Attic24

Postcards from Dorset :: day 1

Hellloooooooo from sunny, beautiful Dorset! I'm here spending the week pootling and relaxing by the sea (again), and as it's the half term holiday I'm delighted to have company this time - yay!! Not only is J here, but we also have Little B and Little Lady with us. We arrived yesterday and I thought it would be fun to write to you each day I'm here, a bit like sending you some postcards.

In a break from tradition, we're staying somewhere new this time and it is absolutely luverleeeee. In the photo above, you can see our home for the week - it's a small, family run caravan site in a beautiful rural location surrounded by hilly fields and overlooking the sea. It's the first time we've ever rented a static caravan, but of course from our years holidaying with Connievan we knew that we would love this kind of simple accommodation.

After we'd settled in yesterday and had a picnic dinner outside our little home on legs, we decided to walk down across the fields to the beach.

You can just make out the caravan site in the above photo, nestled into the crest of the hill up there.

This is part of the long stretch of Chesil Beach which we are very familiar with as we've been here many, many times on family holidays over the years. It was so, so lovely to sit on the sun-warmed shingle last night and listen to the soothing lull of the sea. And yes, of course I had a crochet blanket with me :)

This part of Chesil beach is made up from very distinctive small pebbles, they are the size of peas and beans and extremely tactile. I l-o-v-e just sitting and sifting my hands through them, it's something I've loved since being a child and it gives me a deep sense of calm.

The return walk back to the caravan site is uphill the whole way, passing through the very small, quiet village of West Bexington. At this time of year the gardens are brimming with flowers, and with palm trees and giant spires of echiums there is something of a Mediterranean feel to it all. I fall in love with this village a little more each time I visit.

There happens to be a wonderful pub half way up the hill with a beautifully manicured garden overlooking the sea. We stopped to enjoy a drink and I felt so relaxed being there with J and the LP enjoying the start of what I hope is going to be a lovely family holiday to add to the memory bank. Cheers!

Continuing on our way... a slow, steady climb past idyllic looking cottages....

....admiring all the gorgeously wild blooms in the hedgerows.

The beautiful light at the end of a hot, sunshiny day....

.....and continuous sea views made me feel full to the brim with happy vibes.

I sat outside our caravan into the evening, snuggled in my crochet blankets, drinking tea and waiting for the dark to descend. It was wonderful to watch the sky slowly change colour and see the first stars appear in the sky. It's 9.30pm in the above photo, at the end of a long but lovely day. So good!

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The Lushness of May

May, May, May, my goodness me this month is LUSH! There is no better word to describe what I'm seeing out there every single day - it really is L-U-S-H.

I've been walking a lot during this past week because all of a sudden the weather got its act together and has been completely wonderful. Warmth and sunshine and the most beautiful light, and everything so, so green and vibrant. I just can't get enough of it, I find it ridiculously overwhelming and my emotions have been brimming to the surface, I've felt a bit on the edge of reason at times haha!

I've had strange week, incredibly stressful with things in Dorset not going at all well and I've not been sleeping well either. But at the same time, my missing crojo miraculously returned and I've been hooking like a woman possessed. Oh, this new blanket journey is quite something and I'm looking forward to sharing it soon.

Thank you for sharing my little walks with me, and I hope you're able to get out and about where you live and enjoy the lushness of the season. Never mind rose-tinted glasses, get your green ones on!

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Celebrating Seventy Seven

I took another trip down to Dorset a week or two ago, my third this year, and honestly I wasn't sure if I was going to blog about it or not. I had this feeling that these rather repetitive trips don't especially make for very good blog fodder (even I get a tiny bit bored with the same routine themes of my life on repeat), and yet....while I was there I did feel inspired to take a few photos which somehow make me happy and seem like they might be worth a share. 

I have to say I've been enjoying the long train journeys to Dorset, they seem to ease something inside my mind, like loosening a knot that you hadn't realised had become too tight. I sit and look out the window, absorbing the changing landscapes and relaxing myself with a little visual meditation. May is such a lush time of year and the English countryside is positively glowing.

I've often spoken about my routines when I'm here at home and the walks that I do with J every morning. I find that starting my day with some fresh air and exercise gives me a much needed energy boost and really helps me feel good about the day ahead. The first morning I was in Dorset I knew instinctively that I needed to try and keep this routine going, because the days spent with my Dad are quite stressful.

I decided to take one hour every morning for myself, so that I could stride out, breathe in the fresh early morning air and find a positive mindset.

It takes twenty minutes to walk down to the town from my Dad's house, and it was lovely to see how everywhere was blooming. May isn't a month that I would usually see in Dorset, and I can tell you that it's really beautiful. The trees full of fresh greenery, the hedges bursting with cow parsley and pretty wisteria draped over many of the houses. Absolutely delightful.

The main street running through the town was near on deserted at such an early hour in the morning, but I'd done my research. Well you didn't think I would be power walking for an hour without a cheeky little revitalising pit-stop, did you?

Lucky for me, one of my favourite coffee shops happens to open its doors at seven thirty (I wholeheartedly approve) and I was drawn there like a bee to a flower. It's a large, airy place full of character - old wooden floors and fireplaces, a mismatched array of furniture, exposed brick walls hung with pictures.

I took a seat at one of the coveted tables right by the front window and savoured every little sip and slurp of my frothy coffee. I only had twenty minutes to spend, but it was enough to give me the lift that I needed before walking back and facing the day head on.

I was really lucky with the weather during my short trip and it was mostly clear, sunny and warm. It made me so happy to spend lots of time outdoors, even if I was just sitting quietly in my Dad's garden listening to the birds with the sun on my face.

