Hellooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my word, it's unbeleivably good to be back here in my precious little nook of cyberspace after such a long and unexpected break. I can't tell you how many times I've sat down in front of my computer during the past six weeks with the intention of writing, but for an unknown reason I found I simply wasn't able to find the words. It's been the weirdest time for me, the first 'writers block' I've had in over eight years of blogging. It's hard to explain but I just couldn't find my way into any sort of a coherent blog post, so in the end I just had to stop trying as it was making me feel very anxious.
This morning I woke up with a light feeling in my heart (which has felt stupidly heavy of late) and realised that I really missed my blog and was ready to be here again, oh the relief!!!! I am so so so relieved, I confess I had myself worried back there for a while. Writing my blog has become such a familiar and trusted way to relieve myself of the huge piles of stuff that build up inside my head and heart on a daily basis. The process of writing and sharing images is very cathartic, and has always felt very natural to me, and very necessary too. I'm one of those people who always has an awful lot going on internally - every day I have a huge tumble of colours, images, ideas, inspirations, projects, snippets of life and feelings reeling around in a tangle. I recognised many years ago that I desperately need an outlet for all of this stuff or else I start to feel rather uptight and antsy. I get twitchy, anxious, overwhelmed by so much going on and it doesn't feel good, not good at all.
Writing my blog has been an absolute gift, a truly satisfying and wonderful way for me to deal with all the visual, creative and emotional stuff of life - it feels remarkably good to put it all out there, to unclog my brain via a stream of images and words, to release it all out into the big wide world. It really does make me so so happy to do it, and that is perhaps why the past six weeks has felt so very strange for me. Blogging here at Attic24 has never, ever, ever felt like a chore. It has always felt like a selfish pleasure, an addictive outlet for my creative comings and goings and something that I could never imagine being without. There have been times when life has been a bit too busy or stressy and I've needed to take short breaks away from Blogland, but I've always felt a very strong pull to reconnect and come back to my precious little attic space. During the past few weeks however, I confess the pull wasn't there - I waited and waited and it didn't come. I simply didn't want to be here in the Attic, didn't have the energy to write, share, explain. I've felt weary, low, anxious, wobbly. So no great drama, but a simple need to retreat, lay low and pull through.
I'm not going to apologise for being gone for so long, but I am sorry if you've been worried about me. And I'm sorry too for not finding the courage to leave a few words here to tell you what was what. I do have a tendancy to do the ostrich thing when I am stressed or anxious, and during the past six weeks my head has been well and truly covered in a deep mountain of sand. But today my head suddenly popped up into the fresh air and after some deep breathing, here I am. Phewwww. I'm so happy about that!
Summer has been it's usual busy self so far, stretching my juggling skills to the limit. I've been diligent with my planning, attempting to keep my many balls in the air and my days and weeks in some sort of reasonable order. The Little Peeps are so tired (only two more days of school to go, yipppppeeeeeee!) and we are in that familiar, weary descent towards a much needed break from school routine. I absolutely cannot wait.
Plans for the summer holidays are minimal this year - we will only be away from home for one week out of six, and I am quietly, gently very glad of this fact. I need these days and weeks to be slow and simple, to stay close to home and appreciate all the extraordinary little ebbs and flows of family life. These days are precious indeed.
I'm very much looking forward to sharing some yarn and colour with you very soon, I've got a particuarly photogenic blanket to shout about!
It's good to be back. Really, really, r-e-a-l-l-y good.