Emerging from the Grey

Hello, hello, helloooooooooo!!!! It's me, I'm back, and I would like to say a massive big thank you to everyone who has checked in with me just lately and left such kind messages. Thank you ever so, you have no idea how much a few kind words can lighten the weight of the day sometimes.  

So yeah, I'm back. I've decided just to emerge from my burrow and blink directly into the light without very much thought as to what I want to say, other than I'm glad I'm finally feeling up to writing again. It's been a pretty dark, murky, grey few weeks to be honest, both in the literal sense (the weather has been vile, so dark and gloomy) and in the emotional sense too.

A brief explanation - I had to change my HRT prescription at the beginning of November (because of certain side effects I was having) and unfortunately over the past month my mood has plummeted down into a rather bleak place. It turned out that the dosage of the new stuff was all wrong (half of what it should have been) but after sorting it out last week I'm very  slowly starting to feel a smidge better. 

During this time I've tried to make the best of my days even when I've felt at a very low ebb.

I've been out walking every single day no matter what the weather as I know that fresh air and exercise are an absolute daily  essential for me.

We've had endless days of very low light where it feels like we've been on the edge of darkness all day long. Occasionally there would be a break in the clouds and yep, you know what's coming.....I drop everything and rush outside to drink in any glimmer of sunshine, I absolutely can't stay indoors when there is a chance of catching some sun. The above photo was just after 3pm on Sunday - I was literally speed walking along the canal chasing the last of the sunbeams before they disappeared over the horizon.

At times I feel so desperate for the light and it's such a weird feeling to crave something so deeply and on such a fundamental level. Clear, bright daylight, that's all I want. 

J and I walked about 5 miles on Monday, just a local stroll out of our front door, up hilly streets, along quiet country lanes and a lengthy stretch along the canal tow path. It was late morning when we set off so we took a picnic lunch with us - nothing fancy, just a hastily made sandwich with some cheese crackers, but we did also have a flask of fresh coffee and some chocolate too. We sat on a bench close to that blue boat and lunched al fresco in the cold, but it was such a simple, enjoyable thing to do on a grey December day.

December hasn't been especially cold so far actually, in fact November felt far more wintry. We had snow at the end of November, I took lots of lovely photos so I'll try and pull together some sort of a blog post to share here as I'd like to be able to remember what last month looked and felt like, even if at times it was a bit bleak. It's good to remember the honesty of it all I think, the ups and the downs of daily life. 

As is often the case, I've found that little seasonal rituals have kept me grounded and have brought me a lot of joy. Small moments of peace when everything has felt off kilter, and often from the simplest of things. Potted hyacinth bulbs came into the supermarkets in late November and as always they felt like the biggest treat. I love the anticipation they bring - the slow, steady wait for the greenery to grow tall and the flowers to bloom.

Lighting my advent candle every day in the run up to Christmas is another ritual that I enjoy very much. This is a fairly recent thing for me, I had my first ever advent candle in 2017 and then every year since. We usually light it at dinner time as we are a family who sits down at the table to eat together most nights, and it's lovely to have the candle burning while we eat.

Other seasonal pleasures are of the fruity variety - I carried home this box of sweet, juicy clementines from the market on Saturday....

.....and pomegranates are in season now too - yay! I do really love these crazy, complicated fruits!

Eating healthy food has really helped me feel a bit better in the scheme of things, it's something positive I've been able to focus on and I'm sure has made a big difference. When mental and emotional wellbeing is on the low side, it can be very tempting to eat allll the sweet sugary things (for me personally these cravings have been quite intense just recently). It's been a job to resist and I haven't always managed it, but I have really tried hard to treat myself with care and compassion. Healthy wholesome food, good quality sleep and as much outdoor walking as possible have helped me keep my physical energies topped up even when I've felt drained in other ways.