Ah, I forgot to mention the main reason I was in Dorset this time was for a celebration - my dad's seventy seventh birthday. My brother and sister-in-law were also visiting for a few days so it was lovely for us all to spend time together.

The birthday day was a whole mixed bag of emotions. There were some sticky moments (dementia is an unpredictable beast) but mostly the day was a pretty good one. We went out for breakfast, ate cake and drank prosecco, and relaxed in the garden. In the evening we went out for a meal at a local Indian restaurant and the food was seriously yummmmmmy. I think I can definitely say I enjoyed it the most, I get so excited by a super-tasty meal that I didn't have to cook myself. Such a luxury to just sit there and have someone else bring food to the table, I'm sure all Mums out there would agree with me.

I took the above photo while I was with my Dad sat on a bench waiting for Lady B to pick us up in the car. It was after our meal out, you know when you have a deliciously full belly and feel all content and sleepy? That was me. It was about 7pm and the light was so beautiful, all rosy and soft and glowy. These long, light-filled days fill my soul to the brim with happy-dust, I can't fully find the words to explain how much I adore it. Happy, happy, happy, from the top of my head to the soles of my feet.

I'm used to waking early (6am is my usual getting up time) and during my stays in Dorset my routines and body clock stayed unchanged. Getting to see what six in the morning looks like in Dorset in mid May was an utter delight, it's sooooooo beautiful! I mean, just look ↑↑↑ at that exquisite light !!!

The day after my Dad's birthday was a Sunday, and we'd arranged to go for family brunch at an old favourite place of ours down at West Bay. I've spoken about Rise Café before on my blog, it's in such an idyllic setting that I find it hard to resist. With such warm, sunny weather we were able to enjoy a leisurely morning meal sitting at one of the outside tables on the deck overlooking the water. 

By this point, I'd been down in Dorset for three days but hadn't had a chance to really see the sea. I could hear it calling loud and clear, a pull so strong that I felt twitchy just thinking about it being RIGHT THERE and yet not getting to see it. My Dad wasn't up to walking all the way around the harbour to indulge my yearning, so I begged them to rest a while on a bench and give me just twenty minutes to run around to west beach by myself. 

Ahhhhhhh.....the minute my my feet landed on these pebbles, all was right in my world again.

I love this little beach with its views along the Jurrassic coastline, there is something about it which grounds me and makes me feel like I've come home to myself.

I have so many memories going waaaay back to when I was a small Little Person visiting my grandparents in the school holidays - I used to love coming down here to search for sea glass and shells.

In a twist of yarny indecision, I couldn't get my crochet together in time to bring with me to Dorset. I'm at the stage with my blanket where colour decisions need to be very carefully thought out and that's best done when I can actually concentrate. So instead I picked up my little knitting project bag to bring - I do always like to have a pair of socks on the go for just such an occasion as this. I spent many hours sat in my Dad's sunny back garden knitting round and round and round to keep my mind and heart calm. 

This latest jaunt to Dorset was a bit shorter than before (I stayed 4 nights instead of 7) and it was also much easier because Lady B was around and I wasn't managing my Dad's dementia difficulties all on my own. I was grateful that my brother and I were both there to celebrate the "seventy-seven" because my Dad has been fixating on his birthday and this particular number for months. 

I took the above photo out of the train window just after 5pm on the day I travelled home - I'd been on the move since 9am and suddenly recognising the familiar shape of 'my' hill was such a lovely thing, it made my heart happy. I was so glad to get home, to hug J and the Little People and to tumble wearily into my own bed. 

♥

Oh my. I've been writing this blog post on and off for a few days now, and reading over my words just now it seems to have a bit of a sad undertone. In actual fact I did really enjoy my time there, and despite the obvious stresses and strains of the situation I came away feeling like I'd gotten a much better handle on my emotions this time. Dorset in May is far too beautiful for its own good and I'm really thrilled that I got to experience a little slice of it.

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A Lovely May Weekend

I was thinking yesterday about all the many, many weekends I've written about on my blog over the years, and how they are mostly a visual celebration of ordinary, domestic life. Nothing outrageously exciting ever happens on my weekends, they are made up of mundane routines, gentle chores and slow living, and I am honestly full of gratitude for the uncomplicated ease of them. I was saying to a friend the other day that I think living a slow, contented and ever so slightly boring life is very underrated in terms of the happiness it delivers.

When the Little People were young, my weekends looked and felt very different. All three of them were seriously early risers (especially at this time of year when it's light in the mornings) and it was such a full-on, rather cray-cray time in my life parenting three Littles. I remember wondering what life might feel like in the future when I could wake up before them and spend my days doing pretty much what I wanted to do while they did their own thing, I could hardly imagine the total luxury of it back then. Fast forward to now, and I'm living and loving my once longed for quiet morning starts, and fully enjoying my leisurely weekend days where I have plenty of time to relax and do things that make me happy.

It's a funny thing looking back to those days (and I do often read back through my own Attic24 archives to help me remember), because I really did love parenting through the toddler and young school ages....and yet....I am SO HAPPY that I'm beyond it all haha!! Of course I do still have my three offspring at home so I'm still parenting, but at ages 20, 19 and 13 it's a totally different kind of gig these days.

Anyhooo....where was all this leading, I really don't know.....I hadn't meant to wander off down memory lane! 

