Juggling These Days

I've had a pretty good day today. Nothing fantastically fabulous, just one of those quiet, thoughtful, pottering kind of days where things have felt unusually calm. In recent days, weeks, months, I confess I've felt like I've not been coping very well. This is quite the Confession! I try not to show it to anyone (and I don't even admit it to myself very often), yet some days I honestly do think that the constant juggling act of life with young children is near impossible to keep up. There is never enough time or energy to keep all the balls in the air.

Today I had a bit of an epiphany. I saw my juggling balls tumble to the ground, and I chose to only pick up the ones that were absolutely essential to the present moment in time. Leave the others. It's ok. It's ok if sometimes life feels messy, if there are jobs and emails and stuff that has to wait. It's ok if it all seems like a complete shambles.

So today, the juggling balls suddenly became simple.

Clean clothes, good home cooked food, and attentive mothering. Forget the rest for now. Let it be.

So I pegged clean laundry out on the line and loved looking at my assortment of thrifted clothes. I loved seeing my rosy summer pyjamas. I loved that Little B had a handful of pegs and pegged them to the bottom of things.

I gazed at my forlorn back yard, oh it's such a mess. It looks so shabby. Mid June, and my pots are still full of dead things and weeds. Sigh. I feel so guilty for not having time to see to it out here, but today, I tried hard to knock the guilt back and let it be.

Yes, it's a mess, and no, there is nothing much growing out here yet. But I am being an Attentive Mother and Little B is having fun out here. He doesn't care if there are flowers or weeds. I fill that big pink trug with warm water and he is happy filling up an old water pistol and squirting my plants.

He finds a snail, and squirts that too.

We have a discussion about snails, about where they live, what they eat, whether they like water.

So many questions, so much wonderful, happy curiosity and fascination with the world.

Whilst Little B is pottering in the back yard, I see to Food. I put butchers sausages in the oven to cook, and I prepare a tray of vegetables to roast with garlic, rosemary and olive oil. Trying to keep one step ahead, trying to ensure that my after-school time is a little less frantic.

Little B has now moved to the front garden. Our street is very quiet during the day, but at 3 years old I don't feel happy about him being out there on his own just yet. So I make coffee and go and sit on the step next to the gorgeously frothy green Alchemilla to watch over him.

My heart sinks again as I take in the sad state of our front patch. Overgrown borders....

....and dismal hanging baskets. I try and think when I might possibly have the time to do some gardening. When? I really don't know. Re-focus. Leave that for now. Attentive Mothering, remember.

I fetch a blanket and cushions and settle down for some chatter with my Little B. He loves to talk. He has some funny obsessions at the moment :: numbers of any sort, CCTV cameras, Fire Exit signs. Well signs in general actually, he is always wanting to know what signs say and what they mean. And the latest thing :: the Human Body. We went to the library on Friday specifically to find a book about the Human Body so that I could try to help answer his constant questions. We look at this book about fifty times a day.

My mind wanders slightly and I start fretting about my garden again. I need to get flowers. How? Where from? How will I carry them home? Bags? Boxes? When can I possibly squeeeeeze plant-buying into my day?

I remember I have some sweet pea seedlings growing in the kitchen, so I go to water them and check on them as they are the only attempt I have made this year to garden. They look ok, but they are a bit small. I wonder briefly whether to declare 2013 the year of No Plants and brazen it out.

Back inside and I am wandering around, waiting for food to finish cooking, keeping a watchful eye on Little B. He is talking to the guinea pigs. I look around me. Everything feels drab and messy and uncared for. I am fretting again. I am trying to pick up those juggling balls again.

So I force myself to let it be. It's ok. Our home is ok.

It's very messy and a tad chaotic, and there are far too many objects in it, but the Little People are happy and that's the most important thing. It's a happy house, relaxed and colourful.

My in-tray is spilling over, full of things that need my attention. But there just isn't enough time in the day to start on that. It'll all have to wait.

I wish some days I could do what Little B does and just settle on the sofa under a blanket, close my eyes and drift off to sleep. Give in to the tiredness. Wouldn't that be something?

x

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Liz]

Dear Lucy,
I love this post, thanks for sharing. Needless to say I've also got kids/job/house etc to keep up with which can get slightly overwhelming at times! You're a great mum , and a lovely creative person. And thanks so much for taking the time to share your beautiful creations and patterns. So appreciated.
Very best wishes always,
Liz

[tich]

I think one of the nicest things about your post today is that most people will empathise with you, and it will make readers feel better about themselves. Bloggers read other blogs, see beautiful, immaculate studios and feel terrible about themselves, as their place is a mess. Forget the mess, no plants, weeds. your little boy will remember the snail in years to come and that you played with him. Enjoy!!

