Juggling These Days

I've had a pretty good day today. Nothing fantastically fabulous, just one of those quiet, thoughtful, pottering kind of days where things have felt unusually calm. In recent days, weeks, months, I confess I've felt like I've not been coping very well. This is quite the Confession! I try not to show it to anyone (and I don't even admit it to myself very often), yet some days I honestly do think that the constant juggling act of life with young children is near impossible to keep up. There is never enough time or energy to keep all the balls in the air.

Today I had a bit of an epiphany. I saw my juggling balls tumble to the ground, and I chose to only pick up the ones that were absolutely essential to the present moment in time. Leave the others. It's ok. It's ok if sometimes life feels messy, if there are jobs and emails and stuff that has to wait. It's ok if it all seems like a complete shambles.

So today, the juggling balls suddenly became simple.

Clean clothes, good home cooked food, and attentive mothering. Forget the rest for now. Let it be.

So I pegged clean laundry out on the line and loved looking at my assortment of thrifted clothes. I loved seeing my rosy summer pyjamas. I loved that Little B had a handful of pegs and pegged them to the bottom of things.

I gazed at my forlorn back yard, oh it's such a mess. It looks so shabby. Mid June, and my pots are still full of dead things and weeds. Sigh. I feel so guilty for not having time to see to it out here, but today, I tried hard to knock the guilt back and let it be.

Yes, it's a mess, and no, there is nothing much growing out here yet. But I am being an Attentive Mother and Little B is having fun out here. He doesn't care if there are flowers or weeds. I fill that big pink trug with warm water and he is happy filling up an old water pistol and squirting my plants.

He finds a snail, and squirts that too.

We have a discussion about snails, about where they live, what they eat, whether they like water.

So many questions, so much wonderful, happy curiosity and fascination with the world.

Whilst Little B is pottering in the back yard, I see to Food. I put butchers sausages in the oven to cook, and I prepare a tray of vegetables to roast with garlic, rosemary and olive oil. Trying to keep one step ahead, trying to ensure that my after-school time is a little less frantic.

Little B has now moved to the front garden. Our street is very quiet during the day, but at 3 years old I don't feel happy about him being out there on his own just yet. So I make coffee and go and sit on the step next to the gorgeously frothy green Alchemilla to watch over him.

My heart sinks again as I take in the sad state of our front patch. Overgrown borders....

....and dismal hanging baskets. I try and think when I might possibly have the time to do some gardening. When? I really don't know. Re-focus. Leave that for now. Attentive Mothering, remember.

I fetch a blanket and cushions and settle down for some chatter with my Little B. He loves to talk. He has some funny obsessions at the moment :: numbers of any sort, CCTV cameras, Fire Exit signs. Well signs in general actually, he is always wanting to know what signs say and what they mean. And the latest thing :: the Human Body. We went to the library on Friday specifically to find a book about the Human Body so that I could try to help answer his constant questions. We look at this book about fifty times a day.

My mind wanders slightly and I start fretting about my garden again. I need to get flowers. How? Where from? How will I carry them home? Bags? Boxes? When can I possibly squeeeeeze plant-buying into my day?

I remember I have some sweet pea seedlings growing in the kitchen, so I go to water them and check on them as they are the only attempt I have made this year to garden. They look ok, but they are a bit small. I wonder briefly whether to declare 2013 the year of No Plants and brazen it out.

Back inside and I am wandering around, waiting for food to finish cooking, keeping a watchful eye on Little B. He is talking to the guinea pigs. I look around me. Everything feels drab and messy and uncared for. I am fretting again. I am trying to pick up those juggling balls again.

So I force myself to let it be. It's ok. Our home is ok.

It's very messy and a tad chaotic, and there are far too many objects in it, but the Little People are happy and that's the most important thing. It's a happy house, relaxed and colourful.

My in-tray is spilling over, full of things that need my attention. But there just isn't enough time in the day to start on that. It'll all have to wait.

I wish some days I could do what Little B does and just settle on the sofa under a blanket, close my eyes and drift off to sleep. Give in to the tiredness. Wouldn't that be something?

x

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Fiona]

Oh Lucy, I'm sure all us parents go threw what you're feeling now, I know i've had a rough day today, my little people know exactly what buttons to press and I try, try, try to be patient with them but it is hard. I have come to the conclusion, after many months of fretting, that my house is always going to look cluttered and unkempt with 4 little ones running around and after a long, long, crying, whiny chat with hubby I know it doesn't matter, the kids are loved & happy, they are clean, fed and enjoying life..... My house isn't dirty just lived in, as long as I can keep on top of the everyday things, washing general tidying etc I feel I am doing ok lol... I would much rather be playing with them than washing the walls/ceilings/windows lol.... I think when we have such busy lives it just gets to us sometimes, I hope you have a fun filled sunny tomorrow and you're finger heals quick, I would hate to not to be able to crochet.
Sending hugs xx

[Karen]

Can certainly relate to that. Appreciating your honesty.