I was at Coopers café on Friday morning which isn't strictly the weekend but often times those hours at the tail end of the  school week do have a delightfully weekendish feel. I had a lovely time chatting to my friends while knitting up some stripy rows, eating toasted crumpets and slurping a frothy cappuccino. I cast on these "frost" socks at the start of March and they are great to have on the go for when I'm at that faffy, unsociable stage with my crochet project.

We went out for a walk in the woods on Sunday morning, notable because a) I spotted the first bluebells in flower and b) we had both Little B and Little Lady walking with us. I've worked out that I can encourage them to walk with us on a Sunday morning if it's not too early (10.30am is the sweet spot) and if we detour via their favourite coffee chain on the way. The lure of a Sunday morning coffee and a pastry works wonders, I wonder where they get these ideas from (??!)

The woodland is absolutely bursting with greenery and lushness right now....

....fresh green leafage everywhere you look.

Spotting these teeny tiny fluffy ducklings dancing along in the reflections made me quite weak at the knees, the cuteness was almost too much.

It takes about ten minutes to walk from the coffee shop on the main high street to the woodland, isn't that something? Such a lovely combination of pleasures to enjoy on a sun dappled Sunday morning.

It's three in the afternoon on Sunday now, and things are happening out on our street. For once, the weather got the memo and there is blue sky up above, yay! Bunting is flapping in the breeze, and down below there are tables all set with cloths and napkins ready to be piled with all manor of sandwiches, cakes, fruit platters and savoury snacks.

I didn't take in any of the Kings Coronation on Saturday as I was busy doing other things, but on Sunday it was a lovely chance for our little terraced community to come out and celebrate. I live on such a friendly street where we know most of our neighbours up and down on both sides. There are thirty houses in total, and being terraced I think it's safe to say that we have no choice but to be close knit! It makes for a very jovial atmosphere when the children are all out to play (we had a permit to close the street so there were no cars for a few days) and everyone brings chairs and benches and gets down to the happy business of chit-chatting and having fun.

I snapped the above photo on my phone and it did make me laugh just now when I uploaded it - a jug of Pimms next to a half empty bottle of bubble mixture, kind of sums up the afternoon rather nicely! The kids varied in age from small toddlers up to teenagers, and the activities included bubbles and chalks (so nostalgic), a little bit of football, some jump rope skipping (huge fun, nearly wet myself laughing when the adults got involved after a whole lot of Pimms had gone down), and later s'mores on the barbecue, music and dancing well into the dark of the night.

As a result of the enormous quantity of Pimms which ended up in my system, Monday was spent mostly horizontal in a recovery position. It was worth it though, such a happy and memorable day.

I hope you had a good weekend, whether it was mundane or something exciting, do tell me what you got up to? I'd love to hear..

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Recent Small Pleasures

♥ an early walk to the bakery down the road, because once a week I choose to spoil the Little People...

♥ ....pain au chocolat fresh from the bakery on a Friday morning, aren't they lucky?

♥ 7am morning walks with J, starting my week days in the nicest possible way.

♥ catching up with a friend over a delicious latté at a quiet little indie coffee shop in town.

♥ walking home from the supermarket and enjoying the views along the canal side.

♥ the powerful fragrance of these beautiful pale pink hyacinths on my table this week.

♥ walking home at 7pm last Friday after a few cheeky little drinkies at the pub - such gorgeous light and colours.

♥ the start of British asparagus season - yay!! Bought this bunch from the market and roasted it, yumm!

♥ affogato, my favourite way to round off an Italian meal. Out for a gorgeous family dinner last weekend to celebrate Little Lady's nineteenth birthday.

♥ A sleepy kitty and my Springfrost blanket, a quiet, comforting sofa moment at the end of a busy day.

♥ sweet pea babies! Snapped them up from the supermarket and now I'm excited to plant up my big back yard pots ready for summer flowers.

♥ clearing off my cluttered little desk in the corner of the bedroom and remembering how much I love writing my blog.

x

I'm sat at my desk right now (it's 8pm), snuggled under the granny stripe blanket, and in fact I've been sat here for many hours today. I've been uploading and sorting through my photos, creating this post, and also writing another blog post ready to share with you in a day or two. I've been a bit erratic with my blog just lately, and I think it's had a lot to do with my home environment. I'd gotten into the habit of setting up my laptop at the dining table, and no surprise it's been difficult to concentrate when I'm sat in the busiest room in the house. As you know, J works from home, as does our eldest twenty year old. Little Lady is also currently at home so there are four adults in the house during the day. With all the comings and goings, the conversations and music, it's no wonder I've found it hard to write and create. I need peace and quiet where I can hear my inner voice, and that is ridiculously hard to come by in this house.

So yesterday I decided to clear the junk off the small desk in the bedroom so that I could try and settle down to do some writing without being interrupted all the time. I can't lie - it's been hard! Haha! I would say I'm pretty darn good at this blogging lark, but creating a good blog post does take an awful lot of energy and concentration which I don't always have to hand these days. But - one thing I've learnt about blogging over the years is that the more you do, the easier it becomes. So I will continue to show up here, sharing the things that inspire me, that matter to me, that make me smile, because being connected to all of you makes me happy. 

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A Sandy Date

You probably already know this by now, but in case there was ever any doubt, here it is - I am obsessed with all things coastal, a shoreline addict who feels a near constant pull to be by the sea. Living in a landlocked rural town, the call of the sea never really goes away and so I try my best to persuade the family to accompany me to the coast on a regular basis. 

Our closest seaside destination is about 50 miles away (80km) over on the west coast of Lancashire and the place we generally head to is called Lytham St Anne's. J has been visiting St Anne's since he was a child and knows it well, but our first family visit was seven years ago in 2016. Since that first jaunt we've been back many times, sometimes staying a few nights in the same holiday rental but mostly we've found ourselves day tripping to this coastal spot.

