The Perfect Project :: Part II

Hello!!!!
Well now.....I think I might just about have recovered from the aftermath of my last post,  my goodness, I can't tell you how awesome it has been to receive so very many well-wishes and congratulations, so much surprise and joy and happiness from you all.

I had been really looking forward to sharing my baby news with you, and had an inkling that your response would be quite something. But I didn't realise it would all be quite so MUCH!!! So very many comments, so much feeling, in such huge quantities!! I have to confess that I almost came adrift for a while back there, I became so overwhelmed and engulfed with emotion that truthfully it was almost too much to take on. I felt like I was being swept along on a giant emotional wave, unable to get my feet back on the ground.

But I've recovered myself a little now, and am hoping today to elaborate on The News a little, to tell you some of the things that I've not been able to share with you during the summer months, to chat with you a little about this new direction my life is taking.

You may (or may not) remember that in early June, on returning from a fabulous week holidaying in Bruges and the Lake District, that instead of my usual bubbly post-holiday tales, I ended up writing a somewhat downhearted post, a bit of a whinge-fest in fact. I remember that I really wanted to share my holiday with you that day, yet I felt miserable and moody, and not my usual self at all.
Well, little did I know at the time of writing that post that my odd feelings were being caused by pregnancy hormones. That the extreme tiredness I began to experience during that week was not in fact down to the post-holiday laundry and the weeds ganging up on me, but down to a little baby beginning to grow.

And let me tell you, this particular baby-growing activity was totally, hugely, completely and utterly unplanned and unexpected. To use the word "Shock" doesn't even seem to touch upon the way J and I felt when we discovered in early June that we were expecting another baby.

You may remember how erratic my blog-writing was throughout June, oh I was really struggling for a while back there. I am lucky in pregnancy in that on the whole I do not suffer. I don't get sick. Yes, I get tired, and yes I do have some raging hormones to contend with, but mostly I am my normal self, albeit a little more weary and tetchy. But this time around, I felt so emotionally weighed down all the time, so negative, so hugely burdened with shock (both mine and J's) that I was far from my normal self in fact. It's hard to put into words now, but when we discovered I was pregnant it was as if our whole world came crashing down around our ears. I mean, we were so unprepared, so completely floored by the news, it threw us into something of a blind panic. And it took a fair while for us to stop panicking and start accepting this new direction our lives were taking.

I really did think that my baby-days were well and truly a part of my past, that our little family of four was balanced and complete. As much as I loved and cherished those years when my Little People were teeny and hugely dependent on me, I have also begun to love and cherish my new-found freedom and me-time during this past year, and to harbour ideas of beginning to work again. And then there's the age thing too :: I'll be 41 when the baby is born, and there will also be a fair sized gap between the Little People (who are age 5 and 7, born 20 months apart) and the new Teeny Person. The dynamics of our happy family will be well and truly altered, and J and I both worried about this enormously.

However, I would say that finally, after a tough few months we are pretty much there with the acceptance. And very recently, I've even begun to feel some welcome little twinges of excitement, as (I am hugely glad to say) have the rest of the family.

I am now 21 weeks along, and very much looking and feeling pregnant, as you no doubt noticed by my bump!

Bump24 (love love love that!) is due 24th January 2010.

Many of you asked how I managed to keep it a secret for so long, but truthfully, I was not in any way ready to tell you before now. I needed to wait until I was well on my way, until I'd had my 20wk anomaly scan (which was on Weds last week and was great). And most importantly, I needed to wait until I was well and truly out of Denial, and Happy with what was going on. I could not possibly have told you the news until I was Happy about it myself.
And I am. We are. Happy about it.
Pheww.
I can't tell you how glad I am to say that, and know in my heart that it is true.

Well my lovelies, I think thats about all for today, thank you so much for being here and for all the fantastic enthusiasm you always show for the little twists and turns of my daily life. Your words to me in the last few days have just confirmed what a fabulously generous and caring place Blogland is, and how amazing it is to be a part of it. Reading all your comments (which has taken some doing) has been totally amazing in every way possible, and you have truly touched my heart with your words.

I can't thank you enough.

Oooooooooooo I almost forgot..........before I dash off to collect my delicious Little People from school, I just want to quickly give you a little bit more info about the baby blanket yarn. As you know, it's from the US and is a Jil Eaton yarn called MinnowMerino, a worsted weight, single ply 100% merino yarn with a "micron count as lovely as cashmere".

And it really is utterly Scrumdiddlyupmptious.

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Comments

[Rosie]

I've been following your blog for a year now, but just this Easter hols decided to read right from the start, like a delicious book!
Knowing you now have 3 children, the youngest of whom is 5, I've been waiting for days now to get to the bit where you were expecting him!!! Couldn't put my 'book' down!!!! Haha!
Our third was a big surprise too (numbers 1 and 2 being 9 and 6 at the time), my husband couldn't speak for several days after we found out I was pregnant! Number 3 is now 16 and is such a joy! Born to make us smile and keep us young!!! :) Rosie

[Erin]

Congratulations I know this is an old post. But I'm in a bind I need to make a baby blanket in a crunch I have a month and I need to use Caron One Pound or Red Heart Super Saver to make a ripple afghan (this afghan has to be 4 colors that match the room). HELP D: Where is your pattern? I can't seem to find it.