[Jess Sellars]

Hi Lucy,

2 years ago I dropped all of my juggling balls. I was very poorly for a very long time an lost an entire week of my life. I decided not to pick up any of the balls that didn't work for me and pick up a new one brightly coloured ball that I could bounce along with whenever I liked. It was a ball that was rolled along the floor at me and I was extremely glad to pick it up. I decided to pick up a crochet hook and hit the web to find a suitably colourful person to show me how. Thank you Lucy. Dropping our balls (oo er mrs) is sometimes just what we need to do. Let your friends help and realise that we are only human. We all send you love Lucy as its the very least we can do.

J x

[Lisa Pratt]

Just look after yourself, your marriage and your kids. I've had to learn this as well recently. I've done something to my back and can't do what I need to at the moment. Fortunately my husband and my kids have realised my distress and today they have pitched in and helped. We are on half an acre (NSW, Australia) so the gardening is never ending, this year I am enjoying my bulbs but have resigned myself to the fact that I'm not going to have pansies or sweet peas as I simply can't bend.

I also appreciate your honestly as often us mums feel we have to be superwoman and it's just not possible. I hope you feel much better soon and as usual I love every single one of your posts.

[Lynda M O]

My sweet young mother to such wonderfully growing individuals, I recommend that you take a nap three times a week and see if in a month you don't feel better all around. Like other commenters I have had to change my perfectionist style, in my case due to health challenges but change them nonetheless. Now when the urge to close my eyes comes, I listen to the body and I close the bedroom door, turn on the fan and sleep until I feel better. I get that with three LPs around you are not as flexible but napping really does the body and the soul a good turn. Thank you for your poignant honesty and realism; they are truly refreshing to read. I hope to find the top of my desk before the end of the month-my biggest pending goal !~!

[Rudi O]

I Always LOVE your posts, especially the ones about not being a Wonder Woman, able to DO absolutely Everything! Be PROUD of what you Have Accomplished, not only for your Family, but yourself as well!!!

Are Little Man & Little Lady able to assist with carrying plants home for their Mum? What about a Mother's Day Coupon Book, 1 hour of Garden Labor, expires 12-31.... J may have quite the time helping them draw up the coupons!

xoxo

[Valerie]

I remember the first year I declared I would not send Christmas cards out...it felt at first like a failure, then a true liberation! I totally agree with all the other comments...your little ones are precious and your house and garden are fine and will be there year after year for you to fuss over, while your children will grow up and out. Maybe you are doing too much? Is the blog posting a release of emotion for you or a burden? I would hate to lose your wonderful voice and "friendship", but as a friend would tell you to put yourself first. Maybe work out a compromise of responsibilities of some sort? Just a thought...

[Irene]

Have ur Hubby weed with a weedeater dump out the planters that don't have anything growing in them n ur not going to be able to get this yr and when u are out doing stuff like food shopping or storeage if u see a plant or twon good price grab it:-) or have ur Dadd or frineds and family bring potted plants ready to just have u set them out, or get a teen n have them weedeat ur home n yard r fineenjoy the family :-)

[Bluebell]

I used to have a little dish with the following verse:

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait ‘til tomorrow
For babies grow up we’ve learnt to our sorrow
So quiet down cobwebs
Dust go to sleep
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

Such true words. Mine have all grown up now and flown the nest but a bit of dust, clutter etc didn't do them any harm! Keep smiling! X

[anon]

Blogging is time consuming,do you need to blog so much.If you read all the comments every time ,that is also time consuming.You sound frustrated as if you can't get on with the things you want to get on with.Sometimes things take longer to do than is planned for one reason or another.You have taken on lots of extra work this year and probably trying to prove it can be done and you want to do it.But sometimes ,just sometimes it just gets too much.If your not careful the crocheting will become a chore and not be enjoyable anymore.

[Rabea]

Hi Lucy,

...."It's a happy house, relaxed and colourful."...

That's the most important thing.

Greetings from Germany
Rabea

[Catherine]

Shhhhh. Don't tell anyone, but sometimes I pop the telly on grab a cushion and a blanket, snuggle down on the sofa and have a well-earned nap!!!! If I'm really lucky my 7and 4 year old take close up photos of me in the blissful land of nod. Sometimes you just need to be kind on yourself. My husband reassures me that its invaluable for the children to see us in all our many guises- imperfections and all!!!!!