During the Easter holidays I really wanted to take a family jaunt to the seaside, but with one thing and another (including some really disheartening weather) we didn't manage it. I was disappointed but J suggested that maybe we could go just the two of us as which sounded like a cute date to me, so yes please, count me in for a sandy date by the sea.

Last Monday the weather forecast was good and we decided it would be a perfect day to make our seaside trip happen. Arriving mid morning, we set out to walk along the beach in search of the Beachcomber café - this is a new discovery, recommended to me by one of my lovely readers who is lucky enough to live in St. Annes (thank you Karen!) As you can see in the photo above it's in a gorgeous location tucked into the sand dunes right on the beach. It was just about warm enough for us to sit outside, and we chose a table right in the back corner of the deck where the glass walls kept us sheltered from the wind.

It was late in the morning by the time we sat down and we just managed to catch the breakfast menu with five minutes to spare. I adore a good brunch, it's my favourite meal to have as a treat when I'm on holiday as there is just something about it which feels very decadent to me. A Monday morning brunch during a normal work/school week has a little extra luxury added into the mix - even after all these years of J and I having Mondays free from work, it still feels extra special for us to spend this time together.

Our beachcomber brunch was really enjoyable, but I was soon getting itchy feet and feeling the call of the sea. I'd checked the tide times and found out that the tide was on its way in, although still another two hours before it would reach its peak. The beach at St Anne's is absolutely ginormously huge and it can take quite you quite a long time to actually reach the waters edge. It's a satisfying walk though, stepping over and over the beautiful, rhythmic sandy ridges created by the waves.

It took twenty minutes to reach the sea, with it's teeeeny-tiiiiiiny waves rippling in over the sands. 

The tide comes in fast here, with very small, shallow waves moving at a surprising speed. If you aren't paying attention, it's easy to get caught out because the sea absolutely does not wait for you to move out of its way. Just saying - wet feet don't feel very nice :|

We eventually meandered our way back across the vast sands, leaving the sea behind us and making our way to the long promenade. We spent a while on a bench with the above view - I really do love to spend time benching-with-a-view, it's one of my favourite pastimes. Old fashioned English seaside resorts generally have many, many benches to choose from, and it just makes me happy to slow right down to a >stop< and take time to simply sit, be in the moment and breathe it all in.

After a lovely, gentle few hours pottering around St Annes we decided to drive a bit further around the coast and spend some time in Lytham. It's not that far to drive (about four miles I think?) and although the two places kind of sprawl and merge into one another, they each have a very distinct identity and different feel to each other. The coast at Lytham is more estuary than open sea because the wide mouth of the River Ribble opens out between two stretches of land here. It means that there isn't really a traditional beach as such, it's more of a wet, grassy marshland which isn't very safe to walk on.

I find it strange to be at a coastal place and not really have access to the sea - it always feels to me as if something is wrong. Lytham is more about promenading than beaching, and there is a lovely long stretch to walk along, with the eye catching Lytham Windmill dominating the view at the end.

Lytham town centre is close to the shore and is a lovely place - known to be rather posh and upmarket, it does have a bit of a superior air about it. I fell in love with this huge pebble mosaic in Clifton Square....

....it really is so incredibly detailed (all those perfectly placed pebbles!) and beautifully made. When I came home I researched it online and discovered the amazing work of Maggy Howarth...wowsers, what talent! 

The area around Clifton Square is really lively with lots of cafés, restaurants and bars spilling out onto the wide pedestrian pavements. I especially loved the seating outside of The Deacon which reminded me a little of Paris (it's those chairs I think). I would love to go back on a warm summers day and enjoy sitting there with a delicious refreshment of some sorts. 

We pondered stopping and having a drink somewhere in Lytham, but in the end we decided to go the DIY refreshment route. We bought fruit smoothies and some chocolate from the mini supermarket and took ourselves to a scenic bench overlooking the grassy beach (which isn't really a beach) and enjoyed the views.

I do like Lytham, and the stunning display of tulips really made my heart sing, but honestly, I much prefer the more down to earth feel of St Anne's. There is something very unpretentious and endearing about a slightly old fashioned seaside resort, and of course I just love being beside the sea.

Such a lovely way to spend the day, I came home feeling energised and happy, and determined to return as soon as I can.

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All the Thank-You's

I've been thinking about you a lot this past week and wondering how I got lucky enough to have so many beautiful souls in my life. This community that you and I are a part of, the one that has grown and flourished around my Attic window over the years, is absolutely amazing and I couldn't be more thankful for each and every one of you.

After my last post where I had a long chat with you about my recent trip to Dorset and my Dad's health, I was deeply touched by your words which flew in through my window and wrapped me in the biggest virtual hug. (( T h a n k ~ y o u ))....so, so much for every comment both here on my blog and on Facebook too, you've no idea how much it helped me when I was feeling quite raw and worried. Your kindness and empathy was so very much appreciated, but also thank you for the great practical advice too. I made notes, wrote a long list, and have lots of amazing suggestions which I know I can work with to help ease the pathway forward.

I've felt quite a lot brighter this week actually, and for that I'm thankful. I hate feeling so overwhelmed and flattened by worry, it really doesn't suit me one little bit and I usually try and do everything in my power to rise above it.

I generally find that flowers help, and these gorgeous tulips have really brightened my days this week. They were a cheap supermarket buy and worth every penny - I snapped the above image one morning when the sun was streaming in through the window and lighting up the petals, honestly, such a simple moment which made me really happy.

