A couple days ago, Saturday to be precise, I found myself sitting and pondering a while, thinking about my two Little People. Thinking how good life at home is when they are good and happy and enjoying themselves, and how horrid it can be when the opposite happens (we've been dealing with some "issues" of late which I don't wish to go into right now, but there have been tantrums involved and it has indeed been horrid). I thought about my role as a parent, and how I don't often sit and actually think about that role very often. I thought about how as parents, we can so often be on automatic pilot with our offspring, how we don't often have cause to stop and question they way we actually go about our Parenting Role. Our actions/reactions, moods and perspectives can affect our children so much, can't they?
And so at the beginning of Saturday I made a decision. A conscious, considered Parenting Decision that would need an Announcement. So I summon the Little People for The Announcement. I declare that Saturday is to be a YES-day. A positive, happy day where anything they ask for (within reason) will be granted, where I shall attempt to say yes to any requests, to allow them to do anything their little hearts desire. Because I am so proud of them, because they are wonderful children and I wish them to have the best day. And because I am veeeeeery curious to see what they will ask for.
Little Man jumps straight in to test out the YES-day. He asks if he can have a glass full of water with sugar mixed in. He wants to make a sugar-water drink, and he wants to drink it all. He looks at me directly, wondering if I will indeed agree to him doing something I have previously said NO to several times. I say Yes, he can. He is thrilled. And he gets his wish.
Next he asks if he can have a bubble bath, nice and deep. He asks for a plastic plate to be dolloped with "potions" for making experiments. I say Yes, he can, and I give him a plate with various blobs of shampoo, conditioners and bath lotions, with a bowl and spoon. He is SO happy!
Out of the bath and he asks to bake buns, yes of course you can. Can we make red icing? Yes! Can we use whatever we like to decorate them? Yes! Wooohooooo!!!
Can
we do Easter Crafts too? Yes (but go steady with the glue). Actually,
they cannot in fact be bothered with glue and go for the full-on
selotape option. Effective and not nearly as messy. So far so good, the
YES-day is working a treat.
Lunch time and Little Lady puts in a request. She asks to make her own sandwich. No, no, I'll do it I say, it'll be easier and quicker. Oh pleeeeeeeeease Mummy, I want to do it!
I have temporarily forgotten my
promise, slipped back to old ways. But when she reminds me of the
YES-day I have no option but to let her do it. And why not? Where's the
harm? Why do I automatically say No when she asks if she can do this
for herself? I don't know! Habit? Control? Ease?
She does great. She allows me to slice the cheese and cucumber, but does everything else herself.
She is so very, very proud of herself, the first sandwich she has ever made, arranged with care on her Flower Fairy plate.
After lunch, I remind the Little People that this is their day, it's a day for fun things to happen and that they can ask for anything they like. They think about this. They ponder it. And then they ask for the Argos catalogue. They ask if they can choose a toy each and if we can go on a trip to buy them. Yes, you can!
Oh much page turning and deliberating here, but eventually yes, some toys are chosen and two excited Little People get taken to the shops.
Little Man chooses a Lego set. He is very, very happy. He says it's been the Best Day of His Life.
Little Lady chooses an Ariel doll that changes colour when it goes into the bath. She requests a bath, yes yes, you can have a bath, of course, it's YES-day! So Ariel and LL go and get wet together. They are very happy.
It was the BEST day. It made me realise that as parents we often have the power to grant wishes and allow our children the freedom to experiment a little, to test things out, yet its all too easy to say NO, to decline a modest request. I enjoyed the YES-day enormously and shall do my best from now on to say YEs as much as I can.
But that is not the end of the story :: there is one last installment.
Sunday morning and I am in the bath, a lovely deep hot bath with bubbles, listening to the radio and day dreaming. I am in the best place. It's quiet and peaceful. I hear footsteps running up stairs, muffled excited voices just outside the door, and then a knock.
Both Little People come in together, they stand side by side. Little Man has something behind his back. He shows me what it is and at first I cannot tell what he is showing me. It's a bit of an old cut up Christmas card and something in spotty paper with lots and lots of selotape.
They tell me that they've wrapped me a present and made a special tag to go on it. They tell me it's a Thank You Present, thanking me for their new toys and for the YES-day.
