Curveballs

I am having a huge amount of difficulty finding enough words to chat at the moment, so please do forgive me if this post is a bit flat, or not what you would usually expect from me here.

Truthfully I've had a tough few weeks dealing with some unexpected curveballs. Wham, out of nowhere they have come, hitting me hard and knocking me off my feet for a while.

I've been trying to take care of myself whilst dealing with rather a lot of stress and worry. And sadness too. My poor Mum is very ill again, I had a call early last week to say she had been taken into hospital and although she is home now things are really not looking good. I am very worried for her and I am also 300 miles away which makes things extra difficult. Oh well, I am trying to hope for the best and will see if there is any way I can travel down to Dorset for a quick visit sometime very soon.

The weather here has somehow echoed my mood and it's been dull, grey and wet for much of the time. Autumn is creeping in, bringing it's damp and cold and I'm not particularly happy to be packing away my flip flops. In fact, exchanging flip flops for wellies has been pretty rubbish actually.

Some good things though....I have unexpectedly discovered a growing admiration for hydrangeas, after so many years of not caring one jot for them. I certainly wouldn't say I am smitten, but I have really found myself looking at the beautiful subtle colours of my neighbours blowzy bushes and finding myself liking what I've seen.

Yesterday, the rain eased up for a few hours and I went out foraging for Autumnal feel-good. I walked through the park, along the canal, around my neighbourhood, into town and back again, plucking little snippets of fallen nature from pavements, searching under the trees in the park and sneaking a few colourful oddments from bushes and trees as I walked past. I love how the drying, fading hydrangea flowers bring some beautiful pinks and blues to the Autumn Rainbow. I had a fun morning yesterday, playing with my gathered bits of nature and my camera and enjoying myself hugely. It took my mind away from the fretting and allowed me to free-fall through a wonderfully creative morning full of happiness. I'll share my photos with you in another post, they need their very own little ta-dah I think.

Autumn inspiration is once again creeping into my yarny world too, almost without me realising it. These are colours for a new blanket just beginning on my hook...........

.........I hunkered down in the studio on Monday whilst it poured with rain outside and counted that foundation chain veeeeeery carefully (198, no more, no less), then away I went with the first exciting row. Beginning a new blanket is one of the most exciting things in the whole wide world, and it never fails to make me insanely happy.

In fact, this past week I can honestly say I don't know what I would have done without crochet and colour in my life, it has lifted my spirits when I have felt very un-liftable. I have spent a lot of time close to home this week, but the little snippets of time I've had at the studio have been colour-soaked, creative and therapeutic.

Last week wasn't so good. Another curveball that I really, really didn't see coming and it knocked me completely upside-down for a bit. Very suddenly and unexpectedly, my friend Tracy came to tell me that she was leaving the studio. You may remember our story, it's been 18 months since we were both on our hands and knees scrubbing that old floor together and making this room come alive. It feels very empty without her there.

I have been very sad about her leaving, and due to the worry with my Mum, plus the extreme tiredness post-Yarndale, I was far more emotional than usual and spent a whole day bawling my eyes out. Poor Tracy, I know this hasn't been an easy decision for her and she probably wasn't expecting me to be so dramatic (that's not my style at all, I am usually able to take most things in my stride), but anyhow. I do totally understand her reasons for taking her handmade business back to the familiar comforts of home, and so I am trying hard to accept it and adjust. In fact, this week I have begun to sit down in the studio and take a good look around this precious room and realise that it'll be OK. The abruptness of the change has upset me, but I am starting to find the positive in it and move myself gently forward. I'll have more space to spread myself and my colourful clobber out in, more shelves to fill with yarn, more walls on which to hang bright, happy, creative things.

Every (dark, grey, wet) cloud has a (shiny, bright, happy) silver lining.....

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

ps I'm off to London to the Knitting & Stitching Show tomorrow, I'm rather excited! Next week I'll be back here in the Attic to tell you all about Yarndale, I know many of you are waiting for pictures. Sorry I haven't been up to doing it this week. x

 

 

Comments

[Norma]

Lucy, I'm from Argentina and love your blog and everything you do!. You are so talented. I learned to crochet when I was very Young but never loved it so much as from the moment I first saw what you did (excuse my english please). I've lost my mum this year and never had a good relationship with her but I miss her just the same. But something I learned, embrace every day with joy and hope, be thankful for all you have not thinking about what you lost because sometimes you loose something or things change but new ones await you, better ones. You live in a beautiful place, sorrounded by nature,with your beautiful family and your creative mind.
Now, about crochet, I bought your yarns, oh my dear!! what colors!!! you are a genious. I'ma Little behind, Im going to crochet the granny patchwork one, for my grandaughter, she loves colorful blankets!. This new one, my next Project. Love xxx Norma.