The sun has helped too, when it decided to come out from the grey. Right now as I sit and write at my desk, it is really bloomin' cold, an unwelcome return to single digit winter-like temperatures and grey skies. But during the past week we've had days here and there that have felt like real Spring, not the pretend kind which appears to look like Spring but which still freezes your extremities, no, this was real, genuine warmth and I love love loved it. I even went out without a coat!!

The grass in the park had it's first cut of the season and it looked so good, although the smell of freshly cut grass weirdly wasn't there which was very disappointing. Can you see that line of trees in the above photo that have a very faint pink tint to them?

Well that's the double line of cherry trees which I obsess over every year around about this time. I'm in full on stalker mode, and during the past week I've made all sorts of weird excuses in my day to go and look at them. Need to buy groceries? Lets go the long way to the supermarket via the cherry trees! Need to get some bloomin' work done? Nah.....why not procrastinate BIG TIME and instead of sitting at my laptop, get outside and go see the cherry trees instead! 

But just look ^^^ we are on The Cusp of Bloom! How exciting, and how totally irresistible, I'm sure you can see why these trees call to me every day. You can just call me the Blossom Stalker, and I shall keep you updated on floral developments.

J and I are loving our early morning walks still, and at 7 o'clock we head out the front door to go stretch our legs and enjoy walking these familiar pathways together.

Now that Spring is well under way, the sun is fully up as we walk through the woodland and the bank of wild garlic is growing greener by the day. It's such a pleasure to be out and about this early in the morning and well worth the effort it takes to get out of bed and make it happen.

Book-ending a fresh, sunny spring day with a walk is the loveliest thing - first the morning woods with J, and then out to the meadow in the early evening with my girl. I absolutely love that she'll ask me to go on a walk with her when she feels the need to unwind her mind or talk things through ♥

It's a quarter to seven in the evening in the above photo, and we (Little Lady and me) were walking homewards from the meadow. The blackthorn blossom is at it's peak here in the north of England and it's looking absolutely delicious. We're now into the wild floral season and we've still so much to look forward to - the wild garlic will be flowering soon, the bluebells will be out next month, and then the cow parsley and buttercups will show up. It's no wonder that May is my most favourite month of the year.

Yesterday I finished my sampling and made the final colour adjustments for my next blanket, and it felt SO GOOD! My crojo hasn't really been in full flow the past few months and I've been working on this new design in very stuttery stops and starts. This is going to be a square blanket which will take quite a lot of concentration as I'll be working on a gazillion colour decisions on the fly. But I'm committed to the cause, and more importantly I'm inspired and excited by it too. I'm looking forward to sharing the journey with you, and hopefully by next week I should have made enough progress to put a blog post together to share the inspiration behind the colours.

Well, I feel all talked out now it seems, even though this is a relatively short post. I just wanted to show up here to send you all the thank-you's, and to let you know that I've turned a bit of a corner out of the worry cul-de-sac I was stuck in for a while. Clear roads ahead I hope.

I'll be back soon - J and I went on a date on Monday and I took some photos to document the rare occasion, I'm sure you'll be riveted (!)...........more soon xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

 

 

Dorset and the Dementia Journey

Those of you who have been visiting the Attic over the years will know all about my regular visits down to Dorset. Ever since the Little People were babes (and even before then), J and I used to drive the 300 miles south to the Dorset coast twice a year during the Easter and Summer holidays to visit my parents. As I grew up and went to school there, I have an understandably strong nostalgic connection with the town where I lived. But aside from me taking these personal jaunts down the memory lane of my childhood, our visits also allowed precious time for the Little's to visit and connect with their grandparents. 

My Mum and Dad separated and divorced shortly after I left home to go to art school (35 years ago), and in the following years they both settled with new partners although neither of them remarried. My Dad stayed living in the rented house where I grew up, and my Mum moved to a nearby village a few miles away, so during our Dorset visits we were able to spend time with both of my parents and their partners. Sadly my Mum died unexpectedly in 2017, but we continued our tradition of yearly visits to my Dad. Our last family visit was in the summer of 2021 - by this time the two eldest offspring were both working summer jobs and couldn't take time off to come away on holiday so it was just myself, J and a rather grumpy eleven year old Little B who went. 

At that time, we knew that something really wasn't right with my Dad - we first noticed that his memory and cognitive functioning was suddenly very awry in the Spring of 2021, although he seems to have remained blissfully unaware of it. To this day he still claims to be "fine and normal"  - we've managed twice to get him to see his GP, but even when he spectacularly failed the standard memory testing questions and it was suggested he needed to be referred to a memory clinic, he simply and forcefully said NO, there was nothing wrong, and for everyone to leave him alone and stop interfering. It's beyond frustrating, but like the GP said, he has free will and we absolutely can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do. 

So although we haven't had any formal diagnosis of dementia, there is no doubt that he has some form of the disease. I would say that his decline has been slow but steady over the past two years, and mostly he seems fairly content within his new altered reality. Aside from the memory loss, his general behaviour has also changed considerably - he is now very restless, isn't able to concentrate for very long (he used to read a lot but can't really manage that now), and has very disturbed and wakeful nights. He also has delusions which to him must seem very real and rather frightening at times (people coming in the house and stealing his possessions being the most common theme), and this is probably the hardest thing for him to cope with at the moment. 

