Uneasy

I am feeling very odd at the moment, a weird, uneasy mix of high excitement and nervous anxiety. I am one of those people who tries at all costs to minimise stress or anxiety in life, it does not suit me in the slightest. High excitement on the other hand is generally welcomed with opened arms. Excitement most definitely does suit.

During the past week when life has been very chaotic and not at all comfortable, I have tried to push away those niggling feelings of unease and focus on the good. Life's small pleasures which never fail to carry me through. A patch of warm sunshine to sit in, a good mug of coffee.

Crochet. Cuddles. Sweet  moments of togetherness.

The pleasure that comes from being a Mum, fulfilling an early morning plea from my youngest to simply go and watch him play. Please Mummy. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease come watch me play. Sit. Sit there. Look at my Big Train!

Last week our hundred year old house went through a bit of a bash. More precisely we had old windows knocked out, large gaping holes for a bit, and then the most beautiful new windows put in place. It was simultaneously dreadful and wonderful. Stressful and exciting. Feelings of absolute panic and complete joy. I will have to try and photograph the new windows to show you, they are really lovely :: hand crafted, double glazed, timber sash.

The arrival of new windows has sparked off a whole heap load of feelings, thoughts and ideas to do with the rest of our humble abode. Mainly to the tune of we-need-to-get-on-and-get-stuff-done! J and I have spent many hours talking through plans, discussing ideas, trying to get a handle on what needs to be done and in which order. Cripes. Major renovation work baffles me and excites me. I really, really want it to happen, yet at the same time I can't be bothered with the upheaval.

Yesterday was our tenth wedding anniversary. Actually no, it wasn't, it was our eleventh. Yes, eleven years. The most ginormous bouquet of flowers arrived. We went for a simple meal out in a country pub, emerging into the quiet night all flushed from the open fire and full of good food. Lots of talk. Plans. We like to plan, my man and I.

I have so much to do! I have so much to think about and decide upon! It's exciting. Oh it really is, but underneath the excitement sits a persistent anxiety. I'm not really a deadline type of person. Deadlines make me fret. But.....maybe it's time? Time to do more, be more, achieve more? Then again....maybe I'll just keep bumbling along in my own happy little world and leave the deadline stuff well alone. 

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Comments

[Gill]

Hang on in there Lucy. Sounds like you are anxious about leaving the children next month? They will be fine.

[Catherine @ Simple Beginnings]

Just go for it I say the upheaval is nearly always worth it in the end. I love a bit of DIY and we are in the midst of it at my house.
Catherine

[One-oh-four]

Renovations and building work with small children around is always going to be a bit fraught! I remember coming home from picking the kids up from nursery / preschool one night to find a mini digger actually IN the kitchen, digging up the floor....the kids were impressed but I wasn't - the builders weren't supposed to start the kitchen until they had finished the utility room so I at least had a working sink and somewhere to put the fridge and microwave.....help!

Deadlines are another thing made fraught by having little ones around....maybe once all three are at school next year (or is it the year after?) then you will have more reliable "time to call your own" and deadlines will seem less scary?

[Catherine]

Hi Lucy,
So glad you're back- really missed you. Totally understand what you mean. Things are way to stressy around here at the mo- not fun. House renovations can be so amazing if you can grit your teeth. We'll all be here to pull you through the dust and dirt!!! X

[Jackie]

May I recommend a stress calming website? Its called 'Living life to the full'. (google it) Its a bit of a rigmarole to go through all the pre amble, registering and so on but there is a little nugget called 'ATC 1' in there which you can download and listen to in times of anxiety. In fact any time. Its only about 3 minutes long but it really is the best I have come across and when practised , gives you armour to fight off the negative feelings.Really honestly believe me.

Now..can you tell me where you got your windows?! And more to the point who put them in? e got some from Wilsons in Burnley, beautiful, expensive, but the installer was a not so good.

[Ariadne]

Relax and enjoy life!Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be.....happy anniversary!AriadnefromGreece!

[Liz]

I'm sure you'll cope very well, I agree it'll be hard work but just think of the long term benefits of the renovations for you and your lovely family. x

[Brianna Asaro]

Sometimes we feel uneasy for all sorts of reasons. Women seem to have a weird intuition like that. I'm sure this will pass and you'll go on being carefree!

[Twolittleflowers]

Oooh! What a cruel post :) Too much suspense and intrigue there. Reading between the lines, it sounds like it isn't just house and kid stuff going on with you at the moment - maybe something a little businessy?? Whatever it is, take a deep breath, count to ten, and remember to breath out again :) ...then go sit and enjoy a nice cup of coffee and danish...