[Rachel Burnell]

I hope my children will look back on today
And see a mother who had time to play.
There are years to come for cooking and cleaning
But children grow while were not looking.
Dusting and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
For babies grow fast we learn to our sorrow.
So quite down cobwebs, dust go to sleep,
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep.

Your post reminded me of this poem, it is a constant balancing/juggling act.... But when we are old and grey we won't remember the summer of no plants we will however remember precious moments spent with family

[Lisa Wallace]

WOW! How is it that you seem to write what is on my mind. I too feel like I am constantly having to juggle everything: working part time, tidying house, cooking, mothering...the list could go on. And not only juggle things but I always feel like I have to do everything perfectly. It is a massive battle! Like you sometimes things have to be put at the bottom of list so you can just focus on doing the basics and try and enjoy the 'small pleasures in life'. it is hard.
So Thank you for sharing your deepest thoughts. It is so nice to hear others who feel the same.
Remember to breath and it will become easy and balanced again.
Big hugs,
Lisa

[Kate]

I have cut flowers out of fruit shoot bottles this year! Leave the top on, cut round the base and then cut up into the body of the bottle. Does that make sense? Very quick, VERY colourful! xx

[Dotty]

I go through this so often myself, but do you know what- years from now you will not regret not having kept all those balls flying in the air! You will remember the beauty of their little hands exploring in the garden and the conversations with the guinea pig and the children will be thankful for you spending time to listen to them. Motherhood and homemaking can be overwhelming, but I am trying to be more mindful of each moment as it is- no judging. Your home IS a home, full of love, colour and things that are meaningful to your whole family- that's what counts xx

[Nicole]

I think Little B sort of has the right idea by curling under a blanket & sleeping. However...

I reckon what you need in your yard is low maintenance planting that will give you some colour but without the hassle; between mothering, crocheting, blogging, doing your studio (and Yarddale at the minute!) it's clear you don't have hours to spend gardening.

Seeds are a lot of work unless you go for simple stuff like sweet peas & nasturtiums. I've got a lot of evergreen plants on my balcony, it does get full sun & I'm not sure what your yard's like but here's what I have that is really (I mean really!) easy to care for

- Bamboo - great in those trugs and make lovely swishing sounds in the wind
- Grasses - just a but of watering and they're green all year round
- succulents / alpines - some get cute little flowers but again they need hardly any watering and they love little cracks in walls which you might have in your brickwork?
- Rosemary - I've not killed mine yet & it's great on roasties :)
- Acers / Maples - mine seems happy in a pot, if you get red it's a nice change from green
- Fucias - hardy ones are the best

These ones are all easy to care for, and live all year round, I just get a couple of plants from nurserys for some colour :) So what we need now it to send the kids off somewhere for a day so you & J can crack on ;)

[Becky]

Snuggle up on the sofa and go to sleep yourself tomorrow afternoon - why not!?!

[Kim Axten]

Hi,
Can see where you are coming from. You know what you need to do, and what balls you need to drop- let them go .Family and Home always first.
take care xx

[curvywitch]

Hi Lucy, please don't feel guilty. I think everyone feels like this at some time and it sounds like you've got your priorities right; I'm sure your kids will remember the love and attention rather than any possible 'chaos'. As others have said, there'll always be housework. I don't have the massive demands of children but I know I feel overwhelmed sometimes; so I can't imagine how crazy things might seem for you - especially as you're organising Yarndale as well.
So grab a glass of wine, sit down and chill; safe in the knowledge that the important things have safely landed on soft piles of crochet. xx

[Charlotte]

Lucy, I read your post and was touched. I read all the comments and sobbed. I needed to hear those too today and I can imagine you might be feeling overwhelmed by such kindness and support. You may not have grown a garden, but you’ve grown an amazing supportive community online as well as your own family. It sounds like no-one can keep up the perfect image, I wonder why we still believe in it? Let’s live how we want to, how we can. Someone reminded me the other day that ‘the only people who have finished everything are dead...’ It’s a good thing to remember. Look after yourself Lucy.
PS If you had fresh plants in the yard, the snail would just be eating them!

[Louise]

Love, love, love that you posted this! So often blogs only show the best parts of the house and make us all feel inadequate. All mothers can relate to . trying to juggle all those balls. Your home is so incredibly cozy, and I guarantee you that your sweet children are totally oblivious to the lack of plants in the garden. Go have fun with your beautiful children!

