Breathing Deeply

Such a trying week here in the Attic. Despite the odd few hours of happy Playtime that I've been telling you about, pretty much everything else has been an uphill struggle. The weather hasn't helped, bleugh, it's been gross. So wet. So grey. So blustery. So yuckety-yuck. My big pushchair has a puncture in the back tyre which I'm waiting for J to mend, so I've been struggling with the small fold-up buggy. Its small wheels are not cut out for the rough, bumpy terrain of our canal-side school run, or an old town composed of many bumpy, cobbled streets. It's been remarkably hard, physically speaking, simply getting to where I need to be. The rain cover on the small buggy is also very inadequate and keeps flapping off. Plus Little B hates being under it, he cries and tries to kick it off. He's also started this really annoying habit of kicking his own shoes off as I'm walking along, so I've been forever stopping (in the wind and the rain), giving him a telling off and putting his shoe on again. It's taken some doing to remain calm, well in fact yesterday I did not remain calm at all and flew into a verbal tiz, shocking many innocent passers-by. Not to mention the poor Little People who are not accustomed to their Mummy yelling in public. Breathe Deeply. Inhale. Exhale. Try to stay calm.

We're heading into some changes to our routine too, which hasn't helped the stress levels this week. The above artwork was made by Little B, it's a painting of the sunshine. It was his first ever painting made at the sweet local Playgroup where he's started 2-hour sessions on a Wednesday and Friday. It's a lovely setting in an old church hall, run by very warm, kind playgroup ladies. It's  almost identical to the sort of playgroup I remember vaguely from my own early childhood. There's something about church-hall playgroups, the smell of them, the sweet modesty of the activities, that remains so constant over the years. A reading corner with piles of cushions and a fold out library of books. Sand to dig in. Painting easels and play-doh tables. Role play activities (a café setting this week), and a weeny trampoline to bounce on. A break for snack time, then some physical activities (bike riding and ball games this week). Then story time and singing. I love it very much.

It turns out that Little B doesn't much like being separated from his Mummy though. He chooses to cry and shout NO no No nO No NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It has been hard. But I'm told that once I'm gone, he soon calms down and begins to ease into the fun of the morning. It'll take some time but I know he's going to eventually love going there. Eventually. For now I Breathe Deeply. Inhale. Exhale. Try to stay calm.

I left the church hall in a bit of a fluster this morning, I felt quite tattered actually. I felt physically tired and emotionally strung out. So I did the first thing that came into my head. I walked to the nearest food shop (Marks and Spencer), purchased a danish pastry, marched home, made myself a coffee and went outside with it. It wasn't too cold, so I fetched an old cushion and sat at my damp table, drinking coffee, nibbling my pastry and Breathing Deeply. Inhale. Exhale. It felt good.

I looked around my poor neglected little back yard, with it's sad pots full of soggy dead things. Inhale. Exhale.

And I looked up to the sky and noticed that the rain clouds were finally beginning to clear. I was really delighted to see some blue up there, it lifted my spirits enormously. Spring will be peeking in soon, not long now. I think I might splash out some cash and buy some spring flowers to plant into my pots. Yes, it's a plan.

Incidentally, when I went to collect Little B from playgroup this morning, it was great. He was sat waiting for me, full of happy smiles, and the playgroup ladies said he'd had a lovely time. I felt overjoyed to hear of his happy playtime in my absence, and overjoyed to gather him up in my arms for a big cuddle. We stopped off at the market on our way home to buy some flowers. Always fresh flowers on a Friday. The plant man's stall looked incredible today, I wish I'd had my camera with me. There were many, many buckets of abundant spring lovliness! I deliberated for a while over what to get, I was very taken with the glorious tulips (the most amazing orange ones sang out to me) and the bunches of tight blue hyacinths. Oh and of course the daffodils, oh the daffodils looked amazing.

I gave in to the daffodils (2 bunches for £1.50) but then on an indulgent impulse I also plucked out a bunch of the most stunning anemones (£3.50).

Oh, and eh-hem, yes, well, a little extra something also came home with me today. Isn't this little milk jug lovely? It made my heart flutter when I spotted it in a shop window on Monday, and today it made my heart flip clean over when it became mine.

Soooooooooooooooooooooo sweet.

Oh these flowers. Oh. Such beauty! I'm Breathing that beauty in, inhale-exhale. Delicious.

They really have cheered me and lifted my flagging spirit today.

J isn't well at the moment either, and it's added to the stress of the week for sure. He's never ill. He has a hugely strong constitution, a hardy Yorkshire immune system and it's been many, many years since I've seen him so poorly. He's spent the past two days in bed with a very nasty head cold and fever. Poor man, he really has been knocked off his feet. So I've been fussing over him, keeping him supplied with food, drinks and pills (I even made homemade soup and I NEVER do homemade soup remember, so he is very honoured), and trying desperately to keep the house reasonably peaceful so he can sleep. Trying to keep three Little People quiet is very very hard and very very draining, especially in the bustle of our getting-ready-for-school routine. It's been a complete nightmare actually.

