Uneasy

I am feeling very odd at the moment, a weird, uneasy mix of high excitement and nervous anxiety. I am one of those people who tries at all costs to minimise stress or anxiety in life, it does not suit me in the slightest. High excitement on the other hand is generally welcomed with opened arms. Excitement most definitely does suit.

During the past week when life has been very chaotic and not at all comfortable, I have tried to push away those niggling feelings of unease and focus on the good. Life's small pleasures which never fail to carry me through. A patch of warm sunshine to sit in, a good mug of coffee.

Crochet. Cuddles. Sweet  moments of togetherness.

The pleasure that comes from being a Mum, fulfilling an early morning plea from my youngest to simply go and watch him play. Please Mummy. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease come watch me play. Sit. Sit there. Look at my Big Train!

Last week our hundred year old house went through a bit of a bash. More precisely we had old windows knocked out, large gaping holes for a bit, and then the most beautiful new windows put in place. It was simultaneously dreadful and wonderful. Stressful and exciting. Feelings of absolute panic and complete joy. I will have to try and photograph the new windows to show you, they are really lovely :: hand crafted, double glazed, timber sash.

The arrival of new windows has sparked off a whole heap load of feelings, thoughts and ideas to do with the rest of our humble abode. Mainly to the tune of we-need-to-get-on-and-get-stuff-done! J and I have spent many hours talking through plans, discussing ideas, trying to get a handle on what needs to be done and in which order. Cripes. Major renovation work baffles me and excites me. I really, really want it to happen, yet at the same time I can't be bothered with the upheaval.

Yesterday was our tenth wedding anniversary. Actually no, it wasn't, it was our eleventh. Yes, eleven years. The most ginormous bouquet of flowers arrived. We went for a simple meal out in a country pub, emerging into the quiet night all flushed from the open fire and full of good food. Lots of talk. Plans. We like to plan, my man and I.

I have so much to do! I have so much to think about and decide upon! It's exciting. Oh it really is, but underneath the excitement sits a persistent anxiety. I'm not really a deadline type of person. Deadlines make me fret. But.....maybe it's time? Time to do more, be more, achieve more? Then again....maybe I'll just keep bumbling along in my own happy little world and leave the deadline stuff well alone. 

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Comments

[Rani]

Hmmm. It sounds like the rumblings of a new adventure to me.

[MissFlux]

Hi Lucy love! I your wondows are going to look amazing! I have a house from 1928, and we need to replace the old windows and bay windows ... badly.
I totally relate to what you say about planning but then the underlying anxiety is too much at times. Thank goodness we have our hooky love and you seem like me, able to take in the simple things when you are stressed and soak them up. This blog has been another inspiring blog. ESPECIALLY since you sound like me!? haha.
I just finished my "Summer" wreath, based on your pattern .. omg i love it SO MUCH .. thank you. I am just putting together a blog post about it and as always will link back to you. I used may roses on my wreath and leaves .. SOOOO awesome.
Well best wishes tip we see you next time, cant wait to see the windows. Much hooky love to you.
Cass/MissFlux/StitchBitch
xx

[Jan honeycutt]

I often feel uneasy at this time of the year as well.
Unknown fears and anxiety about not having done enough over the summer maybe. Even though I do actually accomplish many things!

[Jan honeycutt]

My 12 th anuversary was on the 7th of October. Birthday on the 8th:))
Yippee fall celebrations!

[Maria]

The first photo is delicious. Yummy!

[Issy]

As lovely as it is to be a dreamer, it feels so much better to be a doer!
Madness is part of life as also are the everyday life little gifts ;) When we focus on them and find a minute to just breathe we kinda' embrace life at its fullest.
I think I understand where you're coming from. Times flies and before you know it all the beautiful dreams/projects start to feel a bit itchy... sometimes even frustaring. But hey! everyone with kiddos also knows time IS kinda' surreal thing. haha right?
I'm sure all your projects will work out. One at the time, a little everyday ;) just like those beautiful pieces of patchwork you do :) (seriously people, how you even start that?!? I'm lacking some serious skills here!) just keep the knitting flowing.
ATBW

[Heather]

it sounds like your ready to view life in a new way, I think the new windows represent that! perhaps you are ready for more, good luck with that, Heather x

[Angela-Southern U.S.A.]

Congrats on the eleventh year mark!(26 for me)where did the time go,right?We are creatures of habit...anything out of the norm(if it's big) tend to make us uneasy.Just think positive and some deep breathing,chin up and all that.Hope it passes soon.Re-modeling is always a hassle,even when it's a good thing in the end. Have a great week!

