Juggling These Days

I've had a pretty good day today. Nothing fantastically fabulous, just one of those quiet, thoughtful, pottering kind of days where things have felt unusually calm. In recent days, weeks, months, I confess I've felt like I've not been coping very well. This is quite the Confession! I try not to show it to anyone (and I don't even admit it to myself very often), yet some days I honestly do think that the constant juggling act of life with young children is near impossible to keep up. There is never enough time or energy to keep all the balls in the air.

Today I had a bit of an epiphany. I saw my juggling balls tumble to the ground, and I chose to only pick up the ones that were absolutely essential to the present moment in time. Leave the others. It's ok. It's ok if sometimes life feels messy, if there are jobs and emails and stuff that has to wait. It's ok if it all seems like a complete shambles.

So today, the juggling balls suddenly became simple.

Clean clothes, good home cooked food, and attentive mothering. Forget the rest for now. Let it be.

So I pegged clean laundry out on the line and loved looking at my assortment of thrifted clothes. I loved seeing my rosy summer pyjamas. I loved that Little B had a handful of pegs and pegged them to the bottom of things.

I gazed at my forlorn back yard, oh it's such a mess. It looks so shabby. Mid June, and my pots are still full of dead things and weeds. Sigh. I feel so guilty for not having time to see to it out here, but today, I tried hard to knock the guilt back and let it be.

Yes, it's a mess, and no, there is nothing much growing out here yet. But I am being an Attentive Mother and Little B is having fun out here. He doesn't care if there are flowers or weeds. I fill that big pink trug with warm water and he is happy filling up an old water pistol and squirting my plants.

He finds a snail, and squirts that too.

We have a discussion about snails, about where they live, what they eat, whether they like water.

So many questions, so much wonderful, happy curiosity and fascination with the world.

Whilst Little B is pottering in the back yard, I see to Food. I put butchers sausages in the oven to cook, and I prepare a tray of vegetables to roast with garlic, rosemary and olive oil. Trying to keep one step ahead, trying to ensure that my after-school time is a little less frantic.

Little B has now moved to the front garden. Our street is very quiet during the day, but at 3 years old I don't feel happy about him being out there on his own just yet. So I make coffee and go and sit on the step next to the gorgeously frothy green Alchemilla to watch over him.

My heart sinks again as I take in the sad state of our front patch. Overgrown borders....

....and dismal hanging baskets. I try and think when I might possibly have the time to do some gardening. When? I really don't know. Re-focus. Leave that for now. Attentive Mothering, remember.

I fetch a blanket and cushions and settle down for some chatter with my Little B. He loves to talk. He has some funny obsessions at the moment :: numbers of any sort, CCTV cameras, Fire Exit signs. Well signs in general actually, he is always wanting to know what signs say and what they mean. And the latest thing :: the Human Body. We went to the library on Friday specifically to find a book about the Human Body so that I could try to help answer his constant questions. We look at this book about fifty times a day.

My mind wanders slightly and I start fretting about my garden again. I need to get flowers. How? Where from? How will I carry them home? Bags? Boxes? When can I possibly squeeeeeze plant-buying into my day?

I remember I have some sweet pea seedlings growing in the kitchen, so I go to water them and check on them as they are the only attempt I have made this year to garden. They look ok, but they are a bit small. I wonder briefly whether to declare 2013 the year of No Plants and brazen it out.

Back inside and I am wandering around, waiting for food to finish cooking, keeping a watchful eye on Little B. He is talking to the guinea pigs. I look around me. Everything feels drab and messy and uncared for. I am fretting again. I am trying to pick up those juggling balls again.

So I force myself to let it be. It's ok. Our home is ok.

It's very messy and a tad chaotic, and there are far too many objects in it, but the Little People are happy and that's the most important thing. It's a happy house, relaxed and colourful.

My in-tray is spilling over, full of things that need my attention. But there just isn't enough time in the day to start on that. It'll all have to wait.