[Sandra]

Hello Lucy, I'm very late to this and have only recently discovered your blog and been inspired. I fully understood your comments and feelings about your surprise pregnancy. I had 4 kids all very close in age, was planning to go back to university to do my Masters when I discovered I was expecting no5!! To say I was devastated doesn't quite cover it. It took me, like you, until my 20 week scan to pull myself together and to try and be positive. Long story short, we had our 4th boy who is more delicious than I can say! I was amazed by how he made my heart do flips! He is now 2 (and an absolute terror) and we have moved from Scotland to Australia for a bit more space. Life is very different from the life I had planned and anticipated, but wonderful none-the-less.
Thanks for your lovely, cheery blog,
Sandra x

[Tara ~ GA]

Well I totally understand everything that you are going thru. I am due on Feb. 9th, 2010 and have been so tired that I am just getting to this post. When I saw your belly I think my little peanut (baby) did a little summer sault. Well congratulations is in order I look forward to seeing your baby grow as well as mine. This is my first baby and I am already looking at all of the wonderful items that I am going to be making her, since now I know she's a she. :)

[Mary Ann]

Many congrats to you and yours, Lucy! This new little addition is going to be so happy arriving into your love-filled family!
Cheers, Mary Ann in Denmark

[sumea]

Aww Lucy I cried buckets reading that, I honestly did. It's like I went through all those emotions with You (I did in a way, my twins were unexpected too! that was 22 years ago, but I can still remember the shock as well as the lovely feeling of acceptance and happiness slowly creeping up on me. Having twins was very tiring, but an absolute joy).
Baby 24 could be misconstued in such a funny way! Lol, but Yes, it's Great :o) I Love it too. Gosh! I've stared weeping again, must be picking up on those hormones.
I am so Happy for You Lucy, having a third baby is a challenge and Yes some of Your free time will be sacrificed. But What a Blessing Lucy!!! such a Beautiful thing to happen ...such a Precious gift.
Enjoy Your pregnancy, I think You are like me..I used to feel Great, almost my best when pregnant. Now You are recovering from the great shock, I think You will treasure this Precious time. and it will be blogged, so You can read over all those precious moments again.
I am sending You one big Huge warm Loving Hug.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Sumea

[JJ]

congratulations!!

I just wanted to say that I have two siblings, one 4 years older and one 6 years younger, and even though the youngest is well in what should be his teenage grotty stage and his two sisters live at opposite ends of the country, we are as close as close can be. So close, in fact, that hours are spent every weekend drinking tea, chatting and knitting/crocheting over the wonder of webcam technology, and my university bedroom wall is plastered with pictures drawn by little brother.

Have no fear, and stay colourful!!

Jx

[sarangdino]

I really have enjoyed your beautiful, colorful work. I am 39 and newly pregnant. My other 2 boys are 6 and 8 so I am in a similar situation! It is quite exhausting being this old! I wish you much energy and a safe pregnancy with a healthy baby at the end!

[maureen]

Wow what a wonderful newsssss!
I wish you a happy pregnancy and a beautiful baby.....

Enjoy!
Maureen

[tintocktap]

I was 41 when my daughter was born 18 months ago to no less joy but just a little less energy. I also have a big gap between her and my son who was 7 at the time (thank post natal depression for that one). My son is absolutely wonderful with his little sister and loves her dearly. He also gets a lot of pleasure out of being old enough to help her and teach her - he probably feels he can share more in her learning than he would if he was much younger. I'm sure your children will be the same. I'm also very jealous of you as I loved being pregnant - wish I could do it again, but at the same time I feel too old for the consequences of the pregnancy!

Glad you've come to terms with everything and can look forward to January. I'm due to be an aunt again around that time.

[Jo]

Hi Lucy, CONGRATULATIONS!!!! You have no idea who I am but I feel like I know you thanks to wonderful blogland. I love your making and also your meandering tales of everyday life. I always get a big smile on my face when I see there is a new post on your blog. I adore your Perfect Project, it is just perfect and the yarn looks so scrumptious. I wanted to tell you that I'm a third child with a gap before me. In fact at almost the same distance as yours will be, my sisters were 8 and 5 and a half when I was born. Sure, we've had our moments due to that gap, jealousy (on all our parts), annoying (on my part), bossing (on their part) etc. But we are all really good friends. In fact sometimes I'm really glad for that gap, my sisters have always looked out for me and learning from their experiences helped me through lots of difficult times. Sure there are potential difficulties with gaps in kids ages (for both kids and parents) but their are lots of benefits too!! Best wishes. xx Jo

[Steel]

There's 8 years between me and my sister and there was a lot of jealousy on her part when I was born. I think my parents went along the "you have to be a big sister and responsible now" when she wasn't ready.

She'd been the baby for so long she wanted the same attention and didn't get it.

Bump24 due on the 24th Jan? An Aquarian just like me (I'm 25th Jan). Another creative dreamer in the Attic24 family!