As you would expect, his general memory is also completely shot to bits, and I noticed that during my last two visits he didn't really know who I was any more. He can remember my name, and it's obvious that he recognises me as someone he knows well and is always happy to see, but he can no longer grasp that we're related. He thinks his daughter Lucy stays in Skipton, and the Lucy that comes to Dorset is just a lady visiting. He often asks me how long I've known him for, and marvels at the fact that I crochet just like his daughter does - do I know her, she lives in Skipton? Honestly, I learnt very quickly to squash down the heart breaking sadness of it all and not contradict him - now I simply chat about myself in the third person, which has it's own kind of twisted comedy.

The biggest blessing in all of this chaos is Lady B - that's what I call her although she isn't an officially titled Lady - and thank goodness for her. She is my Dad's partner of twenty three years, well, they call themselves "companions" I think rather than partners, but she is an absolute gem. Throughout their time together they've always kept their independence and lived in their own respective homes. They've had a solid routine for all these years, choosing to spend around half the week together at Lady B's place, and half of the week apart doing their own thing. Although it's unconventional, it's worked well for them, and they are sweetly very attached to each other.

These days, Lady B is his carer as well as a companion and I know full well that this is no easy task. My Dad now sleeps at his house every day because the movement between the two households was causing no end of confusion, chaos and sleep disruption. Lady B visits him each morning to make his breakfast and give him his tablets, and to make sure that all is well in the house. She then takes him out - sometimes shopping, sometimes out for a walk, or a stop at his favourite pub for a tipple. They then spend a little time at her place which he does seem to really like, she has a huuuuuge television screen and his current obsession is Michael Portillo's Railway Journeys. She cooks dinner for them both at her place, then in the early evening she takes him back to his house and settles him for the night (making sure there are no strange people coming in and stealing things ;)), and then she can breathe a sigh of relief as she goes home to decompress.

I do understand that this current  arrangement can only be temporary, it's not in any way sustainable. Pretty soon we will need to plan for some extra care or respite for my Dad so that Lady B isn't on call seven days a week. Because it really is utterly exhausting being in his company. I've been trying to help by visiting every other month, staying for a week at a time so that Lady B can take a proper break (she travels to London to stay with her daughter). I also ring my Dad every morning to chat about the plans for the day and talk through any worries he has as there is always something - usually his missing 'stolen' items, or the fact that he forgets where Lady B is.

So. My goodness.....you know, I wasn't intending to talk to you about very much of this in detail, but once I started writing, it seems as if I really needed to unload. It's been a bit of a purge! And I do feel a smidge lighter for being able to write things out and document where we are at, thank you for that, I appreciate you reading and being dragged along with my family issues. Thank you xxx

This last stay was actually not so bad, and I was able to relax a bit more into the role of care-giver. The type of care needed at the moment is pretty easy really - shopping for food, cooking, making sure he has his medication, calming down any agitation or confusion (there was a fair bit of this) and setting a routine for the day. I found we both fared better if we were able to get out and about each day, although there were a couple of very wet rainy days where we just hunkered down in the house and watched trains (him) and crocheted (me).

Where he lives is roughly a mile out of the town centre, and although his walking is very shuffly and painfully slow, he is capable of doing the walk there and back if we rest on benches along the way and take it gently. I found that his mood was better and he slept better if he had this daily exercise (ohhhhh....reminding me so very much of life with a toddler!) and so we shuffled along these familiar streets as often as we could. Sometimes we'd end up in his favourite pub and sometimes in a café for coffee, and it was OK really, different to the relationship we used to have, but not so bad.

On one bright sunny morning I decided we would head to the sea, I was craving it so badly and was determined we would go. I ordered us a taxi which felt very posh and luxurious, and I can't tell you how much joy was in my heart when I arrived and breathed in that fresh salty air. So, so so good for the soul.

We shuffled our way slowly around the harbour...

...to the west beach where there is a promenade with some benches and shelters to take a breather. I reaaaaally wanted to go down onto the beach, but didn't feel like I could leave my Dad on his own as he does have a habit of wandering off in these kinds of situations. Can you imagine the monumental stress if that happened, crikey, it just wasn't worth the risk.

So after a long gaze out to the horizon I decided the only thing that would ease my longing heart would be caffeine. And luckily there is a café right there on the seafront which is very busy, noisy and a little bit chaotic, but always warm and cosy, so that's where we settled for a while.

My latté was delicious and even my Dad enjoyed his black coffee (with four sugars). Afterwards we felt revived enough to take a slow amble all along the promenade...

....walking right to the very end where there are gorgeous views along the coastline to Lyme Bay. I do so love this coastline and have walked all along those cliff paths many times over the years. I realised that I'm still getting used to these Dorset visits where I'm forced to take things at my Dad's pace and have to slow everything right down to a dawdle. I also find the lack of freedom very difficult, it's a real adjustment for me and I've not found it easy, but I'm trying really hard to accept this new way of doing things. 

I had to share the above photo with you, snapped outside a gift shop in West Bay. I love to see a bit of colourful crochet bringing a smile to the local community, and these Easter bunnies were lovely. Yarn bombed post boxes have become a real craze here in the UK in recent years and there are groups on Facebook which share images and resources. I love it, well of course I do! You'll have to let me know if you've seen any around where you live, or better still if you've been involved in making any? I'd love to know more.

One thing which really did delight me when I was down in Dorset was being able to hunt down a couple packets of Moores Easter biscuits. Goodness I have such a crush on these biscuits and they really power the Nostalgia Train that I ride hard when I'm down in my old childhood place. They are a traditional treat to have at Easter and my Mum always bought them for us as children, and in later years for the Little People too. They are like a sweet shortbread biscuit with currents, cinnamon and mixed spice adding a unique Eastertime flavour.....oh, I do so love them. They are the perfect accompaniment to a mug of hot tea in the mid afternoon, and really cheered up some grey days for me.