Good luck with the house work, seems never ending with us.
Keri

[Adaliza]

I remember the day 10 years ago when our windows were replaced - I was totally traumatised. Our home looked as if a bomb had gone off (more so than usual)! I hid for the whole afternoon in my hammock at the very bottom of the garden - with the dog. By the time I woke up, the worst was over - try to take it all one step at a time. Make lists in a notebook - I always have a 'Project Notebook' for major works and times of trauma. At the end of the day - we all have to get on with it and make the most of all that we enjoy! Have fun!!!

[Claire Jackson]

Lucy you always manage to put feelings into words so well, I feel the same way, I am wondering if it is time to 'be more' but it makes me uneasy, I like things the way they are but things change and I guess we must too. I don't know! I'm sure you will make the right decision about whatever it is making you fret. I understand it can be hard for to do things just for you but it makes you remember who you are/were! Remember you've inspired so many of us to pick up the hook and I for one will be eternally grateful! :-) Good luck with the renovations, they are worth it in the end! Ignore the dust and mess and put the kettle on ;-)
Claire

[Jude.x]

Belated Anniversary Congratulations to you both. Beautiful flowers; hopefully they helped in calming the anxiety a bit? Along with a bit of "Mummy watch me play" and a smidge of 'one day at a time', you'll get through this. And not to, in any way, belittle how you're feeling, we always do, don't we?
And I can't wait to see photo's of your windows - I've got those awful white plastic things and I'm jealous! :D Jude.x

[Sarah]

Mmm, definitely more than meets the eye in that post. Deeper undertones going on - what is it Lucy?

[Tracy]

Hey Lucy
The unknown is always a little worrying.. But you are very clever,step out of that comfort zone and 'm sure that you will find that it helps with your confidence! We all go through this at some time but fate takes a hand! Good luck with your deadline whatever it may be!

[Thomasina Tittlemouse]

I understand what you are referring to very much and there are times when it's as if there are equal and opposite pulls in different directions. On the one hand change seems exciting and energising and on the other it's frightening and in the too difficult box. Only time will tell which feeling emerges on top and in the meantime it can be very uncomfortable. For what it's worth I think taking one day at a time is good news while things recallibrate if they need to in your mind. Clarity does come and when it does it makes it easier to go with the direction it points in. I find this hard to wait on but helpful if one can. In the meantime cherish things exactly as you are - the good simple things - little ones playing, good coffee, homemade cake, happy hooky, etc etc - these things do indeed see one through times of uncertainty and unease. And don't forget that often periods of uncomfortableness and unease are the chrysalis from which buttflerflies of new creativity and delight emerge, so hang on in there! I send you a hug, Lucy. E x

[Maggie]

Another lovely post, looking forward to seeing your lovely new windows. I love the beautiful flowers and so glad you had a special night for your anniversary, it sounds wonderful and you deserve it.
Much love
Maggie xxx

[Amy B]

Lucy, you are so not alone in these feelings of unease - last week I had to get WAAAAAAY out of my comfort zone, and I was very stressy about it for days beforehand. The day before what I had to do, I stumbled across a saying on a very cute notepad that I should have bought (comfort shopping, I was), which said "you will never accomplish anything if you don't get out of your comfort zone". Which, of course, spoke volumes to me at that moment! SO, I did get out of my comfort zone, and guess what? My comfort zone is expanding! Good luck with whatever is pushing you to expand your horizons, and enjoy the sensation of personal growth! :-)

[donna]

just take a deep breath its all an adventure. it will all work out, just breath, sending you peace :)

[Kate]

ooooh- sounds like my week,which has been really,really extraordinary.No windows taken out, but plenty of upheaval and planning and furniture moving and excitement of a rather worrying nature and the potential for deadlines looming...getting my head around it a bit after seven days- you are not alone in wondering about those scary expanding horizons! Bumbling is fun, I'm a well practised bumbler... but sometimes opportunities are just too good to miss...even the nature of bumbling changes with time...just do it on your terms. x

[Shirley Flavell]

I too feel that there is more than you are saying. It will work out Lucy.Trust in yourself.Love Shirley

[Tabby P.]

What's life without a little anxiety? I completely understand though, I'm not the type of person to handle stress with grace. There are many meltdowns and tantrums, though I am a bit old for them I still have them. I hope you accept it all with a open arms and grin! Good luck, Lucy!
Hugs and love.

[Rachael Iddon]

Ha ha, part of me says "Go on - you know you want to write that book/run that course/design that *****" but the main part of me says "trust your gut". Your instincts will be your best guide. I hope you find some quiet time to listen to them.

[Ali]

A very wise man once told me that if something scared you, it was probably worth doing. I think he had a point.

[Elsie_h_99@yahoo.com]

Something feels different . I hope it works out the way your want. I love your blog.

[Sue]

I felt the same way when I was approached about writing a book this time last year. In the end I said 'you know what? It's too much anxiety, effort, stress, and what benefit would it really bring me?' Then I thought 'no thank you' and I felt so relieved.