Although my hormones are very out of whack at the moment, the lack of daylight is also causing me to feel much lower than usual, and I realised this week that I need to do more to try and help myself cope. I bought myself a daylight lamp which has enough lumens to help combat the symptoms of SAD, and I'm going to use it every morning for 30-40 minutes in the hope that it will make me feel a little more like myself again. There are a lot of lamps on the market and they vary hugely in terms of price, function and design, so I chose one that I liked the look of that wasn't too expensive and had good reviews  (it's this one on Amazon) and it's plugged in beside my bed. It only arrived yesterday, so this morning was the first time using it - wow - it's bright! But it's oddly comforting and does feel a little bit like having the sun shine on your face. I'll let you know how I get on with it in the coming weeks.

Ah....this blog post does suddenly feel a little bit moany, I'm so sorry, it absolutely wasn't my intention to come here and throw a pity party. I promise you I am doing OK and am hopeful that I'll very soon begin to feel my energy return.

There has been some gentle creativity going on in recent weeks, and I've loved spending time with hook and yarn. I've been working in fits and starts on my Yuletide Garland, designing and making some new things which has been exciting and frustrating in equal measures. I've designed two sizes of ivy leaves, some eucalyptus, orange slices and a poinsettia flower, and I've even managed to write out the patterns for them, although I think the eucalyptus still needs a bit of work. I'm well aware that it's only a week until Christmas and that this is all happening far too late, but that's the way it goes sometimes. Maybe this will just have to be kept on the back burner now until next year.

I've also started crocheting up a second version of the Harbour blanket, a variation on a colourwash design and I'm enjoying it MAssIveLy. I should have it finished by the time the CAL starts on 7th January, so I'll be able to give you a sneaky peek of both blankets then. The Harbour CAL will have weekly instalments for both versions so if you're planning on joining in with the Crochet-A-Long then you can choose which one you like best.

I would like to take the opportunity to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the support and friendship that you send my way, especially with regards to my blanket projects. It means such a lot to me, hard to put into words, but I hope you know how grateful I am. 

I'll be back very soon to have a look back into November if you'd like to see a bit of what that month looked like for me. Thanks as always for keeping my company, I really appreciate it. Oh, and I need to show you my knitting too - I finished a pair of socks, learnt to knit fairisle, made myself some wrist warmers and cast on a fairisle hat!! Yes, I'd almost forgotten I did all that last month, more on all that coming soon xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

ps I can knit fairisle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With two hands and two strands, following a chart and everything!!!!!!!!!!! Might be a weeny bit excited about it too. 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Vicki B.]

Your post reminded me of my SAD light. I ordered it a couple of years ago, and kept it downstairs, but my hubby complained it was too bright for him sitting across the room. I will put it on my bedside table while I listen to podcast in the morning. My husband is a very early riser, so he will be downstairs....

[anne]

Dear Lucy
you are one busy woman well done. your work is just beautiful. I would love the pattern for your poinsettia flower please?
Anne McDonagh

[Norma]

Wishing you a wonderful holiday with your family. I enjoy your blog for the crochet patterns and inspiration, of course, but also for your openness and honesty about the emotions of life. May 2022 bring good things!

[Mary M]

Glad to see things are getting better for you Lucy. Taking time for myself and slowing down always helps me. I am really looking forward to the crochet along! I couldn't believe the yarn pack got to me here in the US in three days. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year!

[Annette]

Great to read your most recent post Lucy. Hope you continue to feel even better. Also I wish you and your husband and family a wonderful Christmas and best wises for a healthy, happy 2022. Thank you so much for all your posts and patterns, they are an absolute joy.

[Lee]

Congratulations on learning Fair Isle and getting your hormones more into order, Lucy! Your posts are always a ray of sunshine in my day and I wish you the very happiest of holidays.

[CynthiaInOlympia]

You have been an inspiration to me in getting back into crochet which I did when young. I always find your writings wonderful and informative. I really wish you very well in the coming year.

[Nora McGrann]

Hi Lucy
Another lovely blog...
Great to see you back!

Hope you and your family enjoy a lovely Christmas time.and a productive year ahead..
Spring is not too far away now we've turned the corner..on 21st..
Keep safe....Nora 🌲😘🌲

[Kim]

Good to hear you are taking care of yourself and lovely honesty from you, thank you. Here in NZ we have loads of summer sunshine now so we are out and about enjoying it. So good for the soul. Have a happy Christmas break.