I wish some days I could do what Little B does and just settle on the sofa under a blanket, close my eyes and drift off to sleep. Give in to the tiredness. Wouldn't that be something?

x

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Susan van Lierop]

Very recognizable. :) I just keep this motto in my head: "Our house is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy!"
That usually does the trick!
Wishing the best for you and your loved ones,
Susan

[Caroline]

Dear Lucy - there is no such thing as the perfect mother/wife/daughter/sister/friend and we don't often hear about men worrying if they are getting the balance right - we just need to be good enough. It strikes me that you are certainly that, if not more, from what we see. Anyway, perfection would be a less than perfect example for your children as it would give them impossible footsteps to follow, and set them up to fail. Live for the moment, and make the most of what you have when you have it - my little people are now 19, 20 and 22 and whilst physically less tiring, you just swap one set of issues for another, and there are days when I yearn for those early years. Be kind to yourself - you're doing fine.

[Kathy, FRANCE]

Oh Lucy I don't know if you'll get time to read all these lovely encouraging comments but I have read the last page and they've certainly made me feel better!!!!lol!
Like you said your children have a lovely, happy home and you do loads of stuff with them so I think you're doing OK! my youngest is 15 and at school all day and I don't achieve half the amount you do!
As for the outside pots - don't they quickly revert to nature?? BUT nature is what the butterflies and bees prefer so instead of feeling beaten just re-name it a 'nature garden'!!
If it makes you feel any better the weather here in France is just awful - heavy, claggy and raining!!

[Elizabeth]

I know, I know. It's hard. It feels so good to see that someone else has exactly the same thoughts marching through their head. No matter how much you know what your priorities are, it is hard to let the other stuff go! Thank you so much for sharing this part of you today! I wish we could sit on you front steps watching Little B and share that coffee together :-)

[Patricia]

hello Lucy, why not make a list and assess by when things need to be done Nd what won't be done. That will help give you perspective and reorder all those things that are going around in your head. Identify what element is weighing your motivation down. Are you trying to be perfect ? Try no longer because you are already perfect in whatever you do ! I believe you will be having building work going on in your home, plus the setting up of the studio, plus yarndale: that's a lot for anyone ! Is your husband aware of your low spirits ? can he go out and buy the plants? Have you asked him?

[Happybristolian]

Dear Lucy,
I think that all mums feel this way. There ( for me) seems to be an unspoken presure that everything is perfect and it cannot be.
I took time to play when my daughter was younger, tea parties, barbies, shops, colouring etc. With my boys lego, stickle bricks, even mud pies( i hate having dirt on my hands). Sadly i don't live in a english spoken land, my mothering skills were questioned, and i was made to feel insecure because my home was not perfect,but before i go to deep.
I kept with my beliefs children come first, we choose to have them.
Now their older it is easier, i actually have learned from you to crochet ( thankyou ).
Having a house that looks like a doctors surgury is not important.
This time will be over quickly, you know this already, so chin up, stop scoulding yourself, and have that cuddle on the sofa with Little B.

On another note for gardening, we brought friut vines. They survive the winters, grow really easy. We have grapes, gooseberries, blackberries, they are green and you can eat them. Only a little pruning. And they come back year after year.

Tomorrow is another day. Enjoy them one at a time :-)
With kind regards
Sarah.

[Alexandrea]

Beautiful words. I have to remind myself of these things on a daily basis, to focus on what *really* needs to be focused on. It can get hard when there is so much awesome stuff you want to do, but some days you just won't ever get to it. And that's okay. One day you might, and if not, it wasn't meant to be for the time being. :)

[Mary]

Hi Lucy. I am new to your blog and I LOVE LOVE it!! For a while I though you were superwoman. Sorry to hear you are feeling low but I am happy to hear you are normal. One word of advice that has helped me this year....ACCEPTANCE!!!!!! Mary. x

[Marsha]

If you have found it too difficult to plant flowers this year (I have as well) - crochet some.

[Lisa]

Looking after pots is so time consuming and expensive. I have recently moved into a house in Devon with lots of large pots and I have removed them as we are on a water meter and the water bills in Devon are horrendous!! Once the water butt is empty that's it no more watering for us. You could have a 'Provence' corner with a couple of geraniums and a lavender and leave the rest of the space for the children!

