The Perfect Project :: Part II

Hello!!!!
Well now.....I think I might just about have recovered from the aftermath of my last post,  my goodness, I can't tell you how awesome it has been to receive so very many well-wishes and congratulations, so much surprise and joy and happiness from you all.

I had been really looking forward to sharing my baby news with you, and had an inkling that your response would be quite something. But I didn't realise it would all be quite so MUCH!!! So very many comments, so much feeling, in such huge quantities!! I have to confess that I almost came adrift for a while back there, I became so overwhelmed and engulfed with emotion that truthfully it was almost too much to take on. I felt like I was being swept along on a giant emotional wave, unable to get my feet back on the ground.

But I've recovered myself a little now, and am hoping today to elaborate on The News a little, to tell you some of the things that I've not been able to share with you during the summer months, to chat with you a little about this new direction my life is taking.

You may (or may not) remember that in early June, on returning from a fabulous week holidaying in Bruges and the Lake District, that instead of my usual bubbly post-holiday tales, I ended up writing a somewhat downhearted post, a bit of a whinge-fest in fact. I remember that I really wanted to share my holiday with you that day, yet I felt miserable and moody, and not my usual self at all.
Well, little did I know at the time of writing that post that my odd feelings were being caused by pregnancy hormones. That the extreme tiredness I began to experience during that week was not in fact down to the post-holiday laundry and the weeds ganging up on me, but down to a little baby beginning to grow.

And let me tell you, this particular baby-growing activity was totally, hugely, completely and utterly unplanned and unexpected. To use the word "Shock" doesn't even seem to touch upon the way J and I felt when we discovered in early June that we were expecting another baby.

You may remember how erratic my blog-writing was throughout June, oh I was really struggling for a while back there. I am lucky in pregnancy in that on the whole I do not suffer. I don't get sick. Yes, I get tired, and yes I do have some raging hormones to contend with, but mostly I am my normal self, albeit a little more weary and tetchy. But this time around, I felt so emotionally weighed down all the time, so negative, so hugely burdened with shock (both mine and J's) that I was far from my normal self in fact. It's hard to put into words now, but when we discovered I was pregnant it was as if our whole world came crashing down around our ears. I mean, we were so unprepared, so completely floored by the news, it threw us into something of a blind panic. And it took a fair while for us to stop panicking and start accepting this new direction our lives were taking.

I really did think that my baby-days were well and truly a part of my past, that our little family of four was balanced and complete. As much as I loved and cherished those years when my Little People were teeny and hugely dependent on me, I have also begun to love and cherish my new-found freedom and me-time during this past year, and to harbour ideas of beginning to work again. And then there's the age thing too :: I'll be 41 when the baby is born, and there will also be a fair sized gap between the Little People (who are age 5 and 7, born 20 months apart) and the new Teeny Person. The dynamics of our happy family will be well and truly altered, and J and I both worried about this enormously.

However, I would say that finally, after a tough few months we are pretty much there with the acceptance. And very recently, I've even begun to feel some welcome little twinges of excitement, as (I am hugely glad to say) have the rest of the family.

I am now 21 weeks along, and very much looking and feeling pregnant, as you no doubt noticed by my bump!

Bump24 (love love love that!) is due 24th January 2010.

Many of you asked how I managed to keep it a secret for so long, but truthfully, I was not in any way ready to tell you before now. I needed to wait until I was well on my way, until I'd had my 20wk anomaly scan (which was on Weds last week and was great). And most importantly, I needed to wait until I was well and truly out of Denial, and Happy with what was going on. I could not possibly have told you the news until I was Happy about it myself.
And I am. We are. Happy about it.
Pheww.
I can't tell you how glad I am to say that, and know in my heart that it is true.

Well my lovelies, I think thats about all for today, thank you so much for being here and for all the fantastic enthusiasm you always show for the little twists and turns of my daily life. Your words to me in the last few days have just confirmed what a fabulously generous and caring place Blogland is, and how amazing it is to be a part of it. Reading all your comments (which has taken some doing) has been totally amazing in every way possible, and you have truly touched my heart with your words.