I was in Dorset for a week in total this last time, and despite the obvious strains and worries that I've briefly touched upon in this post, I did really appreciate the quality time that I was able to spend with my Dad. The sad thing about dementia is that it's a progressive disease and I'm hyper aware that week by week, month by month, my Dad's health will slowly deteriorate. Living so far away means that I have to make a solid effort to plan regular visits, and I'm lucky that with J's help I'm able to make it happen. It'll be his 77th birthday in the middle of May so I'm going to go down again to celebrate with him, a shorter four night stay this time which I think will be just right.

I'm enjoying seeing Dorset through the different seasons, and I love that I can always take my crochet with me to ease my worries and make good use of my time away. During this last trip I made the above plate full - eighty one little golden circles, what do you think of that?! Believe it or not, this is the very beginning of a new blanket journey slowly starting out and I'm sooooooooo  excited about it. I'm still making some final colour adjustments but once I've made some more progress I'll be sure to take you along and share the creative process.

Well.....thank you again for reading along, and for your overall loveliness in the comments section this week. This wasn't quite the post I expected to write, but obviously my brain had other ideas and I do feel a lot better for dumping out my worries onto the keyboard. I know there are probably many of you who've had loved ones affected by dementia, so if you have any pearls of wisdom for me I'd love to hear. It really helps not to feel so alone with the worry of it all.

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Springy Easter Things

There's a small but prolific ornamental cherry tree growing in my next door neighbours front garden and during the past two weeks this tree has bloomed it's little heart out. After a very cold,  slow start to the spring season it's been absolutely glorious to gaze up at these gorgeous flowers and feel the gentle warmth of the sun on my face.

The tree has been a-buzz with bees and it made me feel grateful for our neighbours who grow such lovely flowers, shrubs and trees in their small patches of front garden.

There aren't any floral trees in my own front garden just yet (our butterfly bush is an August flowering shrubby tree), but I did plant up a large terracotta pot of grape hyacinths and narcissus which is looking rather lovely on my door step. 

I've had these daffodils on my table during the past week, and I've been swooning over them on a daily basis. I splashed out an extra pound on this fancy-pants frilly bunch in celebration of Easter and they've been so lovely, if just a bit extra.

Also on my table this week is a cute bowl of mini eggs. Along with hot cross buns, these delicious little chocolatey morsels are an essential taste of Easter for me and I absolutely go mad for them. The mini-egg season is over for another year and I'm quite sad about it, but then again I don't think they would be so special if you could buy them all year round.

I unearthed the Easter Box from the depths of the attic eaves and was overcome by a tender wave of fondness and nostalgia. So many memories held in this miscellaneous pile of bits n bobs, a precious reminder of years gone by when the Little People were still oh-so-little. 

I love decorating for the seasons (I think Easter is my favourite actually), and bringing out the same decorations year after year feeds into my emotions for sure. At one time I used to decorate purely for the enjoyment of the Little People, but that faded away some years ago and honestly, now I do it all for me, me, me. 

Easter weekend was mostly quite sunny and warm and I was able to use my outside washing line for the first time this year. Sun dried cotton bedding has to be one of life's great pleasures - getting into bed in the evening when it's all fresh and clean and smells DiViNEly of the outdoors is just the most joyful thing.

Day by day the trees are waking from their winter rest and this particular shade of new-leaf-green really makes my heart sing. 

On the woodland floor there is no shortage of greenery because we are right in the middle of wild garlic season and I'm very happy about it.

I picked some leaves to bring home a few days ago so that I could whizz up some wild garlic pesto. I generally manage to make one or two batches each year (here is my recipe blog post) - the wild garlic picking window (when the leaves are young and fresh and before the flowers arrive) is pretty small so you've got to be motivated when the time is right.

I made a jam jar full of this vibrant green sludge and it tastes wickedly garlicky, it's incredibly potent. In fact, I'm almost too scared to eat it because I fear I will reek of garlic for weeks on end and repulse everyone. I went and bought the most expensive and Italian-looking spaghetti I could find in the supermarket to make a simple bowl of garlic pesto pasta....but I've yet to pluck up the courage to do it. I've got the garlic fear.

Since Easter weekend came and went, the warm, springlike weather vanished and a storm has blown in across the UK. It's been rotten, absolutely rotten this week. Really cold, seriously blustery and wet, wet, wet. I think the official term would be "Squally Showers" (and shamefully I just had to look up the spelling of squally). In amongst the weather chaos there have been odd little patches of unexpected sunshine, and we were lucky on Tuesday to time it right and spend a couple hours walking at Bolton Abbey without getting drenched. 

It was a lovely amble along the riverside, made even more special by the sighting of a peacefully grazing deer. This is only the second time we've spotted a deer at Bolton Abbey, although I'm pretty sure they are there all the time and are experts at staying hidden. I love walking with the family so much (we had Little Lady and Little B with us), and the pleasure of it has only grown over the years since they were small little peeps walking with us.

We drove home via the "scenic route" which takes us up over the top of Barden moor, and it was lovely to see the hills rolling into the distance under a blue sky with nooooo raaaaain. We stopped the car very briefly and Little Lady and I got out to get a blast of fresh air - it's the kind of fresh that steals your breath clean away and I love to inhale it right down to my toes.

Do you recall the very first photo of this rambly blog post, the one where I showed you my neighbours cherry tree? Well it has reached its peek now and due to the squally conditions this week, we've been showered in petal confetti every time we step out the front door. So pretty, despite the bloomin' rain and wind.