[Carolyn Geoffrey]

What a great idea! I'll be more than happy (excited, actually) to join you in a crochet-along. Thanks for inviting us to join you, Lucy, and thank you for sharing your pattern. I plan to use up bits of my stash (which is way too large) to crochet my cozy blanket :)

I love the colors you have chosen for your cozy blanket.

[Carla]

Awk Lucy, I'm so sorry you're mum isn't well. That must be so hard given she is not close by. I will keep her in my prayers. Sending you a big cyberhug. <3

[Corien]

I love your autumnal colours. I would love to start a blanket for myself with these colours. Right now I'm making a ripple blanket for my ten year old son. He's choosing the colours himself. I like him doing that, but I need to wear sunglasses while working on it!
That's why I would love to start something for myself with your beautiful autum colours.
Would you tell me what shades you chose, after your blog break? I would very much appreciate it.
Best wishes, Corien.

[Janet M Ramon]

Lucy, I have been reading your blog for over a year and have been very inspired to crochet again. Just think of the unfortunate as a window opening to new possibilities. Hoping all will turn out well.

[mandy]

Poor Lucy, so sorry to hear about your sad days. Love and best wishes to you and your family xx

[Carol]

So sorry about your mom---hope that she's better soon. But you need to do what is best for you and your family and ignore the negativity and criticism of "Helen" and others. They can't possibly know what is best for you to do in this situation. Thank you so much for all of your beautiful and colorful projects and the photographs that inspire so many of us! Sending you support and good wishes for a brighter time.

[Danielle Ludlow]

Dear, Sweet Lucy
I have been reading most of the comments received so far and think they articulate what all of us are feeling so beautifully. Albeit we don't know personally, the warmth, love and inspiration you share with us connects us all to you so wonderfully and in turn the positivity and love coming back to you is hundreds of thousands fold!!! None of us can bare to imagine you feeling unhappy and wish the sunshine to return very, very soon, as it will.
Take care, Lucy, we all love you dearly x

[Ally]

Lucy, I think you're brilliant. I love your blog. And now crocheting too. Thank you for getting me in to it. Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time of it at the moment. I really admire the honesty and calmness in your last post. I'm saddened to hear that anyone is judging you and being negative towards you. Please don't let it put you off blogging - your blog is one of my favourite things and I hate to think that it's been tainted by anything negative. Sending you the very best of wishes - that your wishes come true, and that if they don't you have the strength and courage and support to get through it.

[susy]

Conspiracy-minded I know, but I suspect 'Helen' and her deliberately misspelled alter-egos might all just be one of your less-generous online rivals -- I certainly felt I recognised 'Helen's' locution from familiar Australian posts...

[Jones]

Hi Lucy, what an unsettling time for you and off the back of such a busy, happy time with Yarndale too. I read on Tracey's blog about her leaving the studio and wondered how you would feel about it. Must feel strange at the moment but you'll have it feeling all cosy and homely before you know it. Hope your mum is on the mend very soon too.
While the big things are chaotic, take pleasure in the little things,
Jones x

[silvana]

lots of cyber kisses and hugs and positive energy supplies for your mum and you from Italy!! Thanks for all your bright lovely and sweet tips and ideas! silvana

[margaret anderson]

love you Lucy xxx

[Erica]

Seriously, "Helen" can go jump in a lake. You're a grown woman with a family of your own, capable of making the right decisions for your family and your own emotional well-being. No one needs to preach to you about what you SHOULD or shouldn't do with your mum, not being in your shoes. With love from the U.S.

[Noni]

Hi, Lucy--

I'm so sad to hear how painful things have been for you. They say to "roll with the punches", but that doesn't really work when they're coming so fast you can't get your feet under you.

I had to sever contact with my parents (and siblings, and grandparents) several years ago. The abuse I suffered at the hands of my mother is beyond words and the rest of the adults in my life turned a blind eye to it. I will never see them or be involved in their lives again for my own sanity.

