The YES-day

A couple days ago, Saturday to be precise, I found myself sitting and pondering a while, thinking about my two Little People. Thinking how good life at home is when they are good and happy and enjoying themselves, and how horrid it can be when the opposite happens (we've been dealing with some "issues" of late which I don't wish to go into right now, but there have been tantrums involved and it has indeed been horrid). I thought about my role as a parent, and how I don't often sit and actually think about that role very often. I thought about how as parents, we can so often be on automatic pilot with our offspring, how we don't often have cause to stop and question they way we actually go about our Parenting Role. Our actions/reactions, moods and perspectives can affect our children so much, can't they?

And so at the beginning of Saturday I made a decision. A conscious, considered Parenting Decision that would need an Announcement. So I summon the Little People for The Announcement. I declare that Saturday is to be a YES-day. A positive, happy day where anything they ask for (within reason) will be granted, where I shall attempt to say yes to any requests, to allow them to do anything their little hearts desire. Because I am so proud of them, because they are wonderful children and I wish them to have the best day. And because I am veeeeeery curious to see what they will ask for.

Little Man jumps straight in to test out the YES-day. He asks if he can have a glass full of water with sugar mixed in. He wants to make a sugar-water drink, and he wants to drink it all. He looks at me directly, wondering if I will indeed agree to him doing something I have previously said NO to several times. I say Yes, he can. He is thrilled. And he gets his wish.

Next he asks if he can have a bubble bath, nice and deep. He asks for a plastic plate to be dolloped with "potions" for making experiments. I say Yes, he can, and I give him a plate with various blobs of shampoo, conditioners and bath lotions, with a bowl and spoon. He is SO happy!

Out of the bath and he asks to bake buns, yes of course you can. Can we make red icing? Yes! Can we use whatever we like to decorate them? Yes! Wooohooooo!!!

Can we do Easter Crafts too? Yes (but go steady with the glue). Actually, they cannot in fact be bothered with glue and go for the full-on selotape option. Effective and not nearly as messy. So far so good, the YES-day is working a treat.

Lunch time and Little Lady puts in a request. She asks to make her own sandwich. No, no, I'll do it I say, it'll be easier and quicker. Oh pleeeeeeeeease Mummy, I want to do it!

I have temporarily forgotten my promise, slipped back to old ways. But when she reminds me of the YES-day I have no option but to let her do it. And why not? Where's the harm? Why do I automatically say No when she asks if she can do this for herself? I don't know!  Habit? Control? Ease?

 

She does great. She allows me to slice the cheese and cucumber, but does everything else herself.

She is so very, very proud of herself, the first sandwich she has ever made, arranged with care on her Flower Fairy plate.

After lunch, I remind the Little People that this is their day, it's a day for fun things to happen and that they can ask for anything they like. They think about this. They ponder it. And then they ask for the Argos catalogue. They ask if they can choose a toy each and if we can go on a trip to buy them. Yes, you can!

Oh much page turning and deliberating here, but eventually yes, some toys are chosen and two excited Little People get taken to the shops.

 

Little Man chooses a Lego set. He is very, very happy. He says it's been the Best Day of His Life.

 

Little Lady chooses an Ariel doll that changes colour when it goes into the bath. She requests a bath, yes yes, you can have a bath, of course, it's YES-day! So Ariel and LL go and get wet together. They are very happy.

It was the BEST day. It made me realise that as parents we often have the power to grant wishes and allow our children the freedom to experiment a little, to test things out, yet its all too easy to say NO, to decline a modest request. I enjoyed the YES-day enormously and shall do my best from now on to say YEs as much as I can.

But that is not the end of the story :: there is one last installment.

Sunday morning and I am in the bath, a lovely deep hot bath with bubbles, listening to the radio and day dreaming. I am in the best place. It's quiet and peaceful. I hear footsteps running up stairs, muffled excited voices just outside the door, and then a knock.

Both Little People come in together, they stand side by side. Little Man has something behind his back. He shows me what it is and at first I cannot tell what he is showing me. It's a bit of an old cut up Christmas card and something in spotty paper with lots and lots of selotape.

They tell me that they've wrapped me a present and made a special tag to go on it. They tell me it's a Thank You Present, thanking me for their new toys and for the YES-day.

I am close to tears, I am so very, very touched by this. I have to jump out the bath, grab a towel and open my gift straight away (see my fingertips there are all pruney from soaking in the bath!)

The Little People have written a little tag for me, each of them signed their names, with lots of XXX kisses XXX too. And when I open my tiny gift, it's a cockle shell, a shell that I recall was collected and bought home from the beach at Heysham a few weeks ago. 

It was possibly one of the loveliest gifts I have ever, ever received.

Now where is that box of tissues, I think I'm about to have a little cry ;o)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Comments

[tSMia]

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[Catie]

This post inspired us to have a 'yes' day too. Thank you. My kids naturally thought it was brilliant and anticipating the next one! Their requests were so humble- it's a fascinating and wondrous insight into the way their minds work.

[hill upon hill]

I have been merrily posting comments, they have appeared adn I am at the bottom of the page. I have not seen that I need to type a box of code, so loads of my comments will not appear. I have enjoyed browsing thus far.

[hill upon hill]

I wonder if I would be so good on a "Yes" day. The ease of the way the chn behave though is lovely. No conflict. Why not? Generally their requests are quite reasonable.

By deciding "Yes" the conflict is gone. I think it is nice to have a day like that. I wonder if I am able to.

