Not There Yet

I am drifting gently through my Adjustment Phase, allowing myself to go with the flow and trying not to be too impatient when things don't feel quite right. I am finding that after weeks and weeks of hustle and bustle on the home front, I am finding the quiet and solitude surprisingly tricky to feel at ease with.

I have experienced periods of my life where I have lived in quite a solitary way and yet I have very rarely suffered from loneliness. I guess it just comes down to what you get used to. This morning I had a list of tasks that I knew I had to come home and attend to. In my mind, I was quite looking forward to coming home, putting the coffee machine on and sitting quietly at my desk to write emails and catch up on a bit of admin without any interruptions.

And yet whilst walking homewards I suddenly realised that I wasn't ready to face an empty house. So I went with the flow and took the long walk home from the market by way of a little diversion. A short scenic detour along the canal, through a bit of dappled woodland, behind the castle and along the leafy green lane....

....emerging at the top of this hill with it's pretty view. It's been a gorgeous day, mild and sunshiney, with the unmistakable whiff of early Autumn in the air.

When I got home I made fresh coffee, then grabbed a plastic bowl and went up the street to pick blackberries. I didn't pick many, just the ones that were hanging low over the pavement, enough to put with a tangy green apple.

Yes, I bought one solitary Bramley Apple from the market today, enough to add to the blackberries to make a simple fruit stew. Ooooo-mmmmm, it was so delicious! We ate it after dinner tonight, warm from the pan and a beautifully deep purple colour, spilling over a lump of vanilla ice cream.

Late morning and I had finished most of my computer work, so off to the studio I went. I am so so so lucky to have this room to go to, I appreciate it more than I am able to put into words.

I worked on one of my giant mandala-dream catcher decorations for Yarndale.  After many false starts (and bad words interspersed with caffeine), I think I've finally worked out a neat way to crochet this thing around the plastic hoop. If it works, I'll be happy. And I'll share my method with you, cos you never know when you might wish to create a giant dream catcher of your very own.

I'm hoping that by next week I might find the pattern of my days comes a little more naturally, and I'm looking forward to it. I'm not there yet, but almost.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Comments

[tracy]

Dear Lucy

I love 'coming' here, seeing your beautiful pictures and reading about your deep love for your home and family.

I only discovered crochet in 2011 when in a pretty 'bad place', and it has given me thousands of hours of support.

Thank you for sharing your ideas and pleasure, so freely.

[JOY]

I enJOYed taking a peak into your day. Somewhat similar to mine. I live on a creek and have a sewing nest upstairs.

[Dorien Hannah]

Yes I would most definitely want to make a mandala crochet dreamcatcher of my own! :)
Wonderful!

[Mary]

Thank you for such wonderful blogs. I too am going through the emotions of my only child going to college some 70 miles away. When I left him, I felt like I was abandoning him. He was fine - looking forward to making new friends, starting his course. Every Mum goes through this and it really brought home to me how my own Mother must have felt when I left home (but of course you don't realise that at the time). You are an inspiration on how to take joy in the moment. I just have go think once a Mum, always a Mum - nothing can change that.
Love Mary

[Debbie Longville]

I do so empathise, I remember it so well. The little people cope so much better than we do, I think. Today, we attended our youngest's graduation ceremony, and as she celebrates, I'm feeling emotional as she leaves the 'security' of full time education to make her own way in the world. And she's not even moving back home for us to protect her. Having to say goodbye and leave her is one of the hardest things. Good luck, and enjoy each stage for the pluses that they bring.

Sending hugs (and giving myself one too!)
Xxx

[Patti]

Lucy, I LOve my visit here to the attic... my therapy for the day...
I was wondering if you have or can help me find where those darling little scalloped valances with the hanging circles, in your Studio, can be found??!! I JUst LOve them... and would love to make them for my windows... Thank you for any help... (:
my email is below, Patti

[Janet]

I began working part-time when my youngest started nursery, so when he was off to Kindergarten (at age 5 here) FULL time, I just increased my work hours. It never seemed to "work". I think I was always meant to be a stay-at-home-mom. My most devastating and significant change was when my oldest went to school full-time. I cried buckets that day, and the day his younger sister started as well. I was still at home all the time. Our family is much like yours, with our own Litttle Man, Little Lady, and Little B. It wasn't as big an adjustment with the last as it was the first 2 -probably because I was working some - and had something else that "needed" my attention. Unfortunately, shortly after my littlest one (OUR Little B) began school full time, my back began to give me fits, and I've needed a lot of time in bed - which ruined my lovely part-time job I had. That was 3 years ago. Surgery #3, coming right up! (But what would I do without my crochet?!) My "baby" is 9 now - just started the 4th grade - and is terrified of storms. So, here he is, snoring right along with his Daddy, next to me, as I write this and fight a little insomnia. My point is - they will always be your babies. They will always need you - just in different ways (I don't miss the diapers, I must admit). It will get better - and you will come to embrace the quiet. Oh! One more thing: your photos of your attic-view are scrumptious!! To live where you live!! But cotton season is upon us here in Missouri, USA - I'll have to post a picture to share! It's quite a sight if you haven't ever seen it! Til then, much love xo

[Lilibet]

Get yourself busy in your hooky stuff and before you know it, it will be time to pick up your little one. For me, it's nice to be at a stage where my little lady comes running out of the class with a smile on her face and artwork in hand. I know that she has had a good day and I've been able to get on with my crafty stuff.

