Hello!!!!
Well now.....I think I might just about have recovered from the aftermath of my last post, my goodness, I can't tell you how awesome it has been to receive so very many well-wishes and congratulations, so much surprise and joy and happiness from you all.
I had been really looking forward
to sharing my baby news with you, and had an inkling that your
response would be quite something. But I didn't realise it would all be quite so MUCH!!! So very many comments, so much feeling, in such huge quantities!! I
have to confess that I almost came adrift for a while back there, I
became so overwhelmed and engulfed with emotion that truthfully it was
almost too much to take on. I felt like I was being swept along on a
giant emotional wave, unable to get my feet back on the ground.
But I've recovered myself a little now, and am hoping today to elaborate on The News a little, to tell you some of the things that I've not been able to share with you during the summer months, to chat with you a little about this new direction my life is taking.
You may (or may not) remember that in early June, on returning from a fabulous week holidaying in Bruges and the Lake District, that instead of my usual bubbly post-holiday tales, I ended up writing a somewhat downhearted post, a bit of a whinge-fest in fact. I remember that I really wanted to share my holiday with you that day, yet I felt miserable and moody, and not my usual self at all.
Well, little did I know at the time of writing that post that my odd feelings were being caused by pregnancy hormones. That the extreme tiredness I began to experience during that week was not in fact down to the post-holiday laundry and the weeds ganging up on me, but down to a little baby beginning to grow.
And let me tell you, this particular baby-growing activity was totally, hugely, completely and
utterly unplanned and unexpected. To use the word "Shock" doesn't even seem to touch
upon the way J and I felt when we discovered in early June that we were
expecting another baby.
You may remember how erratic my blog-writing was throughout June, oh I was really struggling for a while back there. I am lucky in pregnancy in that on the whole I do not suffer. I don't get sick. Yes, I get tired, and yes I do have some raging hormones to contend with, but mostly I am my normal self, albeit a little more weary and tetchy. But this time around, I felt so emotionally weighed down all the time, so negative, so hugely burdened with shock (both mine and J's) that I was far from my normal self in fact. It's hard to put into words now, but when we discovered I was pregnant it was as if our whole world came crashing down around our ears. I mean, we were so unprepared, so completely floored by the news, it threw us into something of a blind panic. And it took a fair while for us to stop panicking and start accepting this new direction our lives were taking.
I really did think that my baby-days were well and truly a part of my past, that our little family of four was balanced and complete. As much as I loved and cherished those years when my Little People were teeny and hugely dependent on me, I have also begun to love and cherish my new-found freedom and me-time during this past year, and to harbour ideas of beginning to work again. And then there's the age thing too :: I'll be 41 when the baby is born, and there will also be a fair sized gap between the Little People (who are age 5 and 7, born 20 months apart) and the new Teeny Person. The dynamics of our happy family will be well and truly altered, and J and I both worried about this enormously.
However, I would say that finally, after a tough few months we are pretty much there with the acceptance. And very recently, I've even begun to feel some welcome little twinges of excitement, as (I am hugely glad to say) have the rest of the family.
I am now 21 weeks along, and very much looking and feeling pregnant, as you no doubt noticed by my bump!
Bump24 (love love love that!) is due 24th January 2010.
Many
of you asked how I managed to keep it a secret for so long, but
truthfully, I was not in any way ready to tell you before now. I needed
to wait until I was well on my way, until I'd had my 20wk anomaly scan
(which was on Weds last week and was great). And most importantly, I needed to wait until I was well and truly
out of Denial, and Happy with what was going on. I could not possibly have told
you the news until I was Happy about it myself.
And I am. We are. Happy about it.
Pheww.
I can't tell you how glad I am to say that, and know in my heart that it is true.
Well
my lovelies, I think thats about all for today, thank you so much for
being here and for all the fantastic enthusiasm you always show for the
little twists and turns of my daily life. Your words to me in the last
few days have just confirmed what a fabulously generous and caring place Blogland is, and how amazing it is to be a part of it. Reading all your comments (which has taken some doing) has been totally
amazing in every way possible, and you have truly touched my heart with
your words.
I can't thank you enough.
Oooooooooooo I almost forgot..........before I dash off to collect my delicious Little People from school, I just want to quickly give you a little bit more info about the baby blanket yarn. As you know, it's from the US and is a Jil Eaton yarn called MinnowMerino, a worsted weight, single ply 100% merino yarn with a "micron count as lovely as cashmere".
And it really is utterly Scrumdiddlyupmptious.
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