[Ali Dufty]

So many posts, so many wise words !So many people relating ( including moi!)
It's so easy for us all to get swamped with everyday doings .Sounds like you've got your priorities in order though.All that creative energy is wasted on housework anyway!!!!
Although I do hope you manage to get hold of some flowers/ plants soon!!!.So many of your posts include mentions , so they clearly have a happy effect on you :)
Remember to enjoy those 'little things'.....
Ali

[Adaliza]

Chill out, girl. Life's too short. Our home is a muddle and our 3 have grown up and moved out (sort of). We have a huge garden - full of weeds, a few yards of muddy kitchen floor - thanks to the dogs; a list of stuff to sort out - very long list - but when my husband almost died in his sleep 3 years ago, I took a whole new look at life. This summer is my last as a full-time teacher and I haven't been in work for months 'cos I nearly 'stopped' too. Perfect homes and families are for advertisements - it's a dream that they're selling. Life with kids (and I had 3 under 4) is always in turmoil but I stopped worrying about every little thing and found that if you left it for a few days it probably went away. If it didn't then I'd worry! Our kids are happy & healthy and out there making their own messy lives and learning lots along the way. That's life - chill out and enjoy it - don't try to do too much!

[deanne]

omgoodness i feel like i just read about myself! tomorrow is another day and we will fret some more, its who we are, its good to see i'm kind of not the only one xx big hugs xx

[Sara]

So many posts, I suspect all saying the same thing. It's ok to be just ok. For a start there is no one judging you but you. Your kids are healthy and happy, your fella is ok with the status quo, your home is cosy, warm hearted and loved. You and little B many never bother to wonder at a snail again .. what a precious memory. None of them will ever remember the day that Mummy didn't tidy up but they will all remember being loved. Easy up Lucy and remember to love yourself too. We all think you are fab!

[Libby from the U.S. Midwest]

Ah, yes - the juggling balls. So well put, Lucy. As others have commented, we creative, artistic sorts can also be blessed/cursed with little gremlins on our shoulders. They comment on everything we don't do, what we do wrong or half-arsed, what we set aside for later. Homes become long to-do lists that never end. The only time you get a break is to leave home for a day or a week. You did well to knock those gremlins off your shoulders for the day!

[ramthuntm11]

I think your house is beautiful...it looks very happy the way it is...no worries...one day those little peops will be all grown and gone and then you'll have time...to do whatever you want...in whatever order...that's where I'm finally at and it's wonderful(after you get it straight in your head that being over 50 is going to be ok) Take care and remember...this too shall pass:-)

[jane]

Thank you for todays post. It's helped me not to feel so rubbish about how I cope with family/house/health today. Much appreciated.x

[Anna-Marie Field]

Hi Lucy,A happy child makes for a contented Mom!!!And everything else must just wait!!!But be kind to yourself as well!!!You need to make some special time for yourself and treat yourself!!!A really nice bubble bath!!!A kids free afternoon with your girly friends!!!I know it's easier said than done,isn't it?!!But it might be more important than you realize!!!Hope you have a great weekend!!!
Love
AMarie

[Sandy]

If it is any comfort to you at all, just know that you are not alone in this venture we call "life". There will be days after your children are all grown and out of the nest that you will wonder how in the world will you fill up all the hours in the day. Just sit back for now, breathe deeply, and enjoy the moment.

[Claire]

Nobody's tombstone ever read "she had the cleanest house in the land!"
A bit of mess is normal for most of us, or even a lot of mess on some occasions.
Your house looks lovely and cosy and you are doing the most important job in the world by staying at home to nurture your little one.
Keep your chin up and keep the colour coming. It is very uplifting for those of us who have plenty of dull looking mess!
Claire xx

[Jill]

When the kids are grown; are they going to remember that the garden didn't look perfect or that you opened that anatomy book 50 times that day in June? Carry on!!!

[Maria C]

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

Carve out your 15 minute blocks to tackle one bit of this or that, enjoy your time and let it all go. You'll be surprised at what you can achieve in just little bites

[Jennifer]

My kids are now 18, 15, and 12. You have TOTALLY made the right choices on this juggling day! I wish I had had the wisdom to make the same sort of choices when mine were little, and even now. Thanks for sharing! You are encouraging me to make the best choices at this time of my life.

[Maria]

Dear Lucy, in life there are days even so, that is not really ok that sometimes seem endless, but I guarantee you that then there's also the ok and then we feel so full to forget the others!
The important thing for me is to learn to accept each other and since they are the two sides of the same coin is not it?

[Anglesey Ann]

Just take each day as it comes , do what you can and leave the rest. tomorrow is untouched territory. Give yourself some time and enjoy your children, the time will pass so quickly. Better to be a loving attentive mother than a driven housewife. There will be more time for household matters when the little one goes to school.Love yourself a little you are doing a super job. Anglesey Ann