[Mellie]

Congratulations on your anniversary ... !! Any work done on your home always feel so big, but can only be worth it!! x

[curvywitch]

I always think renovations and major decorating projects would be best done from a nearby luxury hotel suite where one could oversee said operations without the inconvenience of living through them. Alas these sort of resources are so rarely around the corner and so one must muddle through the chaos as best one can. ;-)
Here's hoping your new windows are in soon and all your lovely plans come to fruition.
Love your blog Lucy and thinking calming thoughts for you. xx

[Wendy Fletcher]

Whenever I'm faced with a big decision and I'm sure I DON'T want to do it, but not sure if I SHOULD, I just tell myself to "take it as far as I can" and then see what happens. For example when applying for a new job (when I was younger), I would send out my resume, make all the follow-ups, have the interviews - I did all I could - and then it was in someone else's hands to decide. It tends to eliminate the stress on ME, and it sort of puts it all in the hands of FATE. Keep faith that the right solution will work out for you if you at least step into the challenge (even if a bit unsure at the start).
Wendy

[idiosyncratic eye]

Happy anniversary! I am much like you, I don't like too much stress and the renovations definitely seem to cause it! :)

[wo]

Too much you want to do and not enough hours to do it all in!!! Only you can make the decisions and whatever they maybe you have to live with it.

[Caroline]

Hi Lucy

I've been following you on your blog for a while and love it. I saw the latest issue of WI Life this morning - did you know that you're blog is mentioned on page 20?

[Jenny]

Oh, goodness. Hang in there. Ride the waves. I imagine good things are in store for you, colorful things no doubt.

[Debbie Johnson]

Howdy Lucy!
Yes, I too try to live as stress free as possible. Happy thoughts...finding the joy in everyday little things.
I do not like dead lines either. The good thing about them is they get stuff done. A line in the sand. Get 'er done and move on to the next task. Also you are not in this alone, you have your hubby to help achieve these projects. And when you are done you have that wonderful satisfaction of getting it done!

[Kim]

Ah honey - step away from the deadlines and stay in the light. That said - sometimes you need to feel the fear and do it anyway. That's the only way to find out whether you made the right decision. And then if it still a fearsome place - step away then! xx

[Beth]

You know, it's okay just to be where you are, creating a home and nurturing young children. That's enough and plenty! As for renovations, I know how you feel. It feels like they are "attacking the hive," and it makes me feel nervous and upset, as I buzz around while strangers mess my home up, even if it is for a good end! Beth

[Jennie]

Thanks for sharing this post Lucy. I have been looking at my kitchen windows, which are original to my mid-century house. They are lovely but I cannot open them without crawling onto the sink and nearly dislocating my shoulders. Seeing you replace your windows with gorgeous new ones makes me feel that maybe it would be ok to do the same.

[Anita]

I get overwhelmed when it comes time to do something drastic to the house. I get the uneasy feeling. It's like feeling invaded or something. Unsure about the turn out and hoping you made the right decision and nothing diasterious happens.

[Cheryl]

Hi Lucy,
Having just completed a small renovation at our little beach home. I know what you are talking about. The first of the projects was new windows and sliding glass door, I am thrilled to say, it was so worth the anticipation and the expense. I know that we will be much warmer this winter and it is so much quieter. Next up was a bit of a redo in our kitchen, moving the fridge and getting a "pantry" where it used to live. I love, love, love my new kitchen space and especially the pantry. Next we put in new flooring in our entry, hallway, guest bath and kitchen. It is a laminate that looks like reclaimed barn wood. It is lovely, and so much easier to keep clean. We also got new doors and woodwork throughout the main living areas. My advice, is sit back and enjoy the ride. It only hurts when you have to write the checks for the additions.

[MJ]

Seem like much more going on than you feel comfortable sharing at the moment. I am sure that whatever it is, you will consider it from all angles and make the best choice possible. You are a creative, innovative and strong young woman with a big heart and a knack for getting the best out of any situation. I have a lot of faith in your judgement.

[Michele Boucher-Hines]

You have a magical way of writing and putting your feelings into words - another wonderful gift from God.

Whenever I have felt like you do now, I have trusted my faith in God to guide me - and it has always worked out wonderfully.

As for renovations - the mess and chaos that ensues is always ghastly, but once it's done it's such a joy.

[Karen]

Hi Lucy,
Follow your dreams 'cos today's anxieties really can become tomorrows achievements. I love your blog and it's good to see you back. Keep smiling!
Love Karen x

[Bari Jo]

Oh, I so get it, Lucy... I am the same way... hope you find rest in the journey - regardless of which way you chose to go!