I am close to tears, I am so very, very touched by this. I have to jump out the bath, grab a towel and open my gift straight away (see my fingertips there are all pruney from soaking in the bath!)
The Little People have written a little tag for me, each of them signed their names, with lots of XXX kisses XXX too. And when I open my tiny gift, it's a cockle shell, a shell that I recall was collected and bought home from the beach at Heysham a few weeks ago.
It was possibly one of the loveliest gifts I have ever, ever received.
Now where is that box of tissues, I think I'm about to have a little cry ;o)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I need the tissues too! this is how I try to do things with my little guy. And the thiings that make him happiest are the really simple 'helping' things, like baking, planting something in the garden, using the vacuum cleaner, helping me sew by operating the foot pedal to my stop/go commands, and the odd little toy (he is actually very good about just looking at toy shops and deciding what he would like to go on his 'birthday list', lol). As a child I was repeatedly told 'no', no baking (too messy, easier for mum to do herself), no sewing (might damage myself or her machine), no cleaning when little (takes too long, not as good as she would do it) and I made a conscious decision to do things differently. I have had to learn patience but they payoff in seeing my child's pleasure and sense of schievement is far more valuable than any time I might save doing it myself. And I get to re-experience the wonder of small pleasures all over again! Loved this post!
Posted by: Kellie | March 31, 2009 at 11:22 PM
OK I'm all teary eyed as well, what a fantastic day you have with your little people and that gift is the best gift ever. I bet you treasure that forever.
I have made a mental note about YES-day, hopefully I can remember it in a few years time.
Posted by: Jo | March 31, 2009 at 11:13 PM
G'day Lucy
I've just written you a comment but I don't see it & the code thingo didn't come up so am sending it again sorry if it comes double - you can check if my thoughts are the same still lol...
What a wonderful idea having a Yes Day ... I have to agree with you that ever so often we do need to review our Parenting skills especially as each family & child is different Plus I also think we need to also look at our Partnering skills as well as we often take their love & support for granted too, in the hussel & bussel of our busy lives.
What wonderful caring Little People you have grown... they have given you the most precious gift of all... All their Love & a cockle shell as well knowing that their Mummy loves the sea... they are growing into beautiful caring Big People ... seems to me you are on the right track here...
Posted by: bethel of bethania | March 31, 2009 at 10:53 PM
Awww.. that is such a sweet story!! I'm going to have to try a Yes-day myself, although I will have to put restrictions on it, as my kids are teens and I just might go broke saying yes to their requests! Ha ha! Thanks for the little reminder and I'm glad your kids enjoyed it so much, and more so, that they thought to thank you!
God Bless!
Posted by: Lauren | March 31, 2009 at 10:03 PM
Awww how sweet...what lovely children :) x
Posted by: josie-mary | March 31, 2009 at 09:38 PM
That was lovely, Lucy. I'm a pro 'yes' person myself :-)
Posted by: Tania | March 31, 2009 at 09:31 PM
oh Lucy
What a lovely post, we've been having lots of three year old crying and little tempers. Today there was a big one on the bus, which is normally a fun trip,the bus driver was curt the other passengers kept looking at us, I felt bad and stressed, and it was easier to say no for the rest of the day to just blitz in and take over. You've made me think I need to try and understand to be on his level more. I think I will try a yes day tomorrow. Thanks Lucy, your little people are lucky to have such a lovely mum!
Felicity x x
Posted by: Felicity | March 31, 2009 at 09:22 PM
What an amazing day! Thanks for sharing it. I'll have to give it a try! We do have so much power over them. They need to feel they have a say sometimes.
Posted by: Laura Zarrin | March 31, 2009 at 09:00 PM
Oh gosh, my eyes are filled with tears. What a special mom you are. What special children you have. I hope more parents start saying yes to their children.
Posted by: Stacy | March 31, 2009 at 08:48 PM
I was waiting for them to ask for all sorts of things that a yes would be hard to say to but oh what cute things they requested! I can't wait until my little person is a. born and b. sufficiently old enough for a YES day :-) Lovely story as ever Luce xxx
Posted by: rosepetaljam | March 31, 2009 at 07:58 PM
A lovely post and what a lovely day you all had.
I vowed that when we had children I would never say 'because I say so'. I hated that as a child. If I say no to the children I give them the reason why it's a no. It takes more time and a huge amount of patience sometimes as the temptation to just blurt out 'because I say so' is enormous.
