This time last week I was down in Dorset, walking along this gorgeously leafy little footpath. The dappled shades of sunlit green were breathtaking.
I was walking alone, following a familiar footpath across fields that would take me from the town to the sea. I've walked this route many, many times since being a child and it's familiarity was comforting and welcome.
I went straight to the beach and plonked myself down on the warm shingle, at a loss as to what exactly to do with myself.
I had such a very, very heavy heart. I felt so utterly sad this time last week, at a complete loss as to how to remove the solid lump of sorrow that was stuck in the pit of my stomach.
I spent hours gazing out to sea, watching boats come and go, seagulls wheeling overhead, children splashing in the shallows, dogs digging and dashing. The normal stuff of a sunny Sunday afternoon.
But my Mum has gone.
She died on the 18th May, and thankfully I was able to make the 300 mile journey by train to arrive at the hospital to spend the last few hours with her. My brother and I were both with her when she died, her last breath sure was peaceful, like a soft sigh of pure relief. A gentle end to her many sad struggles, I really hope with all my heart that she has finally found the peace that eluded her in life.
I ended up staying down in Dorset for almost a week to sort out the many things that needed sorting. It was emotional and exhausting, as you would expect and I missed J and the Little People like crazy. I'm home again right now, sitting at my desk thinking that I should perhaps be writing more, feeling more. It's a complex cocktail of emotions I can tell you - perhaps one day I might be able to say more but right now I just need to continue to keep the whys and wherefores to myself. The story is just too sad and sorry to share.
We'll head back down south later today, it's school holidays and we had already planned to head to Dorset during this week. It's such a bitter sweet time - Dorset is looking stunningly glorious at this time of year and I'm looking forward to being back there with my family, despite the sadness.
I'm alright though, please do know that - I'm really alright. We'll have the funeral this week and say an official goodbye, and life will go on. I'm a lover of life, each day is precious, to be treasured and enjoyed. There is so much to be grateful for.