Hello, hello, helloooooooooo!!!! It's me, I'm back, and I would like to say a massive big thank you to everyone who has checked in with me just lately and left such kind messages. Thank you ever so, you have no idea how much a few kind words can lighten the weight of the day sometimes.
So yeah, I'm back. I've decided just to emerge from my burrow and blink directly into the light without very much thought as to what I want to say, other than I'm glad I'm finally feeling up to writing again. It's been a pretty dark, murky, grey few weeks to be honest, both in the literal sense (the weather has been vile, so dark and gloomy) and in the emotional sense too.
A brief explanation - I had to change my HRT prescription at the beginning of November (because of certain side effects I was having) and unfortunately over the past month my mood has plummeted down into a rather bleak place. It turned out that the dosage of the new stuff was all wrong (half of what it should have been) but after sorting it out last week I'm very slowly starting to feel a smidge better.
During this time I've tried to make the best of my days even when I've felt at a very low ebb.
I've been out walking every single day no matter what the weather as I know that fresh air and exercise are an absolute daily essential for me.
We've had endless days of very low light where it feels like we've been on the edge of darkness all day long. Occasionally there would be a break in the clouds and yep, you know what's coming.....I drop everything and rush outside to drink in any glimmer of sunshine, I absolutely can't stay indoors when there is a chance of catching some sun. The above photo was just after 3pm on Sunday - I was literally speed walking along the canal chasing the last of the sunbeams before they disappeared over the horizon.
At times I feel so desperate for the light and it's such a weird feeling to crave something so deeply and on such a fundamental level. Clear, bright daylight, that's all I want.
J and I walked about 5 miles on Monday, just a local stroll out of our front door, up hilly streets, along quiet country lanes and a lengthy stretch along the canal tow path. It was late morning when we set off so we took a picnic lunch with us - nothing fancy, just a hastily made sandwich with some cheese crackers, but we did also have a flask of fresh coffee and some chocolate too. We sat on a bench close to that blue boat and lunched al fresco in the cold, but it was such a simple, enjoyable thing to do on a grey December day.
December hasn't been especially cold so far actually, in fact November felt far more wintry. We had snow at the end of November, I took lots of lovely photos so I'll try and pull together some sort of a blog post to share here as I'd like to be able to remember what last month looked and felt like, even if at times it was a bit bleak. It's good to remember the honesty of it all I think, the ups and the downs of daily life.
As is often the case, I've found that little seasonal rituals have kept me grounded and have brought me a lot of joy. Small moments of peace when everything has felt off kilter, and often from the simplest of things. Potted hyacinth bulbs came into the supermarkets in late November and as always they felt like the biggest treat. I love the anticipation they bring - the slow, steady wait for the greenery to grow tall and the flowers to bloom.
Lighting my advent candle every day in the run up to Christmas is another ritual that I enjoy very much. This is a fairly recent thing for me, I had my first ever advent candle in 2017 and then every year since. We usually light it at dinner time as we are a family who sits down at the table to eat together most nights, and it's lovely to have the candle burning while we eat.
Other seasonal pleasures are of the fruity variety - I carried home this box of sweet, juicy clementines from the market on Saturday....
.....and pomegranates are in season now too - yay! I do really love these crazy, complicated fruits!
Eating healthy food has really helped me feel a bit better in the scheme of things, it's something positive I've been able to focus on and I'm sure has made a big difference. When mental and emotional wellbeing is on the low side, it can be very tempting to eat allll the sweet sugary things (for me personally these cravings have been quite intense just recently). It's been a job to resist and I haven't always managed it, but I have really tried hard to treat myself with care and compassion. Healthy wholesome food, good quality sleep and as much outdoor walking as possible have helped me keep my physical energies topped up even when I've felt drained in other ways.
Although my hormones are very out of whack at the moment, the lack of daylight is also causing me to feel much lower than usual, and I realised this week that I need to do more to try and help myself cope. I bought myself a daylight lamp which has enough lumens to help combat the symptoms of SAD, and I'm going to use it every morning for 30-40 minutes in the hope that it will make me feel a little more like myself again. There are a lot of lamps on the market and they vary hugely in terms of price, function and design, so I chose one that I liked the look of that wasn't too expensive and had good reviews (it's this one on Amazon) and it's plugged in beside my bed. It only arrived yesterday, so this morning was the first time using it - wow - it's bright! But it's oddly comforting and does feel a little bit like having the sun shine on your face. I'll let you know how I get on with it in the coming weeks.
Ah....this blog post does suddenly feel a little bit moany, I'm so sorry, it absolutely wasn't my intention to come here and throw a pity party. I promise you I am doing OK and am hopeful that I'll very soon begin to feel my energy return.
There has been some gentle creativity going on in recent weeks, and I've loved spending time with hook and yarn. I've been working in fits and starts on my Yuletide Garland, designing and making some new things which has been exciting and frustrating in equal measures. I've designed two sizes of ivy leaves, some eucalyptus, orange slices and a poinsettia flower, and I've even managed to write out the patterns for them, although I think the eucalyptus still needs a bit of work. I'm well aware that it's only a week until Christmas and that this is all happening far too late, but that's the way it goes sometimes. Maybe this will just have to be kept on the back burner now until next year.
I've also started crocheting up a second version of the Harbour blanket, a variation on a colourwash design and I'm enjoying it MAssIveLy. I should have it finished by the time the CAL starts on 7th January, so I'll be able to give you a sneaky peek of both blankets then. The Harbour CAL will have weekly instalments for both versions so if you're planning on joining in with the Crochet-A-Long then you can choose which one you like best.
I would like to take the opportunity to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the support and friendship that you send my way, especially with regards to my blanket projects. It means such a lot to me, hard to put into words, but I hope you know how grateful I am.
I'll be back very soon to have a look back into November if you'd like to see a bit of what that month looked like for me. Thanks as always for keeping my company, I really appreciate it. Oh, and I need to show you my knitting too - I finished a pair of socks, learnt to knit fairisle, made myself some wrist warmers and cast on a fairisle hat!! Yes, I'd almost forgotten I did all that last month, more on all that coming soon xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ps I can knit fairisle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With two hands and two strands, following a chart and everything!!!!!!!!!!! Might be a weeny bit excited about it too.