[suzanne]

I was a full time mum for a beautiful decade, adoring every squidgy messy moment with the kids, abandoning everything for lovely mummy and offspring times. My two are 17 and 19 now...my house is tidy and freshly decorated, my seedlings are a foot tall : cucumbers, chillies, tomatoes, I have flowers growing everywhere and I love my garden time (my new babies). But my son came home after his first year away at University... he looked at the neat home, freshly decorated, the expensive sofas we finally dared to buy.... he just sighed and said "I preferred it before, it was comfy, it was home....". Out of the mouths of grown up babes eh. Embrace the chaos, one day you will have nothing but time on your hands. xxx

[Irma Pijpers]

Hi Lucy,
How do I recognize this! It's hard to juggle with the balls of family, housekeeping, garden, food preparing and work! But let it go and take care of yourself. Hope you are feeling well soon. I read your blog very often, because it makes me happy, all that colours, your stories about your kids, holidays and your house.
And... your living room is OK. The shelves of bliss are stil bliss, right? :-)

Take care
Irma

[Donna]

Lucy bless you and thanks for your honesty. You are an amazing writer and your advice to yourself makes us all more mindful. Take care xxx

[Sarah]

You know what...? Why not occaissionally climb in there with Little B and drift off. Everything will be there when you wake, but you will feel more able to cope maybe. Life isnt easy, but thats what makes it wothwhile. Enjoy x

[Kath]

Thank goodness- you're normal! I'm impressed you have time to blog and be so creative with three young kids. I have just had baby number two, and struggle to even get dressed most days! Your home is loved, your children are loved and your family is very lucky to have such a loving woman at the helm. Hang in there! I'm told it gets easier...

[Helen]

Golly its difficult to know what to add to the support so lovingly expressed by 100s of people ahead of me. I'm wondering if Yarndale bunting is weighing on your mind? (and finger?) I think I read that you are intending to join them together yourself? why not tell us how big a gap you want between them and let us get on with it - you've trained us well to follow instructions - then spread the load of joining the lengths - many hands make light work you know! breathe in deep and feel the support (((xXx)))

[Nicki]

When you've not been well juggling life is hard, children or no children. Best to focus on all the things you have achieved and pick up the others when you are ready. Just tell yourself you have a wildlife garden this year and are planning something else for the future!

[Anna]

I think that sometimes you should things let go the way they are. You shall take a good rest, Lucy. I don't even know how you cop with so many things... I started getting up earlier to give breakfast to my husband and prepare lunch to take to office, and already feeling so sleepy and tired by the evening...and don't want to eat dinner even.
Have a happy day and take care of yourself!

[Amber]

I remember those days -- my boys are grown now. Don't worry about the flowers or things out of place, you have your priorities exactly right at this point, spending time talking to a little boy with questions about snails. I wish I had done more of that I'd love a time machine to go back and visit for a day sometimes -- even though I'm also very happy with my life now!

Loved this post!!!!

[Pat]

I remember being a young mother and feeling the same way! I now have three beautiful grown daughters and 4 wonderful grandsons. Do you know what they remember most? Not the messy house or yard, but the things we did together and the time I spent with them. Don't fret, enjoy your family while you can!

[cara]

Dearest Lucy, my home is clean and tidy, my garden is small and full of flowers and bees and growing things. My children have long since flown the nest and they are happy, busy and healthy but there are days when I miss the chaos, the laughter, a little hand in mine. I miss it to my core.
I have health problems that cannot be cured but I take comfort from my creativity and the little pleasures in life... My grandsons giggle, beautiful flowers, blue sky and also from your beautiful blog.
Sometimes, we drop our juggling balls.... But perhaps we need to?
Tomorrow is another day.
Sending my gratitude and a warm squeezy hug. X

[Sandy]

Just to make you feel better. You aren't the only one who hasn't planted the flowers yet. Just this morning my hubby drove me down to buy my flowers for my flower boxes on my shed. I had to clean out the flower boxes with all the old potting soil and weeds growing out of them. I got them all cleaned out and then we got the phone call. My sewing store called that my new sewing table came in and was ready for pick up. So my flowers are on hold now. We spent the afternoon dragging the hundred and 46 pound sewing table downstairs into the basement. Needless to say we were very pooped afterwards. It's even harder to keep up with everything when you're in your 60s. You have a lovely home and wonderful children you are very blessed. Trust me you won't look back and wish that you had cleaned your house more. Messy homes are homes that are lived in and loved.

[SHARITA]

Your words have really comforted me so much today. I'm not so able to put into words my feelings and thoughts like you are, but while reading your post today I felt like if it was my own post. Once again, THANK YOU.