I imagine--with the relationship you've described with your Mom--that you're doing the best you are emotionally able. And that is perfectly okay. It is your job to protect your own emotional well being so you can protect your Little People. If that means maintaining some kind of geographical or emotional distance that is okay! We cannot be expected to forget grievous wrongs inflicted on us when we were children.

Anyway, Lucy. Chin up. There are more people in your corner than there are strangers getting their digs in. :0)

[Chandra]

Dear Lucy,

I'm sorry you've been criticized and I know you're an empathetic, compassionate and sensitive soul - so it hurts all the more. I want to reiterate - as someone with a difficult past with very difficult childhood - that you don't actually own anyone anything. Unless the person is a child who cannot care for him/herself, you do not owe anyone anything. We can't spare others the consequences of their actions, and you're not duty-bound to try to do that or to jump when someone plays the guilt-card on you. Yes, it feels like you have to - many of us people-pleasers were groomed to be exactly that way. I just want to offer an alternative thought - that your duty is always always to yourself (something we women never hear). If we cannot care for ourselves and meet our own needs, how can we possibly think we're qualified to meet the needs of others? If the well is dry then no one gets any water.

Please make sure your well is full for your own sake - like the oxygen masks on planes, right? If you don't put your own on first you absolutely cannot ever help anyone else. It's not selfish. It's basic human dignity - which you deserve richly. You're not anyone's scapegoat or doormat. Your conflicted feelings are probably more "normal" than you might realize. There's an amazing website called "emerging from broken" written by a woman who had a fraught childhood (and adulthood) with her mother/parents and how she went on to heal and validate herself. You are wonderful and you're a wonderful mother - I know this is something you've made a deliberate priority. I just want to remind you to care for you and be gentle with yourself. You are valuable, worthy, loved, talented, and a deeply good person. xxx

[Rebekah Fuller]

Hi Lucy, so sorry to hear about your Mum. I've only just come across your blog and work in the past few months and try and have a look at least once a day (when the little one gives me 5 minutes to myself). You're an inspiration to so many, keep up the good work.
Keep smiling :)
Rebekah
x

[Donna J. Capps]

((((hugs))))) I'll be praying for you and your mama. (((more hugs)))) you need extra I think.

[Penny Prosser]

I agree with PixieMum above. People should not criticise when they don't have all the facts or truly understand your situation.

Take care of yourself Lucy.

Sending Love, Light and Peace to you and yours.

Penny x

[PixieMum]

I feel a little annoyed at people who have criticised your attendance at Alexandra Palace.

I think it was a good thing to step aside from your worries, London is possible in a day trip whereas Dorset is a darn sight further; your Mother may appreciate hearing about it and may be comforted that life is gong along as normal even if it isn't really.

It is not long till half term, you have a young family to consider too, you know what is best for yourself and can take comfort from the majority of supportive greetings here.

[Molly]

Make time for your ill mum before blogging shopping at craft shows & crochet, surley your dear mum is more important to you than that? You need to prioritize what/who is most important to you,why not plan a trip to Dorset to spending caring time with your mum, im sure she would be overjoyed at the thought.Im sure you will also feel better too having helped her.

[Jeanie]

Hoping there is a light at the end of the dark tunnel. Sending good thoughts!!! XO

[joukje cupido]

sorry to here about your mother.Hope she "ll be better soon.
Seeing the pictures it reminds me at Skipton.I have been in Skipton last year to pay a visit.
Our daughter lives in Otley and I (my husband and me)live in the Netherlands on the beaytiful island of Terschelling.So that is not so close to her.
England is such a beautiful country.Be proud of it!!
Take care, I love your site.
joukje cupido, terschelling

[Gillian]

Sorry to hear that your mum isn't well and I hope you can get to see her very soon. Having such a big distance between you makes things seem even worse. I know it probably sounds strange to people who don't crochet (or knit) but crocheting really does help when you're feeling down.

[Catriona]

Kind thoughts for your whole family Lucy at this very worrying time. Autumn can be a sad time with the shorter, less light days and all the other things happening to you just now are making life seem very sad. Take care of yourself and your loved ones in the best way for you and for them-please do not feel you need to explain how you manage your life, and ignore the negative and thoughtless messages that are creeping into the comments. The people who matter will help and support you-keep strong and accept help where it's offered. Hope you can see your Mum soon. Love and kindness to you.