[Jeannette Mariae]

I am so happy for you and your family. I am 48 and my children is 26 and 18 years old and our new born is 3 month old now.

Love JM

[Linea]

I'm so happy that you are feeling well. And that you now can look forward with joy.I can fully understand the panic you felt in the beginning.
Congratulations again, to you all.
Hugh
Linea/Sweden

[Mairi]

wow! biggest congrats! i have almost exactly the same dynamics (5yr old boy, 7 yr old girl (20mths apart, v close!) and 6mth old girl!) was also very worried but excited too! have to say it has been wonderful... the "big kids" as we call them have loved her from day 1 and are so protective... it's a wonderful dynamic and she loves the end of the day when we pick them up from school! it is also a breeze having no 3 since the others manage themselves plenty more and i get to knit, crochet, sew tons... you will love it! love, mairi (the Scot from down here in Australia!

[Debbie Price]

Congratulations! I know what you are going through...my husband and I have 5 girls, but the age spread is HUGE!!They are: 30, 28, 20, 18 and 10! Every time we were 'done' with the second in the set, we gave away EVERYTHING baby! Then we just had to buy it again in 10 years! What is the oddest thing is our oldest granddaughter is only 13 months younger than our 10 year old!! Is it easy having a baby in your 40's? Actually, it was my easiest...you already know what to except and you are more patient...hope all goes well for you...you are am AMAZING crocheter!

[donna]

Oh I am so happy for you and I totally understand your feelings when you found out. I too was 40 when I found out that my little bonus ball was to be born. My eldest was 15, my youngest then 5 and just started school so I was just about to start my business and do something else, other than being Mummy. I spent the first few weeks being rather cross as I readjusted my future plans and got my head round the news. 4 years on it is like she has always been here and is a total joy. Baby number 3 is much easier than 1 or 2 as they are born into a big family with lots of people to love them and they feel that from day 1.

Such exciting times ahead Lucy.

Big love to you and your family xxx

[JacquiMcR]

Lucy, I will have to make sure my hubby doesnt read this. I have just turned 40 and with our kids at 11 and 13 I am just getting round to thinking what I might like to do. Hubby, however things it would be fabulous to have another baby, which just makes me feel guilty. In my defence, I was utterly hopeless at pregnancy and vomitted every day (including the days they were born) for nine months. Enjoy this special time, you have lots of people sending you good wishes - jacqui x

[Lara]

Hi Lucy - wow, what a change for you, and congratulations too. You are not on your own! (As I've seen from the comments and my own experience). My twins turn 14 this year and my wee man 5 this weekend. Yes, it was a shock for us too, but what a wonderful dynamic it has brought to our family. The older ones adore the wee man, and they are his heroes. Life loves throwing us a curved ball sometimes doesn't it - that's what makes it interesting! Thanks for sharing your precious news in such an honest way. Lara x

[Marian Edwards]

Lucy, i was extremely moved by your post..memories of my fourth pregnancy came flooding back!..the anguish, the denial & the guilt i felt at the time was unbearable but like you i grew to love that little baby growing inside of me!..i couldn't imagine life without Jesse now..he's the best 'mistake' i've ever made & he'll always be my 'special' baby even though he's 25. I'm the youngest of five by 8yrs and my mum was 42 when she had me..i've always felt loved even when i was told i was a 'mistake' and i never minded being called the baby!..i nursed my mum when she could no longer look after herself and she was 96 when she died 4 yrs ago..she used to look at me and say i was her guardian angel and that she was so lucky to have me. Believe me when i say this baby is a blessing and will enrich your life immeasurably..love, Marian x

[Isabelle (France)]

Hi Lucy, you make so much sense... Thank you for sharing the start of your journey with us.
Isabelle

[Stephanie Lichlyter]

I have blogstalked you for a while and had to come out of hiding to say how much your baby story rang true with me. I also had a surprise third baby that took me a long time to get used to the idea. I was seriously depressed for at least 3 months into the pregnancy because I was planning to go back to Nursing School then. Now, I can honestly say I can barely remember life before Paige showed up and even though there is a gap between her and my older son and daughter, that has not stopped them from all being close. She has brought such joy into our family! Everything does happen for a reason! Thanks for your honesty and I only wish you the BEST!

[Anne]

Many many blessings to you and your family! I found your blog not too long ago and it inspired me to crochet. I have fallen hard and have many projects going now : ) I know that Bump24 will fit in fantastically. And the blanket is just gorgeous. Thanks for sharing your journey!

[Trina]

Oh Lucy, you are making me feel all broody...and my kids are 21 and 19!!
Just wanted to let you know that I am a no3 baby with sister 5 years older and brother 7 years older and it was just fine :-) and still is...oh and baby is due 3 days before my birthday! Isn't life crazy and interesting? xx

[BeBe]

Lucy, hang in there, my mom was 41 when she got pregnant with my brother and I(the closest)was 6. She always called him her rainy day baby(one put away for a raniy day). She now says he has kept her young. And she is the youngest 82 year old I have ever seen. I am happy happy for you. I just sent my only one away to college and even though I am 50 I would love to have another one home in the nest. BeBe in Fl