[Eilidh]

I loved this post - I had re-read it twice, as I am oh so guilty of the 'no, mummy has to do it'! I plan to have several 'yes' days (bar requests for trips to glasgow to see gran-we live in kent!) in the summer hols. Thankfully my girls requests (they are 2 and 4) are usually craft related, or mess related (can we have some of daddy's shave-foam to 'make cakes' with?). Oh how I love messing and playing with my girls - I will be so sad when my 'big girl' goes to school in sept (she's too little IMO). I will try to make the most of the precious time left with my 2 together, only shame is I'm now suffering with post viral fatigue, let's hope I can find my energy again soon. Thanks for the inspiration from your blog - I really would love to learn to crochet,but have tried tolearn from a book without success and there is no-one to teach me!

[amy*lou]

Hello!
I've been addicted to your site for quite some time now. Your crochet is so beautiful!! :)

I just have to ask what type of cheese and spread is on your sandwich? Looks yummy!

Amy

[Mollimoo]

I know you've had lots of comments already but I must add another! What a lovely story of a day that is so easily within all parents reach! I'm sooo guilty of no,no,no's & you've really reminded me just how precious time is with our children. Thank you x

[jane]

what a wonderful experience for all! what a great mum you are! i had hookey day with my daughter, when she was in high school, and we both still refer to h.day with smiles. will you wear the shell on a ribbon? that is some of my favorite 'jewelry', meaningful items on string. i'm smiling just thinking of your visitors to your bath, and your joy receiving them and their gifts of shell and love. delightful! jkj

[lulu]

what a lovely day you all had..The sandwich looked good..
I love, love that pillow, with all the colorful squares, so beautiful...I dont remember ever seeing it..I just love looking at all your projects..
Hugs,

[vanessa]

I wish I could have had a yes day when I was little! It's quite interesting that they kept their requests reasonable! Says a lot doesn't it............ Lovely, Lucy, a lovely story.

[gardenymph]

Oh My God, Lucy! This is amazing! I love this! I was happy and excited and teary eyed the whole time I read this. I want to do a Yes Day at my house too!

[Steph]

Oh how utterly gorgeous! What a day of treasures of all kinds. Funnily enough the Vintage Magpie blog today has some thought provoking and moving short poems about the very same feelings.(thevintagemagpie.typepad.com)

What a thoughful mummy you are, with such special little people. You've reminded me so much of the joys of being a parent. I feel a Yes day coming on very soon.
Stephx

[sarah]

That's just made my day. I don't say that lightly. I LOVE what happened on your yes day and i LOVE the idea, even if its just yes morning, or yes couple of hours. Great stuff.

All the best

Sarah

[Danielle]

Oh gosh, you made me cry. First because of the sweetest gift, but second because you made me think. About the being a parent, about the joy of it and about automatically saying no to the sometimes simplest requests. Thank you!
Danielle

[charlie]

What a good Mummy you are! I dread the thought of a yes-day, but I think I will have to try it, just to see what she asks for!

[PinkCat]

Aren't you lucky to have two such kind children (I think they must take after their Mum...and Dad of course!) They appear to have been so well behaved even when given free rein to do whatever they like. And such a thoughtful present on Sunday morning. What a lovely story. Perhaps the world would be a happier place if there were more Yes Days? x

[Claire]

A Yes Day is certainly harder (instinctively) than a no day, but it certainly brings a positivity to the house when I consciously decide to be very receptive to all requests!

And how lovely that your children really appreciated it.

[Bairbre Aine]

Touching post.
My little man and little lady are 18 and 21 now, however, they are still residing with me and I think i will give them a YES day, just as soon as they pick up their rooms and wash some dishes. LOL.
Hmmm I caught my son with a bottle of dark stout, last Saturday, in his pocket...I'll say yes to me enjoying it while they clean. LOL. Ahhh perhaps while take a nice bubble bath. ;)

[Jane]

What impressed me the most - other than your clever concept of a "Yes-Day" - is what your children actually asked for. They chose independence, creativity, imagination, appreciation...and just a tad materialism. Their choices reflect what you and your husband have taught them. Your Little People are very fortunate to have you as parents.

[jeane]

this is something i would definetely practise in future when im a parent. thanks for the parenting skill.

happy april's fool day to u, 1st of April, cant believe its 4mths into 2009 today. hope u are not fool by people today, haha.

[Vicki]

What a lovely post! The simple things they request...and I agree, seems like ther are lots of no's, when indeed, they could be yes's, taking just a bit more time but, oh, we reap the rewards! Thanks for sharing, and for the reminder to say yes.

[Andrea]

Oh Lucy... sniffle, sniff, sniffle...

That is the sweetest post! I have been reduced to tears and just had the hardest time telling my hubby why I was sitting at the laptop crying!

Of course once I finally turned it around for him to read, he seems to have pretty damp eyes himself.

I can't wait to spend this coming Saturday giving my little one a YES day. She will be thrilled, I'm sure, and it will be a great reminder to live in the moment. They won't be little for long!

Thank you for sharing so freely.

Andrea

[BeBe]

I am totally teary eyed over this post...how wonderful the days of childhood..both for the children and the parents. I miss those times dreadfully. My LL is going off to college in August and reading this post makes me feel I didn't have nearly enough Yes days. It is so easy to go too fast and not enjoy Little People when they are still little. BeBe in Florida

[Kris Van Allen]

You blessed your children with a YES day, and your blessings were more than multiplied in return! What a wonderful mommy you are!

[marmaladerose]

I like the sound of YES- DAY. Would you like to adopt another daughter? Hmm? I'm a good girl honest!