[Joanne from Colorado]

On one hand you have so much to manage and take care of and you're trying to do it all to a high standard. That can be very challenging and overwhelming. On the other hand, you're getting to nurture your creativity and do something for yourself that you love. When my girls were little I only had energy for them - and still had too many expectations. I applaud you for trying to take it all on. There are so many wonderful opportunities out there and we want to take advantage of them. Keep nurturing yourself and hide under one of those gorgeous blankets every once in awhile. You're doing a spectacular job. :)

[Taylor]

Your studio looks good by the way. Way to organize! I also love those little wheels you crocheted! It would be a great life if we could all go back to being three wouldn't it? Nothing to worry about except playing and whatever the lastest obssesion is. I'm sure you will find some balance and a way to juggle all that has to be done...believe me I understand. Life just sometimes throws a curve ball and you arn't sure how to juggle it all. Great post again as always. Hope your finger heals!

[Jeanette]

There are days I wish I didn't have interests outside of being a home maker and a mother. I'm convinced it will all be so much easier if I just concentrated on keeping home running smoothly and tending to the children, but I can't, and so, like you I juggle and I stress. Like you, I also have days where I prioritise, but those other projects come calling. I wonder if our mother's and our grandmother's had these concerns, or is this a modern day, modern (creative or not) woman thing?
Clearly I'm not alone in striving to be *everything* I can be/could be.

[Sandra (Cherry Heart)]

Oh how I relate to this right now! You're doing the right thing though I think, focus on the important stuff, everything else can wait a while. We can't do it all, all the time. You're certainly not alone in that! :)

S x

[Joy]

We all love you Lucy just the way you are xx Joy xx

[Bridget]

Hi Lucy, I only learnt to crochet this year and discovered you and your fabulous blog.... I'm in my forties but dont have any of what you have, but I grew up in a normal but untidy house and me and my late mum (both very creative ladies!) use to say "Boring people have immaculate homes" and we also had a welcoming sign on front door which said it all really.."Come in, sit down and converse, our house doesnt always look like this, sometimes its worse!" ;-) I have nice/fun memories to cherish and thats what you are doing for your family. I really hope you read and absorb all the wonderfully supportive comments posted. Make yourself smile with the thought of 100's of Attic24 supporters turning up at your house to help out. "Get the kettle on Lucy"! Bridget

[jack8878]

All this will pass, and your garden will blossom again. Just maybe not until you and it are ready. I think most of us have had these times. x

[Bonnie]

Thank you so much for writing this. Sometimes I look at blogs and wonder how people always have good days, always have a tidy house, always seem to be doing everything right. It's so helpful to read that it's hard for everyone, and we all just do the best we can. That is enough.

[laurak]

perhaps this will help- and maybe it wont- but when I am overwhelmed I get to one basic rule- the needs go before the wants- sometimes one of the kids needs lunch or a nap, and i want to go to the store- they get they get taken care of. sometimes I need 5 minutes peace and they want to play. the need for peace prevails and I get what I need.. It is the simple distinction that allows for order and peace in our little world. we all struggle and when we share our struggles we feel less alone. thanks for the beauty you put out into the world.- laura k

[victoria]

Drop those balls immediately. So many times we put expectations on ourselves and no one else notices when we skip one or more of those "important, must do" things.

I love your little courtyard---it looks very french somehow. Maybe it's the iron gate with the old brickwork behind it. Nice. Interestingly enough I have the same exact hanging planter (pinkish beige and dark green ceramic tiles) as yours hanging on my patio. How did the twins get separated all the way from your neck of the woods over to southern Indiana U.S.A. I put a fat candle in mine since the size pot that fits the holder part doesn''t hold enough moisture to keep a real live plant going.

Victoria

[Madison]

Hi, I Love Your Blog! I just recently started following it! Where do you Live? you have the Most Prefect House, and Neighborhood! You Should be a Poet, or a Writer! I Love You Style! and your photography is Amazing!

Just thought I would say that :)
~Madi

[Donna]

Don't fret over it, enjoy the time with your littles. All that housework and gardening isn't going anywhere, but someday your babies will be grown and gone and they'll never remember that their mum didn't have a garden in the summer of 2013 :)

[Ellen from Michigan]

Writing this blog is such a healthy way to express your frustration, because by now, after reading all the comments you know that your feelings are shared by many others, and that this is a passing moment. This early time with your children is of life long importance and grounds them forever. And through it all, you managed to photograph and creatively express yourself, which IS taking time for YOU. The mother-sisters out here embrace you and validate what are feeling now and what wonderfulness you have already accomplished. Your loving, creative spirit will break through the gloom
and your children will be a comfort, and hopefully your readers will be a comfort, too.