But saying that a full on yes day may be something to try to see exactly what they come up with.
Posted by: Lisa | March 31, 2009 at 07:53 PM
What a wonderful story of your wonderful day - lovely for all of you!
Posted by: Gina | March 31, 2009 at 07:46 PM
Now this is a brilliant idea! We have been saying no a bit too much to our 5 year old recently, mostly due to a new baby in the house. This would be a perfect way to spoil our firstborn and make him feel special. Thanks for the lovely post.
Posted by: jo | March 31, 2009 at 07:32 PM
Any tissues left? What a lovely, touching and inspiring post. Not sure I have the nerve to have a yes day for my two boys (16 and 12). I am also ashamed to say that they may faint from the sheer shock of it. It will certainly make me think more about automatically saying No! Thank you Lucy, you really should write a book you know!
Posted by: Alison | March 31, 2009 at 06:47 PM
ooo Ayes day sounds klike lots of fun, I might have to build up my energy to have one in my house over the Easter holidays, I wonder what my children will ask for.
The buns look lovely.
I hope you had a good day.
Louise x
Posted by: Louise | March 31, 2009 at 06:32 PM
you are a wonderful mom. :o)
the idea of having an YES day is great!
Posted by: Alessandra | March 31, 2009 at 06:15 PM
Oh you lovely, lovely Mummy!! Saturday sounds like it was fantastic. What delightful 'little' requests too, shows you are always a good Mummy because the LP asked for simple joys, not spoilt bratty things!
Well done, we're all proud of you. x
Posted by: Luci Sharp | March 31, 2009 at 06:12 PM
Very sweet! In the unschooling community, yes days are every day. It really can make a difference in family relationships. I'm glad you all had such a lovely day.
Posted by: Kristin | March 31, 2009 at 05:56 PM
Ohh so pleased I am back this week, I have missed sooooo much! What a wonderful idea, I promise to give it a go.
I can't believe I missed the draw, but a belated congratulations to all who won! I managed to bring a tear to my mum's eye when I presented her with a brooch - thank you so much for all the inspiration and excellent instruction, have a wonderful week. hugs Debs x
Posted by: thepiglady | March 31, 2009 at 05:53 PM
Oh, Lucy, you are so right. What a wise woman you are and obviously doing a fantastic job with your little people! Treasure every day,they grow up so quickly. I wish I had kept a blog when my two were little, they would have loved to have something like this to read now they are
older.
Love, rainbows and sunshine, Jane x
Posted by: Jane | March 31, 2009 at 05:26 PM
Lucy, I just started reading your blog (: It is a dreary rain/snowy day here in Minnesota - but I feel, after reading your blog and looking at your gorgeous pictures....like I have been transported right into sunshiney weather (: THANK You for such a delightful read in the middle of my day (:
Pam (:
Posted by: Pam Orton | March 31, 2009 at 05:06 PM
Lucy, thank you for the post the yes day. I have 3 childrens , little too.
Yo voy a poner en práctica el día del sí, me parece una fantástica idea. A mí a veces me pasa igual que a tí que me sale más fácil, el no, por comodidad, por rapidez, por control o no sé por qué , porque sí, nada más y tu post me hizo pensar, gracias otra vez. Traté de escribirte en inglés pero no me sale. fijate si podés traducirlo con el babelfish, yo lo utilizo para traducir tu post. Un beso enorme. Andrea.
Posted by: Andrea | March 31, 2009 at 05:03 PM
You are right, I try to avoid saying no too often to the babies, and if something is really out of the question a bit of deistration usually works wonders, "good idea, lets write a list for that" or "that's a great idea, we may only have time to draw a planning sheet for that".
And your little gift, Aaah - You reap what you sow! x
Posted by: The Antidote | March 31, 2009 at 04:49 PM
Tissues, tissues? More tissues anyone?
I loved the pic of LL pushing down the sandwich with her little hands. I can just imagine the little gloating face that must have gone with it ; )
Great day!
Posted by: Nathalie | March 31, 2009 at 04:40 PM
Oh this is such a lovely story. I wish I have done "Yes days" with my two who are now 20 (at Uni) and 17. You have such good ideas, Lucy - love how they thanked you.
Posted by: Zoe | March 31, 2009 at 04:33 PM