I can't thank you enough.

Oooooooooooo I almost forgot..........before I dash off to collect my delicious Little People from school, I just want to quickly give you a little bit more info about the baby blanket yarn. As you know, it's from the US and is a Jil Eaton yarn called MinnowMerino, a worsted weight, single ply 100% merino yarn with a "micron count as lovely as cashmere".

And it really is utterly Scrumdiddlyupmptious.

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Comments

[Lynn]

I hope you don't mind me commenting - many congrats by the way:) Anyhows - I have a largish gap between my first 2 children and number 3 and it went swimmingly - they are all very close.
I am glad you have found your inner peace and happiness again.
Kind regards,
L.

[Sarah A]

A wonderful blessing has been placed on your family.. everything happens for a reason I say!! Enjoy every wonderful moment ahead of you for the next few months leading up to the BIG DAY!

[Jackie]

Lucy ~ it must have taken you a very long time to read all of those lovely comments! I'm glad that you are feeling good about your little Attic 24 bump now and that your 20 week scan was fine. Loving that beautiful, ripply baby blanket too :O)

[ulrike]

I can understand your fears and thoughts so very well. I went through the same, when I was pregnant 19 years ago....last week, on the 9th of Sept., he was 18 years old and I am so happy I was so courageos by then! I wish you all the best! Everything will turn out well!

[Carole]

Ah Bless! Do you know when this new little person pops out to say hello, all your worries & doubts will disappear.You`ll be fine.
I love your ripple blanket and can`t wait to start one of my own! But i`m still knitting my son`s jumper, it seems to be taking ages! But he is 29 & 6 foot!!! Hey ho! Do you ever get an aching wrist from crocheting? Any advice? Love Carole xxxxx (Rossendale)

[aqeela]

For once im the 1st person to leave a comment here! Its strange to feel so excited for u but i truely am! I hope ul be indulging in making crochet clothes for the baby.

Aqeela xx

[Chez Tine]

extra la photo ... je te souhaite un beau bb, en bonne santé et beaucoup de projets à suivre
Tine, de Paris

[Lorraine]

I'm so glad your are really happy about it now. I can imagine it must have been quite a shock, however you really are blessed. I sadly had to have a hysterectomy at 36 so only ever had the opportunity to have one baby. The blanket is lovely.

[Marguerite]

My sister and I are 2 years apart, and my afterthought kid brother (when my mother was 40) is nearly ten years younger. And we just adore him. Surprisingly, he actually made my father get quite a bit younger, it appeared -- when, at fifty, he found that he could finally be a scoutmaster, soccer coach, etc. It worked well.... the big age gap ended up very good indeed. (Although it is true -- my mother's just now rejoicing that 28 years of having a kid at home are finally over! Of course, that means that now she's wanting the grandkids to exist...)

[liz]

I'm so gald that you're happy again. I was over the moon when I read your last post so I can't imagine how happy and emotional you would have been after reading 522 posts. I'm looking forward to hearing all about Bump24 in the next few months. Take care x

[lucy]

Maybe have another one 20 months after this one?
It will be fantastic, with all of that experience and two little helpers, this little one will fit in perfectly x

[marigold jam]

Glad you have come to terms with your new life path! As an older mother myself I must asy there are many compensations and the only down side will not materialise for some years yet - that of reaching the menopause at the same time my daughter reached puberty. Then you'll really understand the meaning of the word hormones!! But maybe by then there'll be some magic potion available and maybe you will sail through the menopause anyway! Best of luck and keep blogging won't you?

Jane

[Lynn]

Many congrats, there's an eighteen year difference between me a my baby bro, and I wouldn't be without him ;0 mum was the same age as you when she had baby bro, and I must say it suited her well, looks a stunning 69 this year I reckon it keeps you young...again many congrats

lynn x

[Sarah]

So pleased to hear you're happy about the latest addition. A planned 3rd pregnancy (as ours was) is a big enough shock so your world must have been like a snowglobe for a while!