Ahhhhhhhh. Breathe Deeply. It'll pass. It. Will. Pass.

Just look at Little B. He sleeps surprisingly well squished into the small buggy on the way home from town, all tucked up under his blanket. But when he woke up he declared he was cold. He took himself to the sofa, got himself all tucked up in the ripple and waited patiently for me to provide Postman Pat entertainment. So sweet. Growing so fast. Two years old and going to Playgroup, crikey. We are fully into Toddlerdom now, no more baby-days.

Well......8.30pm and I am heading to bed with a cup of tea and a magazine to read. There's no place I would rather be.

Wishing you a weekend full of Happy Things, I'm wishing the same for myself. Yes, Happy Things would be good. ♥

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Comments

[SOL]

I remember so well the trauma of leaving little ones shouting NO! I had three children, like you, and even though by the time you get to the third you KNOW they are fine once you are gone, it doesn't make you feel like a nicer person, does it? But it is good. Good to paint sunshine and meet other little people, and to get used to other big people. I hope all the other little niggles disappear very soon. The flowers are lovely. Bought myself some daffs today too. Ahhhhh. Keep breathing.....

[Jackie]

Hi Lucy, I just wanted to say that I found your blog from something that popped up on my face book. You are absolutely incredible. I love the colors that you use!!!! I have been crocheting for a long time, probably 30 years and I have never seen anything like yours. My grandparents were from England so I love to see all your pictures as well. I look forward to going back through your blog for a long time!

[Carol]

What a week! Early night is a good idea. :-)
I've just started my first hooky blanket- a ripple for a friend's baby. Thank you for a wonderful pattern which is making me very happy!

[Heather]

Ohhhhhh I want your jug! It's beeeeyooootiful. The flowerman did indeed have a lovely stall today, I thought that as I went past. Was v confused weds as there was no market? although cheeseman was there.
Hope everyone feels better soon x
H x

[Jill]

I am a third grade teacher. The children go to recess at 3:15 and I always find comfort and peace in reading your blog at that time. Today there is a winter storm raging here in Michigan and your lovely flowers have filled me with hope of spring. Thank you so much for sharing your lovely life with me!

[Hazel]

Sounds like you've had a week like mine. My youngest one will be starting school in September and I can't believe it. I am dreading it. Lovely flowers too. I bought tulips. x

[Melissa]

So glad I'm not the only one who tires of February. I've been doing yoga daily (i.e. Deep inhales and exhales). I love your anemones. Think flowers are in order here as well. Come one Spring and Blessings!

[Erin Adkins]

Dear Lucy I really know how you are feeling. Here in Ohio we have such looooooooong stretches of grey, cold, windy, rainy, snowy days. Those seemingly never-ending days can try the patience of the best of us. But the sun does eventually peek out and it lifts our spirits just enough to get us through the next loooong grey spell.

I just wanted to tell you, on a deeply personal level, I really do enjoy reading your blog. You have inspired me and have added a ray of sunshine to my life. Thank you!
Erin

[Ailsa]

Ah!! the joys of February in the UK, rain battering the windows one minute and the next, wall to wall sunshine.

Hopefully next week will be better - I certainly hope so!

[Annie]

Oh that took me back! Playgroup is far in the past for my four but yes, that walking away from a littlie who doesn't want you to leave is just the toughest thing. Seeking comfort in cake sounds like the perfect solution to me x

[Jennie]

O Lucy- how well I know those kind of weeks- and yes, yumminess to eat and drink, flowers and fantastic pitchers certainly help out, don't they? Praying J will be alright for the weekend. Love to you and family. :)

[Donna]

Ahhh Dear Lucy,
Memories of Toodlerland, & those moments of hanging on and letting go... As hard as it is time does fly. My baby at 41 I told you about will be 8 this May! Can you believe it? So enjoy Little B now at this stage even when some days you feel pushed to your very limit. This too DOES PASS. WAAAAY too quickly once it has. You will want to try & enjoy every moment.
Spring is just around the corner here and will be for you as well. Today on a walk with my Little and Big kids (who are actually adult aged) we were stopped with joy by a whole flock of Robins playing in the sunshine. It made our heart sing to know that means spring is truly coming, as we have had blustery moments and long for hot sunny days. I know we live in FL and shouldn't complain about gray days. But wanted to share our sweet spring moment, as I knew you'd understand.