[Linda Brown]

You will adjust, my youngest is now. 34 and I still miss our meandering walks home from the village school and all our strange and wonderful 'conversations', they were the best of times and now I get to do it again with my grandchildren occasionally which is even more precious. It's just the beginning of the next phase.

[Kate]

I have the house to myself for days on end for most of the week- one year on and still not used to it- though when family return it is great, I do find myself getting territorial about 'my' routine/way of being,which is absurd as after a few days of being on my own I usually start to just loose my self discipline and wait impatiently for them to come back!

[Kimmy]

Lucy, I enjoy looking in on your world so much. (I think I was British in my previous life. I love all things English so much.) You always manage to find the best in every situation, so I know your transition into peaceful days will be filled with productivity and pleasure. BTW, several years ago we planted a Bramley's Seedling tree in the backyard, so I'm already enjoying (tremendously) some of these delicious, tart apples. Mostly I just eat them plain and chilled out of the frig, but I've read that Bramley's are the best for applesauce and baking. My Bramley's tree is growing in San Mateo, California, and quite happy there. Like I said, I LOVE all things British! Your crochet work is gorgeous. Hugs, Kimmy

[Kath]

Lucy, you've done a great job with your little ones. Be proud of them and yourself. You'll soon find a new rhythm to your days and the time with your family will become even more special. Enjoy the "me" time. I retired a few weeks ago and am still getting used to having the days for me. Enjoy the discovery! Thanks for all the inspiration and happiness you share.

[Marcelle Kemp]

Hello Lucy. I remember that feeling too when my youngest started at primary school. At that point in time, I didn't have crochet in my life so I did something a little drastic...I went to school with them! Then they left and I'm still there, ten years later! You'll be fine and soon you'll fill that time really quickly. I love your blog (by the way) and check in with you every day - it's one of my highlights!

[Gillian]

Things change - before long they'll all be off school again and at home.

[Susan Conklin]

An adult friend, soon to retire, is in a work-related class this week. I told her to "have a good day at school" this morning, thinking about how many years it's been since I've said that - my youngest is now 32. Then I saw the comment from the lady whose grandson is 32. Patterns....

[gina in al]

The scarlet vines tipping over the chimney of the white house in your fourth picture are so simply gorgeous. It says Autumn to me! even here I can feel it coming although its still quite hot during the day. Autumn is such a short time (only around three months until Christmas!) I am looking forward to your pics and posts of the changing season. Thinking about starting a granny stripe blanket, I am going to make the tutorial piece and see if I love the pattern. Thanks much for the instructions!

[psmflowerlady/tammy]

I've worked throughout my children's lives, so I've not experienced a complete empty day ahead of me. My youngest recently left for college though and for the first time in 25 years (I'm divorced), I truly live alone. Rather disconcerting and I can empathize with your unease. I'm finding that without an externally driven schedule, I find myself "wandering". I personally think I will benefit from some structure - perhaps setting up a little schedule would help you as well? Cyberhugs.

[Sally]

Hi Lucy would like to let you know how much I enjoy your blog. I found your blog while on a period of long term sickness. You inspired me to learn to crochet and I have now made three blankets. I am about to learn the ripple blanket having bought the pack. Your blog has helped me get through a difficult time. Thank you

[Hannelie du Toit, Cape Town]

O yes, I guess that is life! Looking forward to a next stage to find that the previous one was actually the one we were very comfortable in - but after a while the new one becomes even better....
Thanks for sharing your super-inspiring projects - I've just started my first ripple blanket (inspired by your Ripple Blanket #2), and I'm enjoying every magic crochet moment! I am using Vinnis Colours Nikkim (100% SA cotton with a 4mm hook) - mainly for the wide range of lovely colours, and it is lovely to work with!

[Catherine Madge]

This time of year many people are going through a transitional stage, including me, so take the time to reflect on what you have achieved, and are going to achieve in the future, reflected in the beautiful summer/autumn around you. I find learning new skills helps, and re-kindling older, forgotten ones too. Thanks partly to your blog I am producing a beautiful cushion cover in the most glorious colours, when I thought I had nothing further to offer! Time is a great healer, take it day by day, and search out people to talk with. PS Made blackberry jam too!

[Marie Farenc]

Sending big hugs, Lucy. You WILL get there :) Thank you for sharing xxx

[Thoeria]

Ah Lucy....you are so lucky to live in such a beautiful and idyllic setting....
Take time to adjust and before you know it you'll find yourself enjoying the moments of silence before school comes out :)

[Anne]

In German we call this an "empty nest symptom" - I keep my fingers crossed it will get easier soon.

Good thing you got your studio to go too! It seems like a little paradise!

Take care
Anne
http://crochetbetweentwoworlds.blogspot.de

[Ellice McLaren]

I just loved your little walk - so quaint. How wonderful to have the studio to come home to. You do such amazing work, I find I put on some of my music as I do my crafty bits, adds to the pleasure of the quite times. I imagine you are very busy getting ready for Yarndale.

[Kathy Stewart]

I found the "me" time when the kids started grade school to be a blessed relief. It was a little harder when they left the house for college but you know what -,they eventually return and bring a full new life with them. It is very gratifying to know that you have done your job in letting them leave and making it welcoming for them to return