Having 3 is truly wonderful, certainly never dull or quiet (and a good excuse to skip the housework as your always busy doing things with/for all the children!!)

Enjoy your pregnancy and the blanket is fab, fancy making a ripple in shades of pink?! If so give me a shout, it'd look fab in my daughters room ;)

Sarah
x

[Linda Kristin]

Congratulations on the bump again!! Both me and my husband have little brothers who came into being after our parents decided they had enough children. And what a blessing they are!! Just imagine how happy you will be when you still have one 'baby' left at home when the oldest 2 'babies' are ready to leave the nest. - And for the age gap - I am very, very close to my oldest sister who is 5 ys older than me. Of course there were times when I wasn't allowed to play with her when she had her friends over. But she made that up to me by letting me spend the night in her room, and told me all her secrets about boyfriends and crushes...Sibling love knows no age boundaries.

[sue krekorian]

This happened to me, too. I found DH's early negativity very hard to bear. I really bonded strongly with Bump3, though, and his determination to be born. He's 13 now, DD1 is 22 and basically left home, DD2 at 18 about to leave home for uni. He proved good sex education for the girls! Just a few more years till we're free.... And you'll have in-house babysitters not too far ahead :) Get lots of rest. Congratulations!

[Anna]

Oh Lucy, glad you are feeling better again, I so now that feeling of chock. My twins are turning one in a couple of weeks. They where a complete surprise since I was told I couldn't have any more children after my daughter was born. Now I can't imagine life without them of course.

Take care

Anna x

[French Knots]

I had my youngest in May this year and was 41 this summer, my other two are 10 and 6. It is sometimes hard as there isn't quite as much energy as I had 10 years ago but it is wonderful, he is a little bundle of happiness. I worried till my 20 week scan confirmed all was well, glad you are enjoying the pregnancy now the news has sunk in. Bet the Little People are excited too!

[Jo Drywood]

I'm so happy for you! My two children are 10 years apart and my elder son showed no jealousy at all. I'm sure everything is done for a reason and your new baby will be very lucky to be born into your lovely family. Your blanket looks delicious; when I have finished doing my "square" one, I shall have a go at a ripple blanket. You're an inspiration Lucy! x

[Gina]

Very happy for you Lucy. There is ten years between my eldest and youngest and there has never been a problem. I'm sure a new baby will be a wonderful addition to your lovely family.

[Giselle]

So happy to hear from you this Monday morning...and to know that little Bump24 is due the day before my birthday! My daughter was born on 29 January. The blanket looks so cuddly soft and lofty! Congratulations again!

[Alhana]

Congratulations, Lucy!!

[Hen]

Oh, that was quite emotional, Luce, thanks for sharing all that with us. I am hugely (hee hee) younger than my three sisters, there's 8, 10 and 11 years between us respectively, a lot more of course, than the gaps between your little ones. However, now I am older, it honestly doesn't feel that different at all, it's just good to have siblings (most of the time!)
Looking forward to 24 January already!
Hen xxx
P.S. Book reveal soon, prob. tomorrow.

[Martha]

Yippee!! and Congratulations!! You will have SO much fun!!! My big girls are 2 years apart, followed by 5 years before my youngest. The big girls have absolutely LOVED the "baby" from the start. It's wonderful, that age gap...as you will find when the baby is born and you have lots of help!! I'm so excited for you!!!
♥

[Emma]

I've been a fan of your blog and your scrummy crochet for a long time now but never felt compelled to leave a comment until now!!
But huge CONGRATULATIONS to you and the rest of the attic24 family..I hope baby24 brings you all loads of happiness.
I have 3 children..the oldest are 19 and 17 and then I have a 7 yr old..the biiig gap has made no difference..all my girls are very close especially my oldest and youngest.
Enjoy your 'bump' days
Em xx