As for your polka dot jug, LOVE IT! I ADORE polka dots & now think of you whenever I see them, especially colorful ones. Thank you so much for sharing your life, & your photos of the beautiful things in your world. Attic24 is a place I like to visit daily with great anticipation. Sending you FL hugs, sunshine, & the sweet spring song of the robins. Donna

PS. Thanks so much for the reply about the baby blanket. found it! :o)

[Jude.x]

BIIIIIG (((hugs)))) Lucy. Spring will be here soon and then we'll all feel brighter. It's very stressful when someone is poorly and you're trying to keep he house quiet for them, isn't it? I hate cooking but make (even though I say so myself) awesome vegetable soup - or sloop as we call it in this house - and it always brightens my day when I have it for lunch with big chunky homemade bread. Hope J is feeling better soon.
And I love that picture of Little B with his blanket. How precious he's looking - even though 2 hours before his face was probably so contorted with rage he looked like a Gremlin rather than a sweet baby... hehehe? Hope you have a good weekend.
Jude.x

[Deborah]

Hi Lucy, Greetings from also rainy and windy Philadelphia. Everyone has their moments. But even when you're down you take the time to think of others. I have to say your wintered over little garden looks quite cozy and rustic. It truly looks like a little work of art. Even the moss grows in just the right place. I too have to have my flowers. Can't wait for Pansies. Take good care of you and yours. Thanks for always making us smile!

[Fleur Cotton]

Ooooh I have jug-envy!!

Have a lovely weekend.

Fleur xx

[lindaschiffer]

My two children are grown now but I remember very well the difficulties with separation when they were little. My son especially would carry on just like yours -- no matter where he was staying and whether he wanted to be there or not, he seemed to need to make an extravagant fuss when I left. He was fine when I was gone and was instantly happy when his outbursts were over ... so I knew it had to be some kind of emotional stage he needed to go through, poor boy.

Don't kick yourself around too much over the loss of temper - children need to know that grown-ups can be pushed too far, and to see us regain our 'cool' (long as too far does not include hurting anyone!).

:) Linda

[traci]

I feel your Breathe moments I have a 3y & 4.5y They are my world but very testing... But I imagine our mummy playtimes are pretty much the same! Crochet and other crafty goodness... Glad the blue sky came for you. Have a fabby weekend. x

[Sonia]

Oh Lucy, I think we've all been there. And I think you've a lot more patience than me - I would have just given up the Shoe Fight and stuck in the bottom of the buggy!!!!! Hope you all have a relaxing weekend, getting better with plenty of hooky time x

[Lesley]

Oh, I know the feeling. February, blaaaaagh, hate it. But it's almost Gone. Thank goodness. I find myself shouting at my kids more and more and I hate myself for it, but that last half hour before we leave the house for school in the morning is SO hard and middle child knows just how to push my angry buttons. However, No. 3 is at adorable 5 month stage, and No. 1 is a very sensitive 7 year old so in amongst the madness there needs to be calm too. Tis very very hard. But I love them, and I love that the tulips are here and that the weather means that I can still hibernate for a few more weeks. Having said that, there was washing hung out to dry this week which is a minor miracle in Aberdeenshire in the winter. One day at a time..... Wishing you a better week next week, and then there's just March to get through until the Easter holidays. Hurrah, x

[es]

Dear Lucy,
I wish I could send you happy sunshine from California. I think life is like a weather: good,cloudy,sunny,enjoyable,down,cheerful...
Hope your tomorrow will make you smile! This week I've been having a stressful week with my kids, and I'm going to stop by and buy soy some flowrs on the way home, too.

[Ellie]

As a teacher of very small people I can relate to the strains of those departures. I've seen them from both sides. The worst experience was when my youngest daughter made a huge shouty fuss every morning through reception and I was only going into the classroom next door!
Hope J is well enough for a nice weekend. Been nice down in Dorset! Coffee outside the Red brick cafe in Bridport with a friend. Perfect!
Ellie
x

[Gillian]

What a great post! Can i just say you are not alone! I have been struggling with illness and a toddler hating a rain cover all week. Those little things day in day out can really wear you down. Also, my garden looks EXACTLY like yours so you're in good company and I'm with you re fresh flowers on a friday. Love the anemones in a jug - perfection. xx

[KayElleC]

February was pretty yuk, that is until I saw this post!

Fab painting, gorgeous flowers, beautiful jug, blue skies, scrummy nibbles, the promise of spring, rippley pleasures and THE most lovely chubby hands - Bless him!

Love the flowers here... http://noraathome.blogspot.com/2012/02/food-glorious-food.html especially the tulips!

My Tiddly Toes started Weds pm and Fri am last half term and LOVES it, Fri am is exactly as you describe playgroup...comforting isn't it?

Sorry to hear J is under the weather, but as you haven't mentioned the rest of you, I'm hoping you are all better. My DH was off work Monday - unheard of!

Much love and rainbows
x

[Lesley]

Lucy, time to migrate to Australia especially Melbourne we as a family did the year after the coronation and have never looked back.....I was fortunate to be transferred to UK for a two year period and lived in the north and as you will know the winter is never wonderful. Sorry to tell you that today it will be 38c, similar yesterday and tomorrow more of the same......I have been where you are 3 under 4 but now they are wonderful young men so just go with the flow.
Lesley

[judy]

The first day of Nursery school (at 2 1/2) DS screamed as I left him! And when he was 5 and I took him for kindergarten orientation he did the same...and I had to pry his little fingers from the doorjam!
He had major separation issues...not now. He;ll be 37 YO in March and we're lucky he remembers to call us!