympathies for you and your father; my father refused to even think about his declining abilities and we had to go along with him. He too was not easy at all.

Ruth

Seeing a new post from Attic 24 is always exciting! I love your photos and descriptions of your journeys. Coping with a parent who has cognitive issues is difficult. You are a thoughtful daughter; your presence provides a light to his day and moral support for Lady B. Have a peaceful day!

Polly

It is hard to know what to do when a parent is in that situation. Just the best you can do, and visiting him and providing moral support to Lady B must be very helpful. I love seeing the pictures of Dorset and now am hoping to visit some day: the sea, the cliffs, the sky! Take care, Lucy.

Polly from Massachusetts

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