I am feeling very odd at the moment, a weird, uneasy mix of high excitement and nervous anxiety. I am one of those people who tries at all costs to minimise stress or anxiety in life, it does not suit me in the slightest. High excitement on the other hand is generally welcomed with opened arms. Excitement most definitely does suit.
During the past week when life has been very chaotic and not at all comfortable, I have tried to push away those niggling feelings of unease and focus on the good. Life's small pleasures which never fail to carry me through. A patch of warm sunshine to sit in, a good mug of coffee.
The pleasure that comes from being a Mum, fulfilling an early morning plea from my youngest to simply go and watch him play. Please Mummy. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease come watch me play. Sit. Sit there. Look at my Big Train!
Last week our hundred year old house went through a bit of a bash. More precisely we had old windows knocked out, large gaping holes for a bit, and then the most beautiful new windows put in place. It was simultaneously dreadful and wonderful. Stressful and exciting. Feelings of absolute panic and complete joy. I will have to try and photograph the new windows to show you, they are really lovely :: hand crafted, double glazed, timber sash.
The arrival of new windows has sparked off a whole heap load of feelings, thoughts and ideas to do with the rest of our humble abode. Mainly to the tune of we-need-to-get-on-and-get-stuff-done! J and I have spent many hours talking through plans, discussing ideas, trying to get a handle on what needs to be done and in which order. Cripes. Major renovation work baffles me and excites me. I really, really want it to happen, yet at the same time I can't be bothered with the upheaval.
Yesterday was our tenth wedding anniversary. Actually no, it wasn't, it was our eleventh. Yes, eleven years. The most ginormous bouquet of flowers arrived. We went for a simple meal out in a country pub, emerging into the quiet night all flushed from the open fire and full of good food. Lots of talk. Plans. We like to plan, my man and I.
I have so much to do! I have so much to think about and decide upon! It's exciting. Oh it really is, but underneath the excitement sits a persistent anxiety. I'm not really a deadline type of person. Deadlines make me fret. But.....maybe it's time? Time to do more, be more, achieve more? Then again....maybe I'll just keep bumbling along in my own happy little world and leave the deadline stuff well alone.