[Conni]

I remember my own struggles with menopause, I began quite young, I was only 40. The hot flashes were horrible, and I had to go on HRT also. I hope you feel better soon, I really sympathize. God bless you, Lucy, you are a treasure. Happy Solstice and Merry Christmas.

[Michelle Haywood]

Good to see you making your way back...I'm a long-time follower but first time commenter! I find it difficult myself living with my own health problems and it's lovely to hear someone else being so honest about theirs. Am going to do the harbour cal for a local palliative care charity...can't wait to be part of your gang!! Xx

[Julia]

I'm so glad you are feeling better and more like yourself again. I too love a sunny day and blue skies, especially a bright and sunny cold day - my favorite. I went out for a walk today and it felt so nice. I need to do it much more often - so good for my body and mind. I hope you have a wonderful week leading up to Christmas. Merry Christmas. Take care.

[georgie robb]

I hope you’re feeling better Lucy. I understand that feeling.
Wishing you & your family a Merry Christmas. 🎄
Also, congratulations on the fair isle knitting, I would love to be able to do that.

[Michele]

Greetings from Arizona. So happy to see you back online. Soon the days will be getting longer instead of ahorter. I also will be happy for that change. Wishing you the very best. Michele

[karen]

So very glad to see you back. May solstice blessings rain down on you tomorrow and the energy rising meet you and support you on your way forward through the year. I hope you know how much sunshine you give to us all.

[Bonnie]

I'm glad they were able to adjust your medication, and I hope that you feel much better soon. I also use a daylight lamp during the winter. It's a helpful tool to have when the days are so dark!

[Lesley]

Completely understand about the grey and darkness. I struggle every year and it seems harder this year. Like you I try and get out in the daylight each day. My best winters were those spent in NZ and south of Spain feasting on sunshine!!

[Tammy]

I was so glad to see your post and that you are feeling better :) I totally understand with having navigated through some of that too. Congratulations on your awards also! Hope you and your family have a most wonderful Christmas!

[Pamela G]

Hi Lucy. Glad you are feeling a bit better and hope the revised medication does the job. Congratulations on your well-deserved awards. Hope you have a lovely Christmas with your family.

[Ida]

Congratulations to your award! Saw it on Instagram. Well done. I also wish you a very merry Christmas with lots of joy and warmth with family and friends.
Take care
Ida

[Audrey Y]

Hello from Texas! I’ve enjoyed your blog for several years now - for the wonderful crochet inspiration, naturally, but also for the beautiful descriptions of your lovely town and home. I always feel as though I’m visiting you there in the Attic!

[Sue Floyd]

Your comment about chasing the sunlight is so real. My husband struggles with the seasonal sunlight deficiency, and in fact, he will see sunlight shining through a window and grab a pillow and lay on the floor til it moves to another window. He's ok in the summer because he can golf & get lots of sun. We have a SAD light and he feels it helps.
I must admit I saw the poinsettia and holly in the basket & got so excited. I'm sure I'm not alone in hoping you do a garland in the future.
The new CAL sound fun tho.
Thanks for all your posts.
Happy holidays to you & yours, Lucy!

[carolyn mary jackson]

Congrats on your awards Lucy, you do so much for us all.Also plsd you are feeling a lot better, I know we all miss your lovely blogs. Happy Christmas, we have 28 degrees here in NZ today. Lets hope next year will be better , we have a son in the UK so we keep a close eye on Covid etc, such a difficult time for all.Cheers Caro.

[Kathy Anderson-Scott]

Oh Lucy. I have so much empathy for you in the hormonal horror that is menopause. Really glad you are doing HRT though as I believe it is the answer long and term.
Also relate to the SAD effect and I had a light before migrating to AotearoaNZ to get good sunlight. I think waking to bright light does help left the mood first thing, as the dark cold mornings are not inspiring ...and low hormones just make everything a hundred times harder. (On top of the pandemic, this is a terrible time to be menopausal!)>
Wishing you a speedy hormonal re-balance and a tolerable time through to springtime and the wonder it brings. Your crochet as always continues to bring joy and colour to so many people around the globe and we are so very grateful to your beautiful kind and generous soul. xx

[Charlotte]

Lucy, so glad that you are feeling better. Merry Christmas!!!