Did I mention how cold it's been too? I wish my Springy April narrative was different, but alas we've been plunged temporarily back into winter and the past few evenings I've even lit the fire to keep out the chill. I hear next week's supposed to get better, and this morning the ladies in the coffee shop told me to expect double digit temperatures next week, woohoo.

I wish I had more exciting things to talk to you about, but truthfully life just lately has felt like a bit of an uphill trudge. I think my immune system must be a bit fed up because I've got yet another cold, hot on the heels of recovering from that awful one last month. I've struggled with low energy levels, and not a lot of motivation to do anything much. 

The week before Easter I went down to Dorset, my second visit of the year. I travelled by train to go and stay for a week with my Dad again, a trip planned so that Lady B could take some days away from the responsibility of caring for him. I never know quite how much to share about this kind of thing as my family affairs are pretty personal...but the reality is that I am carrying a fair bit of worry about my Dad's health and it does affect my equilibrium quite a lot. We are around two years into a steady dementia decline and I can tell you it's tough. I do try and deal with it in as positive a way as I can, and of course I do still love to be down in Dorset - but yeah, it's not at all easy. Maybe I'll chat to you more about it in another post, and show you some of the photos I took there?

Thanks as ever for calling in to visit, and if you have time to leave me a comment then I'd love to hear your news. 

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Resting

Well hello my lovelies, I'm really happy to be back here in the Attic after two whole weeks of feeling like somebody hijacked all my coherent thoughts and replaced them with a thick layer of grey fluff. I've had one of those stubborn, heavy head colds which took up residence and is proving  hard to evict - I'm feeling loads better this week and almost back to full bean thank goodness. I've tried a few times in the past week to sit here and string some words together, but today is the first time when I feel like my thoughts might actually make some sense - no guarantees of course, but I'll give it a good go!

During the first week of being unwell I was forced to take my resting seriously and spent quite a few afternoons/evenings in bed. I've got the Dune blanket in residence on my bed at the moment and the gentle colours and happy coastal memories really do seem to have a healing effect. I tried not to resent the "wasted" time I spent in bed, and instead tried to embrace the cosy vibes and dig deep for gratitude (not easy when you feel like sh*te). I'm lucky that my days generally have a lot of flexibility in them and I'm at liberty to take time for myself when I need it. J stepped in and cooked dinner for us on a few evenings so that I could stay horizontal - I  seemed to feel my worst towards the tail end of the day so I was very grateful for his help.

Close to my bed I have an old painted cupboard which I re-homed when a friend of mine was moving house and having a clear out. It's painted a gorgeous soft duck egg blue, and although it's obviously old and chipped (delightfully vintage) I absolutely love it. I keep my precious handknit socks here as I can't bring myself to hide them away in a drawer and love to see all that colourful stripyness on display.

I've also got a framed print propped up so that it's right there where I can see it from my bed - it's such a beautiful reminder of the importance of rest and embracing the Dark Season. The illustration is by artist Jessica Boehman and after falling in love with the image online many years ago I treated myself to the print. I can't tell you how much it has helped me through the last four winters, there is something about it which makes me believe that the dark months of hibernation deserve to be cherished and not simply endured. 

The past few weeks have been a bit of a grey blur to be honest, but I did still try to keep some important routines going. I walked into town when I felt up to it, taking my time and appreciating the fact that I wasn't completely out of action. I didn't feel at all well, but getting some gentle exercise and fresh air into my body felt like it did me good.

I went to the market on Saturday mornings and bought home fresh veggies to make soup....

...and on one or two mornings I even felt up to taking an early morning walk with J. We've let this habit slip a little through the dark winter months but now that we've got daylight again at 7am I feel more motivated to get up and get out there. It definitely improves my mood and energy levels and I always feel good for doing it.

I spent many hours sat beside the fire drinking tea or mugs of Lemsip and keeping warm and cosy. It's such a simple pleasure, but honestly this fireplace makes me soooo stupidly happy. 

I found a bag of special pine cones which I'd completely forgotten about, they're the ones that have something on them which create blue and green coloured flames in open fires. They're called Northern Lights cones and I bought them two Christmases ago, they're pretty expensive and a bit of an indulgence but oh, they do make my fire-loving heart happy. The Little People love them too and as a family we've spent lots of time in the evenings gathered around the fireside just enjoying the light and warmth.

A few weeks ago we were looking back at summer photos from last year and got talking about barbecues and making s'mores. It made me think that we could try doing them on our open fire - no idea why that had never occurred to me before?? It was a huge success and Little B in particular got super excited for making his own after dinner "pudding" over the hot coals. I don't have any photographic evidence of s'more making to show you, you'll just have to imagine the marshmallows on a skewer and the skilled act of toasting them without setting them on fire. It was tense!

Dealing with germs hasn't left me much energy for creativity, but after I completed the border on the Springfrost blanket a couple weeks ago I dug out my Fireside cushion and managed to bring it over the finishing line. You might remember that I started making this large circular cushion in October when I was on my retreat in Carcasonne so the ta-dah was well overdue. It was really satisfying using up the yarn leftover from making my Fireside blanket and I'm happy with how it turned out, even if it is a bit of a giant beast. I'll show you the finished cushion in my next post, I know it's not all that exciting really, but hopefully you'll enjoy the colours.

Thanks as always for visiting, I do so appreciate it. I hope you are managing to keep germ free and if you've been resting like me, then I hope it's been nurturing. Stay cosy!

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